Hi everyone. It's been a long while since I came to this website. Today is Day 160... I thought I was getting better until I went on a trip to Taipei last week. This trip was to have taken place last Oct and it was meant to be our 5th wedding anniversary trip but it never happened cos my husband was diagnosed with cancer in Sep. So I used the tickets and went with a friend instead but it was a terrible time for me... I have over-estimated myself when I thought I could manage the trip... Everything I saw, ate, bought was a painful reminder of all that I was supposed to enjoy with my husband. Now that I am back for 4 days, I am still very down.... I feel so tired and have no energy to do anything... but yet I still have to go to work and tell everyone that I enjoyed the trip. I don't think I am ever going for any trips again...
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- Thread starter dily4ever
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Missinyou
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dily4ever...that trip was just another first in a long line of firsts that we have to get through. Just another hurdle to get over... I am sure that in the future, things will get easier..when you can remember doing something without your loved one. I know it took several trips to the Cities before I could see myself in the car alone...but I made it....and you will too. Don't deny yourself the good things in life because you don't have your husband there to enjoy them with you... He would not want that. He is in a place so good and beautiful that we can't even imagine how it is. I mentioned one time how beautiful a sunset was with all it's color and glory...and how it would be nice to be setting with Patsy looking at it... My brother said "How do you know she's not looking at it right now and thinking how beautiful it is and wondering if you are enjoying it too? And she's right here beside you, in memory." Don't know if it made me feel any better, but it helped.
I'm sure the next trip will be easier...and next a little easier than that one....
God bless,
Missinyou
I'm sure the next trip will be easier...and next a little easier than that one....
God bless,
Missinyou
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Dily
Hang in there. I know just how you are feeling. February was our 30th wedding anniversary and I went to Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia, which is where we honeymooned.
It was a difficult trip, but I needed to mark that "first" in my own way. This year is such a hurdle, so many "firsts".
Even though you haven't come to the site lately, you are still in my prayers.
Hang in there. I know just how you are feeling. February was our 30th wedding anniversary and I went to Colonial Williamsburg in Virginia, which is where we honeymooned.
It was a difficult trip, but I needed to mark that "first" in my own way. This year is such a hurdle, so many "firsts".
Even though you haven't come to the site lately, you are still in my prayers.
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Thank you all for the encouragement. Sigh... I have gone through many other "firsts" and they are so difficult... and it's sad when some things get easier cos' it means that I am getting used to life without him...
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I think what is so hard is that some days I feel so positive. I know that I will survive with the Lord's guidance. Then, other days, I feel devastated. I just want my husband and I miss him so much.
I've gotten used to, in a way, making decisions on my own and I know that I have made good decisions, but I would so love to be able to talk to Terry.
The roller coaster of emotions still has ups and downs, but they are not as intense as they were 7 months ago.
I hate being a widow.
I've gotten used to, in a way, making decisions on my own and I know that I have made good decisions, but I would so love to be able to talk to Terry.
The roller coaster of emotions still has ups and downs, but they are not as intense as they were 7 months ago.
I hate being a widow.
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ElElena
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There have been so many things I said I wouldn't want to do again and many of those things are still avoided.
I recall walking through a particular shopping center with my husband. We didn't go there often but I saw that spot and declared I didn't want to go there again and I didn't. Funny thing is I went to other spots with him and those particular spots didn't bring as much pain so they didn't bring the same response.
My life turned upside down and totally changed after my husband's death.
I have often times wondered if God wanted me to go through some of the changes. What do you think?
I recall walking through a particular shopping center with my husband. We didn't go there often but I saw that spot and declared I didn't want to go there again and I didn't. Funny thing is I went to other spots with him and those particular spots didn't bring as much pain so they didn't bring the same response.
My life turned upside down and totally changed after my husband's death.
I have often times wondered if God wanted me to go through some of the changes. What do you think?
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I've been widow now for almost 3 months. I am going to a Griefshare group and to a widows group, both of which help. According to what I learned in Griefshare, what you experienced going on that trip is what's called an "ambush" -- an unexpected attack of grief. I have a friend who is widowed 6 months now, she just went on a trip to Disneyworld, for her husband's birthday. She said it was awful, and swore to never go again. Every day that I get out, I have to drive by the hospital where my husband died, and I pass his favorite restaurant. Both places bring me to tears every time. I still cry 20 times a day.....but God is getting me through it, one miserable day at a time. I actually had 2 days in the past two weeks where I felt just a smidgen of improvement. What gives me the greatest comfort is picturing him in Heaven, well, happy, productive, and waiting for me to arrive. twyla.
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It's a shame that heaven is perfect because Terry doesn't have anything to fix. He loved tearing things apart and starting new projects; however, finishing them was a different story. There are so many unfinished projects and I just don't have the heart to finish them.
