Regrets after ending a relationship with non-Christian boyfriend

["Beloved"]

n/a

 

[Dave G.]

You didn't push him away from God forever, God has the last say not you. You offered a gospel message, you fulfilled Jesus' commission for us, that is what we are supposed to do ! You plant a seed another comes and waters it.

Welcome to CF ! This is the introduction page, it's really just for that purpose, you might want to look around then repost your story elsewhere within the various forums offered here to get more complete answers.

 

[Johnny4ChristJesus]

It is quite common for someone new to the faith to have struggles like you are. No offense intended, but it is often referred to as being a carnal Christian. It happens. Because really following Jesus, according to Scripture costs you stuff. It doesn't feel good when we lose stuff we want. It really doesn't. When you really make a decision that you are going to follow Him, you have two enemies that stand up to try to make you turn back: your flesh and the devil. All those desires that you have had in your past, all the worldly training, etc is your flesh.

Before God woke me up, I entered a relationship because of my flesh. I was so desperate to get married that I ignored warning signs and married anyway. It was rocky and we still had two kids. My sister had an even rockier relationship with her husband (she also picked him out of the flesh).

When God woke me up, my x-wife threatened divorce if I didn't turn away from God, then threatened to take the kids, then eventually did what she threatened. Long after she remarried, I asked God to bring a wife that had "a heart after His own heart." He did. Our marriage has been incredibly different than my or my sister's rocky relationships, because our marriage was from God not man-made.

When we put God in the center of our lives and what we want lines up with what He wants for us, then we can see some amazing things come to fruition. If we, on the other hand, think we will find a person, based on flesh desires, and make them into a godly person, we misunderstand who can do that. We can't. In essence when we make our choices based on the flesh, we tell God to "butt out" of that part of our life and we reap the consequences of that choice.

I can share countless stories of people that I have met over the internet who shared sad tales of thinking they could convert someone they picked and how that pulled them away from God. Even women who repeated the same error over and over. I have met some who were being lied to by a guy (who claimed to be a Christian and because he was a pastor's son knew all the right things to say). That guy was trying to sleep with two different girls, claiming to each that the other was a crazy former girlfriend and trying to tell each that he wanted to take them ring shopping. In time God exposed him to them both. One had already been allowing him to sleep with her, in contrast to what God says to do. As a result the breakup was harder on her than the other. I could tell you more horror stories.

Do your best to honor God in what you are doing and He will take care of you! Your choice did just that. That guy probably would have never turned around and probably would have forced you to leave the faith or made you miserable when he found out he couldn't. Then what?

Ask God to give you a godly man with a heart that is truly after His own heart. He will. It just may not be as soon as you would like. God prepares them for you (and you for them) when you ask.

 

[dqhall]

Hi,

I'm new, and I just needed a place to write my heart out and seek advice. I grew up in a Christian family, but God captured my rebellious heart just a few months ago. At that time, I was in an online relationship with a boy and we were getting serious about meeting each other. But at that time, I surrendered my heart to Jesus, and I immediately realized that I cannot be in such a close relationship with an unsaved person anymore. More, my heart wept because he did not know the Lord, and I had led him astray by calling myself Christian but doing things a Christian is not supposed to do.

I cut off all communication and spent a week writing an email. I tried my best explaining how I had become a true Christian, I confessed for my actions and explained that I cannot continue like before because the things we are doing is intended by God only for people committed in marriage and now I want to live to please Him. Then I wrote the gospel and warned about God's judgment, and begged him to consider about Jesus. I also sent him links to Christian resources.

I got a reply soon which said that he appreciated it, that I would always be his friend, and hoped I will be happy on my own. But he also said that he did not believe in God because why would there be so much suffering and misery in the world if there was. That was the last thing he has written to me.

I have been trying so hard to let go of the past and live in my new life pleasing my Savior Jesus. But its so hard at times...I feel so dark and regret everything I did in the past. I get so wrecked up sometimes. These days, I've been wallowing in doubts. And I get angry at myself for breaking up with him. I tell myself I should have kept him, he was so good to me, he was the dream man of any girl, I hurt him, I led him astray, I lost him, I lost my testimony, I'm worthless..

I ask myself, did I just push him away from God forever by ending my relationship with him?

I try to remember how I had made the decision in much prayer and thought..but still one part of me misses him. Oh why is Jesus not enough for me, why do I still err..

