Regarding Marriage

[TeacherOfTheLight]

She's out there. Looking at things practically is good to do. Don't talk like that to her of course. Whoever her happens to be.

 

[Luther073082]

Come to think of it I've met a few girls who might fit that bill on the net but thats on the net and they all live a good ways away.

Edit: Yeah I know, and the girl doesn't even have to be Lutheran or anything. But if I had to create my absolutly ideal perfect woman. (Which doesn't exist because nothing is perfect) She would be about 22, conservative ELCA Lutheran, beautiful, celibrates her Lutheran heritage as much as I celibrate my Lutheran non-heritage. (I did not grow up Lutheran, I became one at 22. Of course its ok if her heritage is the same as mine), loves children and wants to have several. Probably has a college degree, loves to ballroom dance, and is very involved.

But anyways, I'll see who God puts in my path.

 

[TeacherOfTheLight]

Good plan, I think. Be honest with expectations, and realistic.

 

[He put me back together]

There are a number of cultures in the United States who practice arranged marriage, and some of them have very low divorce rates--I can't say I'm very well informed on their degrees of happiness, but such a thing is difficult to measure at any rate.

The commonly held view of Americans in my experience, however, is that of disdain for arranged marriage. This is not necessarily without just cause, particularly in our society, as it is quite arguable that the people who are going to live with the union for the rest of their lives should be responsible for choosing with whom they are going to share the union. In a culture where people usually marry those who are their own age (not that all or most of those preferring arranged marriage don't), and do so at an increasingly mature age, this makes a good deal of sense.

The ignorant view that many Americans hold, however, is one that those in arranged marriages love each other less than those who choose for themselves. Not only is this view not properly supported by evidence, but it stands hypocritically against the basest of our values--no other member of one's family can be chosen either, but that does not stop us from loving our mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers with all of our hearts. The same is reasonably applicable to arranged marriages.

 

[Snowyyy]

I should start up a website for marriages of convience. (I term it as that because arranged usually means someone else arranged it. A marriage of convience means you married because it worked out well for the both of you for other things then love)

You could run searchs of what each person is seeking out of the marriage. Political gain, companionship, children, and even a combined income. And then they both sit down and create a written agreement on every aspect of the marriage as to what each partner will do so each person can acheive what they desire out of the marriage.

The main reason I don't is because this would only encourage adultry and divorce because westerners already don't know the meaning of a committment.

Not to mention this would also cause glorified prostitution where a woman marries a man with a lot of money and he provides her a generious salary for sleeping with him.

Some people deliberately have a fling with such people who suit their description of an ideal partner and they term it as "love marriage". What's the difference then?

 

[Luther073082]

Some people deliberately have a fling with such people who suit their description of an ideal partner and they term it as "love marriage". What's the difference then?

I'm not exactly sure what you are saying here.

But I wouldn't want to do anything that in any way supports, encourages, or aids in the commission of the sins of adultry or divorce.

Cause really I don't care why two people get married as long as they stay married and don't commit adultry. And that includes the so called "open marriages" I see that as still being adultry.

 

[dusky_tresses]

I just had to say a few words on arranged marriage:

1. Nowadays, the marriages aren't so much "arranged" because the potential bride and groom actually meet each other before getting married and do get some time to get to know each other. The general consensus is "well since this has worked for our grandparents and parents, it'll work for us too"

2. David Weinlick got married that way at the Mall of America:
http://wcco.com/watercooler/David.Weinlick.Elizabeth.2.358720.html
and he's not alone either. There are a lot of single men here in the US who want to marry a good, conservative-minded girl who actually go out of their way to marry a girl from Eastern Europe and Asia.

3. One of the reasons arranged marriage is such a turn-off for people is because you do it on the wedding night with someone you don't know. But at the same time, people go out to bars and bring back people to their homes who they barely know and sleep with them. So it's a matter of how you look at it, but personally I'd want to have sex with someone I know very well and love.

4. Although many of the arranged marriages now are done with more of the consent from the couple involved, there is still a high incidence of arranged marriages occuring where the bride/or groom have no choice, ie child arranged marriages. These still occur but mostly in rural areas of lower-developed countries, where their families may feel that there have no other choice, and therefore their children have no choice either.

5. There is nothing wrong with arranged marriage in itself, but you have to be a person who wants that for yourself. I'm Indian and a few of my relatives were married this way because that's just the way things were...I'm getting married and I chose to be with my fiance. I would not be a good person for an arranged marriage because I'd probably make their life hell, and I need to be someone who makes every single choice for myself.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I was supposed to have an arranged marriage (I'm a white Christian who was homeschooled). I flat out rebelled against it, and instead pretty much arranged my own.

Yes, I found a guy, he found me, we met one day, dated the next, and said let's get married three weeks later. We knew what we wanted and we found it. We didn't really love each other yet but we pretty much arranged it to go to marriage for ourselves.

 

[PixieSunbelle]

i wouldnt want an arranged marriage because you do not know the person until that day.

 

[handmaiden97]

I have been in cultures where arranged marriage was the norm. the older couple I met who had arranged marriages seemed to have grwon to love each other. but some of the young people whole marriages were being arranged did not want to marry the person they were being coerced into marrying.
I have met and read of others whose arranged marriage turned out very badly.

here it is not done very often. in fact in western cultrue is it extremly rare. I have met or heard of a few christian families who did arrange a marriage for their children. however ine very case the young people involved agreed to marry the other person and had time to get to know the person before they had to decide.

I am all for God arranging a marriage for me, but am not sure I could trust a parent to do it

 

[Antje]

Arranged marriage is unusual in most Western cultures today.

I think that arranged marriages can work out quite well when there is a culture/community of support around it. And if both husband and wife agree to the marriage. I believe that love is something you learn, and is something you need to make a commitment to, and that goes for any model of marriage. My gut instinct says that this kind of learned love in marriage is generally easier to accomplish if you have some sort of love to start out with, such as the love that grows in courtship.

Forced marriage is equivalent to rape in my opinion (when said marriage is consummated).

My own marriage was not arranged, we dated and grew to love each other, and got engaged in the usual Western way, and that is my strong personal preference.

 

[*Starlight*]

I don't think that arranged marriages are actually good, because the idea of arranged marriages is very close to the idea of forced marriages, and that's very bad. If someone thinks that two people who don't know each other would be a good couple, it's good just to introduce them to each other, let them become friends, and maybe one day if they fall in love with each other, they will get married.

 

[yeshuaslavejeff]

I have been in cultures where arranged marriage was the norm. the older couple I met who had arranged marriages seemed to have grwon to love each other. but some of the young people whole marriages were being arranged did not want to marry the person they were being coerced into marrying.
I have met and read of others whose arranged marriage turned out very badly.

here it is not done very often. in fact in western cultrue is it extremly rare. I have met or heard of a few christian families who did arrange a marriage for their children. however ine very case the young people involved agreed to marry the other person and had time to get to know the person before they had to decide.

I am all for God arranging a marriage for me, but am not sure I could trust a parent to do it

Abba means PaPa, and He set it up , who changed?

 

[SistrNChrist]

I'm all for any arranged marriage that allows me to spend some time with my potential mate and decide whether or not he meets my list of qualifications, and then choose if I want to marry him or not. BTW, all I want in a husband is that he is a Christian (and I don't care if he is Methodist, Baptist, etc.), treats me with love and respect, trusts me, would make a good father for the kids we will have one day, and he needs to be used to the idea of spending some weekends with my family, since I was raised in a culture where the family is the most important thing in your life, and I'm not about to shut them out because my husband doesn't want to get to know his in laws. Other than that, I really don't care about looks, brains, or financial status.