I know what you mean by an "ambush". My last memory of Terry is of his leaving me at the restaurant and walking to his car. He was laughing and whistling. Just 20 minutes later he was dead of a heart attack. I attended a new bible study and the gentlemen leading the study was quietly whistling while he was getting his thoughts together to begin the study. That just broke my heart. It was very hard holding it together because he had no idea what affect his whistling had on me.
There are more better days now than before. But, each day is still a challenge. It's hard to believe it's been 9 months.
I know what you mean by an "ambush". My last memory of Terry is of his leaving me at the restaurant and walking to his car. He was laughing and whistling. Just 20 minutes later he was dead of a heart attack. I attended a new bible study and the gentlemen leading the study was quietly whistling while he was getting his thoughts together to begin the study. That just broke my heart. It was very hard holding it together because he had no idea what affect his whistling had on me.
There are more better days now than before. But, each day is still a challenge. It's hard to believe it's been 9 months.
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Missinyou
Active Member
I know you have been thinking about that one year mark, Jean, since it's getting closer all the time. At one time it was only a date in the distance, but now, nine months later, it's fast becoming a reality. I can only tell you how it went for me. I had worried about it a lot for the last couple of months. How was I going to handle it? Would I break down a lot? Would I need friends and family close by? I just knew it was going to be a tough one because...how else could it possibly be. After all it was the day I lost the love of my life. My partner of thirty years.
Then the day arrived....and you know...it was just another day...and I wondered why. How could it be just another day? After all...look at the significance of it...and then I figured it out. It wasn't the date I was worrying about...or held the significance...it was the day. She didn't die on June 4th... She died on a beautiful, sunny, Sunday afternoon, just after a rain had washed the world clean, and a slight breeze was rustling the leaves on a tree outside the hospital room window. That's when the Lord took her home.
This June 4th was on a Monday and it wasn't at all like the day she actually died... I had missed that day...it was the day before...on Sunday...and now it's too late to be miserable that day...so life goes on.
Perhaps I will be more aware for the second anniversary and I can be miserable on Sunday...two days before June 4th. Or perhaps I will stop on that Sunday afternoon at 5:40, and I will remember that it was at this time of day, on this day of the week, that Patsy went home to a place so wonderful that we can not in our human minds, even imagine how beautiful it is. And I will wonder if she is watching me, and quietly saying that she knew I would make it. That she knew if I kept the faith, that God would not let me fall. And, Jean, that's how I handled the first one.
God bless you,
Missinyou
Then the day arrived....and you know...it was just another day...and I wondered why. How could it be just another day? After all...look at the significance of it...and then I figured it out. It wasn't the date I was worrying about...or held the significance...it was the day. She didn't die on June 4th... She died on a beautiful, sunny, Sunday afternoon, just after a rain had washed the world clean, and a slight breeze was rustling the leaves on a tree outside the hospital room window. That's when the Lord took her home.
This June 4th was on a Monday and it wasn't at all like the day she actually died... I had missed that day...it was the day before...on Sunday...and now it's too late to be miserable that day...so life goes on.
Perhaps I will be more aware for the second anniversary and I can be miserable on Sunday...two days before June 4th. Or perhaps I will stop on that Sunday afternoon at 5:40, and I will remember that it was at this time of day, on this day of the week, that Patsy went home to a place so wonderful that we can not in our human minds, even imagine how beautiful it is. And I will wonder if she is watching me, and quietly saying that she knew I would make it. That she knew if I kept the faith, that God would not let me fall. And, Jean, that's how I handled the first one.
God bless you,
Missinyou
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Thank you, Missin' you
The day is coming much quicker than I thought it would. You mention that she died on a Sunday. I really haven't had a problem with the 9th of each month, but I do have a tough time on Monday nights. The last memory of Terry leaving Wendy's on that Monday night and his laughing and then whistling as he walked to the car with our son. So, Monday nights are tough, Wendy Restaurant's are tough, hearing a man whistle is tough. The only time the 9th has been bad is when it falls on a Monday, just like it did this month. And, then Friday is the 13th, the night of his viewing.
Sometimes I feel like I am going around and around in circles. My grief counselor says I am depressed and that is to be expected. He said we'll keep an eye on it, and if it deepends we'll talk the next step, but for now I'm just plugging along.
The day is coming much quicker than I thought it would. You mention that she died on a Sunday. I really haven't had a problem with the 9th of each month, but I do have a tough time on Monday nights. The last memory of Terry leaving Wendy's on that Monday night and his laughing and then whistling as he walked to the car with our son. So, Monday nights are tough, Wendy Restaurant's are tough, hearing a man whistle is tough. The only time the 9th has been bad is when it falls on a Monday, just like it did this month. And, then Friday is the 13th, the night of his viewing.
Sometimes I feel like I am going around and around in circles. My grief counselor says I am depressed and that is to be expected. He said we'll keep an eye on it, and if it deepends we'll talk the next step, but for now I'm just plugging along.
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