I made up my mind to pray for his salvation every day... I do pray, but I feel like I'm already losing hope after 2 months.

Why am I feeling like I made a mistake by breaking up with him? Did I do the right thing? Should I keep praying for his salvation, or is it too much to ask for...after all, I don't deserve to ask anything of God because all I've done.

Paul advised a woman married to a non-believer should not divorce.
1 Corinthians 7:13

You wanted to abstain from fornication, then you broke up with him. Sex alone does mot make a marriage. You did not continue in fornication, nor marry a man not seeking what you are seeking. Many Americans over the age of 18 are single, divorced or widow/widower. God is more important than the pleasures of the flesh. Sex before marriage is not recommended. A couple may plan marriage while dating. Most marriages produce offspring.

 

[gym_class_hero]

Hi,

I'm new, and I just needed a place to write my heart out and seek advice. I grew up in a Christian family, but God captured my rebellious heart just a few months ago. At that time, I was in an online relationship with a boy and we were getting serious about meeting each other. But at that time, I surrendered my heart to Jesus, and I immediately realized that I cannot be in such a close relationship with an unsaved person anymore. More, my heart wept because he did not know the Lord, and I had led him astray by calling myself Christian but doing things a Christian is not supposed to do.

I cut off all communication and spent a week writing an email. I tried my best explaining how I had become a true Christian, I confessed for my actions and explained that I cannot continue like before because the things we are doing is intended by God only for people committed in marriage and now I want to live to please Him. Then I wrote the gospel and warned about God's judgment, and begged him to consider about Jesus. I also sent him links to Christian resources.

I got a reply soon which said that he appreciated it, that I would always be his friend, and hoped I will be happy on my own. But he also said that he did not believe in God because why would there be so much suffering and misery in the world if there was. That was the last thing he has written to me.

I have been trying so hard to let go of the past and live in my new life pleasing my Savior Jesus. But its so hard at times...I feel so dark and regret everything I did in the past. I get so wrecked up sometimes. These days, I've been wallowing in doubts. And I get angry at myself for breaking up with him. I tell myself I should have kept him, he was so good to me, he was the dream man of any girl, I hurt him, I led him astray, I lost him, I lost my testimony, I'm worthless..

I ask myself, did I just push him away from God forever by ending my relationship with him?

I try to remember how I had made the decision in much prayer and thought..but still one part of me misses him. Oh why is Jesus not enough for me, why do I still err..

I made up my mind to pray for his salvation every day... I do pray, but I feel like I'm already losing hope after 2 months.

Why am I feeling like I made a mistake by breaking up with him? Did I do the right thing? Should I keep praying for his salvation, or is it too much to ask for...after all, I don't deserve to ask anything of God because all I've done.

Ive talked to my girls about this, but we have to think logically before we decide who to date or enter into a relationship with. Because after you are emotionally involved, its hard to cut the cord, even when we know that's for the best.

that being said, we have to decide whether God's word is the truth or not. Once we have settled that, we find our answers. The past is gone, the bible says "if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

"Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been perfected, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have laid hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize of God’s heavenly calling in Christ Jesus. "

Once I confess my sin, I have to move on from it. God doesn't remind me of my sin, Satan does. He does that to keep me drowned in guilt, paralyzing me to live differently moving forward. That's his goal.

I have to be deliberate in changing my thoughts thru God's word.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think on these things. 9Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me, put into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. "

 

[dhh712]

Hi,

I'm new, and I just needed a place to write my heart out and seek advice. I grew up in a Christian family, but God captured my rebellious heart just a few months ago. At that time, I was in an online relationship with a boy and we were getting serious about meeting each other. But at that time, I surrendered my heart to Jesus, and I immediately realized that I cannot be in such a close relationship with an unsaved person anymore. More, my heart wept because he did not know the Lord, and I had led him astray by calling myself Christian but doing things a Christian is not supposed to do.

I cut off all communication and spent a week writing an email. I tried my best explaining how I had become a true Christian, I confessed for my actions and explained that I cannot continue like before because the things we are doing is intended by God only for people committed in marriage and now I want to live to please Him. Then I wrote the gospel and warned about God's judgment, and begged him to consider about Jesus. I also sent him links to Christian resources.

I got a reply soon which said that he appreciated it, that I would always be his friend, and hoped I will be happy on my own. But he also said that he did not believe in God because why would there be so much suffering and misery in the world if there was. That was the last thing he has written to me.

