Regrets?

[Monaleezza]

I had the conversation with my bf last night about the direction we were headed.

He wants to get married soon, his only concern is that he'll marry too young and have regrets.

Most of his male friends (Christian) who are married have regrets about having married too young. However all my female friends who are married boast about how great marriage is.

Is it a male/female thing?
Is it an age thing?
Are there different ages of marriage suitability for males/females?
Do any of you have regrets?

 

[kitkatsnarepadpen]

I had the conversation with my bf last night about the direction we were headed.

He wants to get married soon, his only concern is that he'll marry too young and have regrets.

Most of his male friends (Christian) who are married have regrets about having married too young. However all my female friends who are married boast about how great marriage is.

Is it a male/female thing?
Is it an age thing?
Are there different ages of marriage suitability for males/females?
Do any of you have regrets?

We guys like to have our freedom.... and sometimes, even though we want to be married, we also want to be able to do the things we are passionate about. Most guys think of marriage as "the ole' ball and chain"...... so it scares us.

If I may ask. How long have you guys been dating and how old is he?

 

[Monaleezza]

He's 20, we've been dating 2 years.

He did mention something about fearing that ball and chain feeling actually! lol

 

[PassionateOne]

My thoughts are to do what is best for YOU.

Everybody has their own 'issues' and may regret things for different reasons.

I know when I was in my 20's.....I didn't want to be married then or have any responsibilities, like kids.....so I didn't. When I turned 29, I wanted to be married and have kids, so I did. My marriage lasted 5 years, and, probably, would've continued if I felt I could deal with the exes issues, and I got to a certain point and couldn't deal, anymore. BUT, I don't regret anything about my failed marriage, I have a beautiful daughter from it.

So whatever guys/gals feel about marriage and age...those are their 'own beliefs' what's right for one, might not be right for another.

 

[A2597]

For me, it would fall under the "Can I provide for her the way I WANT to provide for her."

if I couldn't do that, even if she was extatic and never knew....I would still wish I had been able to provide the way I wanted to....

maybe thats stupid. And it's all future tense. lol

 

[PassionateOne]

For me, it would fall under the "Can I provide for her the way I WANT to provide for her."

if I couldn't do that, even if she was extatic and never knew....I would still wish I had been able to provide the way I wanted to....

maybe thats stupid. And it's all future tense. lol

I don't think that's stupid......I think most men feel this way.

 

[Weasel7711]

I had the conversation with my bf last night about the direction we were headed.

He wants to get married soon, his only concern is that he'll marry too young and have regrets.

Most of his male friends (Christian) who are married have regrets about having married too young. However all my female friends who are married boast about how great marriage is.

Is it a male/female thing?
Is it an age thing?
Are there different ages of marriage suitability for males/females?
Do any of you have regrets?

I think its mostly a young male thing. Not all of us, but most. Myself excluded, I can't WAIT to get married.

 

[miss_klara]

Yeh, my man's not afraid of marriage and he's only 21. He's been excited about it since we'd been dating for a month (LOL). He was 20 back then.
I sometimes worry that I bring it up too much, but he's quite happy with it, and bops me on the head if I apologise for talking about marriage too much!!
If your man is worried about the 'ball and chain' feeling, then it's probably a good idea to talk about your expectations of marriage. Is your expectation that he'll be there at home with you every night? Is his expectation that he will have to miss out on 'time with the boys' or anything, to keep you happy? It's a good idea to lay it all out beforehand, so that if he feels like you're going to lock him into the house every night at 6 on the dot, you can ease some of those fears!! Or re-inforce them, if that's your plan....

 

[Tuffguy]

One important thing to note, is that alot of guys feel like they have to change into some sort of different being when they are married. You should see the looks on married guys faces when i tell them that i am going to do a week long motorcycle trip by myself, the very first year of my marriage. (I have always done this trip,,its a yearly pilgrimage for me.)

My fiance understands what brings me happiness. My hobbies are sometimes solitary ones, but they are something i need in my life. They make me who i am when i am with her.

Let him know that you don't really expect him to be any different then how he is right now. That may relieve some of the self induced stress he has.

I never have any doubts about getting married to my fiance. However, i do have reservations about marriage because it is just a huge life changing experience.

 

[Monaleezza]

You guys have been great. I think I really do need to reiterate that I expect marriage to be a ball!

I want him to have as much fun as I certainly plan to be having.

I look at marriage as the coming together of two people, but I don't plan on ripping him away from his fun lifestyle in order for us to achieve that.

I'll reiterate just how much fun I believe marriage should be and see if we share a consensus. I believe we do, I just think other people have planted the seed of doubt that his expectations are realistic because their experiences are so different.

Aah well, I guess it'll just me we gotta pray more to ensure that our marriage is EXACTLY what we desire it to be.

God bless all of you who are yet to be married. May your unions be blessed.

 

[Monaleezza]

So are there any married couples that are still married but did/do have regrets?