Redhead With A Temper!!

[OrangeHope]

Lately Alex has such a temper...a bad one...
If she doesn't get what she wants she'll yell and make a fuss about it.
She yells if we tell her not to touch the key board, remove her from a place she's not allowed to be in, when we change her diaper and she wants to make a run for it and gets mad when we lay her back down to put a new diapers back on her or simply when we feed her and she doesn't want that certain food.
Getting a little mad or frustrated o.k but throwing a temper is driving us crazy.
We calmly tell her not to yell and we're not sure if she's getting it.

Is there any good way to teach a 10 month old not to scream or yell when she doesn't get her way? I was thinking about time out's but I think she's too young for that, am I right?

 

[DreamsAreFree]

She is way too young for that, she wouldn't understand. Do you give her choices i.e. do you want a banana or apple? Usually that works for young children. She is only ten months old - of course she has better things to do than have her diaper changed. There's a whole world out there to explore! ;-) At this age I think all you can do is just change her and tell her, "You can go and get ... after you've had your diaper changed". The wanting to crawl away from changes is normal at this age.

 

[tiffyof6ntwins]

If she does this constantly i would recommend telling her that just because she doesnt like something doesnt mean she can scream.. they under stand the word no and that is what causes most tantrums to happen.. anything that triggers it keep her away from if possible. also if she doesnt want to eat give her choices if she still continues to have her fits.. then tell her to stop and eat or she can go take a nap.. this worked wonders with my kids.. i would tell them i guess someone is too grouchy to eat and needs a nap.. yes they cried in their cribs.. did it hurt them.. no . they will not starve themselves they dont eat certain things because they know what they want but they dont know how to communicate yet.. if she doesnt like what you give her .. show her all the different choices and let her choose.. if she doesnt want to choose shes not that hungry.. she could also be going through a stage of doesnt want to eat.. and for the age group.. NO is the most evil word they know.. its one of the first they hear and learn to say.

 

[Hadassah]

Our little one started around 9 months doing that. It was INSANE.

We got down on his level, or brought him to ours and told him that under no circumstances were those actions we would tolerate. Screaming/temper tantrum were not allowed if you did not like what you were told. When mommy/daddy say "come here", you come here... if we say "Hot!" do not touch.. etc.

It took TONS of consistancy, and it still does.

I was having to get on to him today while he was in the playroom/bedroom while my DH was asleep... I'd ask what he was doing, and if he was supposed to. Everytime he knew he was not, he walked away, stomped his feet and screamed or cried.

If fits continue, we start with "sit by/with mommy" and if that deteriorates into a fit, one goes into the crib/playpen (no toys)... and when we can act like ourselves again and are reasonable - we can come out and apologise.

Choices are few "Are you hungry?" (yes/no), "Do you want to eat?" (yes/no) "Will you come here so I can pick you up?" (yes/no).. and if he doesn't come, I can't/won't get him.

Little ones get really overwhelmed if there is more than two options..

If my LO doesn't want to eat something on his plate, we have a "no throw" policy. It goes BACK on the plate, or the plate is taken away until later when we mean business about our meal.

I am asked about 200 times a day "Little boy take a bath?" since we had really hot weather and that was our main cool-off method... and the answer every time is "no, not now". Well, at almost 15 months - he's not going to remember in 1-2 hours that he already asked... so I'm asked again "Bath? Little boy take a bath?"

Today the answer was "after your nap". He asked and asked up until his nap... every 30 minutes sometimes.. "No, after your nap you can. The sooner you sleep, the sooner you bathe." And after his nap, he got a bath.

Apparently "cake" is tied to "birthday" - so I'm asked often if "we/little boy have birthday?" - last week he was so fixated on having cake (I guess it has been 2 months since we had any), and I didn't figure out exactly how it tied in since we have no birthdays for another 2 weeks... when my mom asked if maybe he just meant 'cake'.
Easy solution - he asked and I said "after lunch I will make some cake. You can have it, IF you eat lunch".

