Relationship Advice..I don't know what to do

Remember nothing in life is easy! There are a lot of competitors out there. Jesus Christ proved that he deserves God by being crucified all alone without any rewards for the church (GOD'S HOUSE OF WORSHIP). All others got scared of death and went away or hide when faced with adversity. So if she has a competitor in her life who wants her more than you maybe he is just a notch better than you? Remember a race is between two fierce competitors. It often comes down to a split second or a wink of an half an eye or hehe

What was it that brought you together in the first place? That special blessing that brought you together... was it flowers??? Was it the way she walked? Was it how she talked to you? Only you two know I hope I've helped just like I was helped hehe

Get back to it. Try to change the old and worn out spark plug that ignites!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

heathorheather said:

I don't want to lose her. I didn't know being too quiet/not sharing a lot can show my faith/spiritual level, I thought it was more character based and maybe that what she means when she says "we have a different color of faith." I don't want this to be the end of our story cause I can't see my future without her in it. She's very certain on her decision, that she doesn't want a relationship with me. Is there anything I can do? What should I do? What can I do to possibly spark that fire between us again and for her to give it shot again, one last time? I want this relationship and want to make it work, where I know the problem and where I can give all I have.

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Hi David,

Here's my two cents.

That "wait week" gave her time to get to grips with the decision she already made to cease her relationship with you. That's why she wasn't herself that week, she already had in mind what she planned to do. That was her cool down period and now she's cold (affectionately) towards you. I think your waisting your time pursuing her. Your knocking on a locked door. You need to just move on and trust in the Lord, isn't he in control of your life after all? Don't blame yourself, if God meant it to be it would have been. Just count yourself fortunate she didn't come to that decision once the ring is on her finger!

God will have something better in mind for you so take comfort in that.

Women have funny ideas, they expect men to do so something extraordinary in leading them in faith. Expectations are unrealistically high and border fantasy if you ask me.

P.S. Never heard of different colours of faith - not biblical anyway. Just a silly excuse to justify what she's done.

Move on and don't dwell on it, meditate on God and his goodness to you. Trust him. You'll get over her.

Greg J. said:

God made us to be parts of a body, each building each other up. To think we only need Jesus is to get down to core spiritual theory, but no one lives alone with the visible Jesus. We all need other people to help us according to God's commands and giftings. To say one doesn't need other people is pride in one's own abilities, rather than trusting what the Lord has commanded and given us. I only recommend Christians for general psychological therapy, but it depends on the faith of the people in therapy. Some aren't much different than worldly people. As you say, a counselor can be a problem, but it is a lot more common that they are helpful.

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I will let Jesus's words speak for me here.

25 "But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Ye know that the princes of the Gentiles exercise dominion over them, and they that are great exercise authority upon them.
26 But it shall not be so among you: but whosoever will be great among you, let him be your minister." (Matthew 20:25-26).


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heathorheather said:

Thank you sharing. But the biggest thing I'm struggling with is that those things that she mentioned and wanted are the things that I wanted and what I was seeking. And we talked about it before where our foundation is focused wrong so let's think about that. But rather than breaking that a rebuilding a new foundation I just built on top of the old one which seemed to work then it would just collapse. Now I know where to focus, it's not just me doing this and that more. But she's been drained and doesn't believe/and can't can give another chance at this relationship because she's just going to move on from this. I know I made her wait too long, I take responsibility for that and realize now that those "let's talks" were chances that she was giving me throughout the 2+ years. She expressed that the way she felt about me wasn't a sudden drop, it's been gradually dropping because that one thing that's so important her isn't being fulfilled and that it's too late. I mean, is too late really just too late to salvage? She said she did see a future together but that's in the past now.

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Right, but it seems that she has made her choice. If the relationship was too much for her, she has the right to move on. I would also advise some individual counseling for yourself. Ended relationships in which we have invested a lot are hard to just get over. It doesn't hurt to get Biblical counsel from a wise person. 2 years from now, you don't want to be the guy still hanging on and waiting for this girl when she has moved on. That's not healthy. If it's meant to be, God will bring her back into your life, but there's not much you can do if for now she has made her choice.

I have put together a video that may help.

Greg J. said:

@heathorheather, you need to get rid of your thoughts of yourself and what you need to do, and even thoughts about her. What you have needed to do all this time is make Jesus the center of all your thoughts and everything you do. It requires a serious commitment that results in you altering everything in your life for Jesus (not for her—and you lay down what you want for yourself, too). It doesn't have to do with what you do for the relationship, it has to do with where your heart is. It is impossible to hide the truth of this about you from people who are wholly devoted to Jesus.

I don't know what she meant by "different color of faith," but I can tell you what it means to me: to some their "faith" is Christianity, to others their "faith" is the good they are doing for God (e.g., serving the poor), and to others it is asserting and standing for the truth about the good news that Jesus died for their sins. None of these are the faith we need, though. The word faith is not used in these ways much in the Bible. Faith, in Scripture, is a reference to how deeply in your heart you genuinely believe in Jesus, how much you are devoted to HIM in your heart, how deep your acceptance is that everything he said is exactly true, and how deeply you have entrusted yourself to him. When he is the center of your heart, you will be loving Jesus.