I have been trying so hard to let go of the past and live in my new life pleasing my Savior Jesus. But its so hard at times...I feel so dark and regret everything I did in the past. I get so wrecked up sometimes. These days, I've been wallowing in doubts. And I get angry at myself for breaking up with him. I tell myself I should have kept him, he was so good to me, he was the dream man of any girl, I hurt him, I led him astray, I lost him, I lost my testimony, I'm worthless..

I ask myself, did I just push him away from God forever by ending my relationship with him?

I try to remember how I had made the decision in much prayer and thought..but still one part of me misses him. Oh why is Jesus not enough for me, why do I still err..

I made up my mind to pray for his salvation every day... I do pray, but I feel like I'm already losing hope after 2 months.

Why am I feeling like I made a mistake by breaking up with him? Did I do the right thing? Should I keep praying for his salvation, or is it too much to ask for...after all, I don't deserve to ask anything of God because all I've done.

You did the right thing if you are serious about a commitment to Christ. You can be acquainted with unbelievers, but to be in a relationship either a romantic or even a close friendship is unadvised. Satan is a very clever and strong enemy and it is never a good thing to trifle with him. Yes we have the victory but it is Christ who does it; never think you can get by on your own wiles.

I also ended a relationship with an unbeliever after I became converted. It is a very difficult thing to do and you often think of what if? In my case, I thought about the times we had together which were pleasant and he wasn't a bad person at all, quite the opposite--a very good "catch" if you will (sounds like your situation is similar).

Yet, as trite as the biblical phrase may sound, it is a very bad thing to be unequally yoked. You don't go into a relationship like that for one who is serious about having Christ at the center of their life because He really can't be in that kind of relationship. Sometimes God puts us in that relationship for his own infinitely wise purposes, but that is when one party becomes converted after they are married to the other. Then we have a choice as to what we can do based on the other party's response to our conversion.

If you have not already, please try to find a church so you can have good Christian fellowship with others. This helped me tremendously when I broke away from my long-term relationship.

 

[paul1149]

I think you did the right thing. He could have come back wanting to talk about it more. If I understand it correctly, that was an option for him. You made a clear Gospel witness.

Most importantly, you made the decision in your own heart to consecrate yourself to the Lord. Even if you make mistakes along the way, that is the path to life. So put the doubts behind you and continue on that path.

Also, you don't know what might happen in time. You planted a seed. The ground doesn't seem receptive right now, but then, tomorrow is another day. So keep praying and believing.

One other thing, the stuff that was going on can be a cover for a lot of problems below the surface. Before marriage is the right time to deal with those issues, to make sure the relationship has a sound foundation, because corrections after marriage are many times difficult or impossible. You were right to want to build on solid rock.

I think the direction you're going in is commendable. I'm not surprised the flesh and the devil are raising a ruckus. Keep on doing the right thing in Christ and looking toward your reward (Mat 6.33; Heb 11.6).

 

[dysert]

I think you did the right thing. Giving something (or someone) up that you care about is going to hurt. But in the long run, continuing in an unequally-yoked relationship hurts more. It's natural to second-guess because of the loss. The enemy tells you that you'll never find someone else as good, that it didn't matter that he wasn't a believer, that he would have eventually come around, etc. THEY'RE ALL LIES. The enemy is a liar, so you should not believe these things.

It's good that you continue to pray for him, but two months is certainly not a long time. I prayed for my former best friend (an atheist) for over ten years before finally giving up.

 

[dysert]

That you ended a relationship with a "best friend" because he has different spiritual beliefs than you - is "disturbing". Then you "gave up" - because he would not believe the way you do - equally disturbing.

Jesus was a friend to the tax collectors. Rahab the Prostitute was put right with God on the basis of here deeds - not because of her belief in God/Jesus.

Sounds to me like you are putting your faith in false prophets. See post 9.

You're reading more into my post than what's there. I did not end my relationship because he was an atheist. The fact is we moved away from each other, and the relationship simply dissolved.

Also I didn't give up because he would not believe the way I do. There were other factors at play that affected my prayer life.

Sounds to me like you are judging something you know nothing about. Don't eisegete my posts.

 

["Beloved"]

n/a

 

[EmmaCat]

Praying for you!

All good things
Emmy