I made the cake. He picked at his plate and took a nap. He woke up and asked about "birthday" and I told him his lunch was still waiting.. He ate it, and afterwards I reminded him and he got cake.
"Little boy birthday?"
No, this is a regular every day cake, but it is yours. You can have this cake now.

I remember 9-10 months being the absolute hardest because he would refuse to talk some weeks, partly due to the changes in his environment, partly due to developmental changes, and some due to sheer stubbornness. We had to insist that he learn how to sign "milk" so I knew he was hungry. We began asking him due to his teething, if he was in pain - to discourage the tantrums and screaming fits... eventually he started saying "'ain" (pain) and sometimes "medizin"... We knew usually then to check the time and see if it was time for more medicine, or if we had to wait.

What made it 100 times worse, was how sick I was with my pregnancy while all of this went on. Without help from my parents - I wouldn't have made it through to 13 months. I was too sick and weak to manage most days.

Now we're doing ok, but consistancy is absolutely the key.

As far as time out goes, it only would last about 1 minute if that long with a child of 9-18 months of age. They pretty much do something and forget why they're in trouble within that space of time.

With much consistancy, they remember not to do something, even shake their heads "no" - but may still go through with whatever it was that is "no".

I can tell in one of two ways that we've met trouble - either silence when there was noise before... or seeing his head shaking no while he's engaged in whatever it is..

Soon as I say for him to come back or "leave that!" - I see him jump up and come running... sometimes not so fast, but you realise things are starting to sink in.

Usually it takes until closer to 18 months for "yes" and "no" to really sink in as a value of something rather than an abstract concept... which is why it is so important to either babyproof, or be ready to be up and down all day long reinforcing what you want to stick.

 

[Assisi]

Choices are good Matt can eat whatever he wants, but it's a choice of only good foods (and vegies first lol otherwise he eats only meat). Children start to have preferences at this age and will go through stages/days of only eating one thing. Some nights Matt wants carrots carrots carrots and nothing else, other nights it's all about the corn. It evens out in the end. I don't force Matt to eat anything, nor do I stop him from eating anything, because I believe that happy associations with food now will lead to good eating in the future.

At nappy change time I ask Matt 'would you like to read a book while you have your nappy changed?' He doesn't always choose to read, sometimes he chooses to protest, but the book is a good distraction. I know the words off by heart and he holds the book and turns the pages.

I think that they are learning appropriate behaviour and so while it's important to tell them what not to do, it's also important to then offer a suitable alternative guiding them towards good behaviour not just away from bad behaviour. When teaching Matt not to touch the oven we told him 'no' but also told him to turn around and come back. It meant he knew what he should be doing, not just what he shouldn't. When he started to turn around on his own we could praise him for being good. As a result Matt's first word was 'good' lol, and instead of lots of tantrums we got to tell him how good we think he is. For a while there he'd crawl towards the oven, then turn around and look at me and crawl away saying 'good' to himself. Of course we get our fair share of tantrums too though.

 

[Birbitt]

I have a great tip for the yelling issue. When young children yell and scream I simply speak to them in a whisper...they will almost always stop yelling so they can hear what I am saying. Then we are both happier because I am calm and the baby isn't screaming.

 

[myanchor]

If they understand what you say, they do understand a small time out. You have to remember dogs have about the same amount of intellgence as a child that age and we do train them. If they don't like sitting in the crib alone for a little while and they get it everytime they show out, they will figure out maybe I'd better not do this.

 

[Stan53]

Is there any good way to teach a 10 month old not to scream or yell when she doesn't get her way? I was thinking about time out's but I think she's too young for that, am I right?

I think you know what is needed OrangeHope. Talking to a 10 month old is a waste of time. Time out to a 10 month old will mean precisely nothing. And reserve the lectures for the teenagers. But if you do what you know inside to do, it will only take one, maybe 2 at the outside. She will scream blue murder. That's OK. It is better than you having to scream blue murder when she is 15.
Just get on with it and be firm.