This is not actually something you are in direct control of. You can't just make yourself like that. You need to seek God for it in a serious way. In a desperate way, in a life-consuming way. At the deepest, you will be willing to give up your relationships for Jesus, give up yourself (all you think, say, and do), and even be willing to die for him if that's what he chooses for you.

When you have gotten to this point (because of what God does in you), the blessings you see in Scripture will be true for you. It is through your unity with God that you become a good listener, loving, easily obedient, full of joy, hope, and thankfulness. Through this, all your relationships will work, because you have let God be in control of who you spend time with and what you do together. He will be in control, and you'll know it in your heart, of everything in your life and around you, and you will then see what it is like for the sovereign, almighty God to love you.

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the long way of saying "delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart" psalms 37:4

to the topic,

you have no control over the situation. she doesn't want the relationship and you can't force her back into it. take the advice of others here and start focusing on your relationship with Christ and growing in faith and obedience to Him. treat that young lady like the dear sister in the LORD that she is whether you're in relationship or not. maybe she'll change her mind after a time and maybe not. maybe someone else will come along that will be even better, maybe not.

focus on becoming a better follower of Jesus and He will bring you what you need in due time.

heathorheather said:

I don't want this to be the end of our story cause I can't see my future without her in it.

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That is what you need to figure out. Do you really believe you have no future without her?

There's only one person that I can't see my future without, his name is Jesus Christ.

can i encourage you to read 5 love languages,

here is a link about it

here is a 5 minute summary of what it is all about.
Gary Chapman is a christian author

and this guy Pastor Mark Gungor and really funny and has an amazing message.....
mark gungor marriage seminar - YouTube

heathorheather said:

Hi and thank you for taking the time to read my post. Actually yes I've heard of Gary Chapman and the 5 Love Languages before also recently I had a seminar dealing with the 5 love languages

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i am thinking it may show you where you "went wrong" and if you change (assuming you need to and want to change) this could help you get on track.

heathorheather said:

Thank you for reading my current situation and I'm apologize if it was hard to understand what I just wrote. Please let me know if I can clarify anything for you. Thank you again.

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The best place you can be in is to have one foot firmly planted in a selfless, passionate and pursuing love, with the other foot firmly planted in power, integrity and self-respect. These are complimentary standings, with the latter emerging from the former. If you love the LORD and the woman your with, and actively strive towards learning what satisfies the requirements of God to love Him and your woman as He desires, self-respect will naturally emerge from the self-discipline and sense of duty that directs your life.

What I mean to convey specifically with these points is that you ought to express a kind of charisma that is constituted by the obvious and simultaneous possession of the qualities of deep and compassionate love, and a willingness to sustain your own worth and abandon that love if the beloved chooses herself to forsake it. It is a kind of loving and powerful character that attracts the respect of a respectable woman so that she is most able to appreciate her relationship to you as both valuable and genuinely threatening to lose. This can not be something synthetic, as the authority of your character will be upheld only through the natural reactions of a man to any given situation based on his sincere, obvious love for the beloved, and the genuine power of obvious self-respect derived from an understanding of your worthiness in Christ.

When my wife of three years and I first got together, it was a matter of five months (this was a long while before our marriage) before she started to go through a stage of emotional confusion, indecisiveness, and an "affection crash". She was talking about marriage and growing old with me one day, the next unsure about what she wanted altogether. All that typical nonsense. Now at this time, she knew that I was an entirely committed man, and that I was submitted to Christ and passionately desired and enjoyed every moment with her, and had indeed planned to marry her. What she wasn't expecting, however, was for me to pull a Jesus and say "I longed to gather you as a hen gathers her chicks", and at the same time have a heart that says, "what you are going to do, do quickly." I asked her what her reasoning was, and she expressed to me an emotional slop that clearly conveyed a presently severe lack of character and marriage quality. So I went downstairs, opened the door for her and welcomed her exit. This caused her to become reluctant, but she eventually left. A couple days later, she called me apologizing and asked to come back, which I allowed with the clarification that I wasn't going to be playing childish games and that she ought to be more considerate of godly priorities and less of inevitably shifting feelings.

I made it clear to her in deed, not word, that she could always approach me with any of her issues, but not make my respect one of them. She could complain, but not yell; express her distress, but not disrespect; negotiate, not demand. In all things she knew she could come to me and tell me whatever she was feeling, wanted to hear, wanted to say, thought was wrong, as many times as she felt or wanted to hear it, say it, or think to correct it. As soon as she started escalating her tone or forsaking my respect, however, she knew I would not hear a word of it. After a modest length of this process, she learned that I was sincerely compassionate with her needs, patient to hear whatever she wanted to say (however many times she wanted to say it, even in the same day), reasonable enough to manage our issues and humble enough to admit if I was wrong; but she also learned that I had literally zero responsiveness to aggressive, dramatic or disrespectful displays.

The point of all this is that the same woman who ran off under childish pretenses after a mere five months of our relationship is the same woman I have been happily married to for the last three years. She has learned to exercise self-control, manage her thoughts and emotions with Biblical values, and has developed a considerable respect for me in how she expresses herself and my integrity of loving Christ above all, including her. She has learned to value my love for what it is and not confuse it for weakness, and values it as something threatening to lose, not because I would ever leave (which she confesses she's sure I wouldn't), but because I would let her.

Do you understand what I am trying to tell you?