recovery fraud?

[Caelesto]

....I feel like should start this like I'm at a 12-step meeting.

Hi everyone, I'm Caelesto.

[:::"hiiiiii Caelesto":::]

I've struggled with both anorexia and major depression since I was like ....11? I don't actually remember what it was like to NOT struggle with both of those.

The anorexia got really out of control back in about mid-2011 when I was getting dangerously underweight. I managed to pull myself out of it on my own, have not weighed myself since the end of 2011, and I think I have been mostly maintaining a healthy weight.

(yes, there is a "but" coming)

From the outside, I guess I appear to be recovered. But, if I am totally honest, I am not recovered at all.

I'm not restricting or over-exercising, but I hardly eat anything. I work in an office, so my lack of any kind of real physical activity sort of balances out the not eating very much.

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation/mindset during recovery?

I'm not obsessively counting calories or tracking my weight, but I avoid carbs completely, eat one all-meat meal per day, and use my digestive issues as a reason not to eat when I'm with other people. ("I'll eat when I get home, I don't want to risk my IBS flaring up", etc.) As far as friends and family are concerned, I stick to a sort paleo-diet and that seems to keep anyone from feeling suspicion.

I'm not exactly actively trying to lose weight, but I'm also still terrified of gaining weight. I've dug myself into this rut and I have no idea how to get out of it.

 

[teresa]

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[teresa]

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[teresa]

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[teresa]

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[teresa]

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[Amy Cortright]

....I feel like should start this like I'm at a 12-step meeting.

Hi everyone, I'm Caelesto.

[:::"hiiiiii Caelesto":::]

I've struggled with both anorexia and major depression since I was like ....11? I don't actually remember what it was like to NOT struggle with both of those.

The anorexia got really out of control back in about mid-2011 when I was getting dangerously underweight. I managed to pull myself out of it on my own, have not weighed myself since the end of 2011, and I think I have been mostly maintaining a healthy weight.

(yes, there is a "but" coming)

From the outside, I guess I appear to be recovered. But, if I am totally honest, I am not recovered at all.

I'm not restricting or over-exercising, but I hardly eat anything. I work in an office, so my lack of any kind of real physical activity sort of balances out the not eating very much.

Has anyone else found themselves in this situation/mindset during recovery?

I'm not obsessively counting calories or tracking my weight, but I avoid carbs completely, eat one all-meat meal per day, and use my digestive issues as a reason not to eat when I'm with other people. ("I'll eat when I get home, I don't want to risk my IBS flaring up", etc.) As far as friends and family are concerned, I stick to a sort paleo-diet and that seems to keep anyone from feeling suspicion.

I'm not exactly actively trying to lose weight, but I'm also still terrified of gaining weight. I've dug myself into this rut and I have no idea how to get out of it.

I would worry less about recovery and more about whether or not you have improved from where you once where. Not eating any carbs sounds hard that sounds psychologically distress and also not the healthiest the body needs some carbs. I would recommend trying to overcome that. Know it sounds like you have come a long way, yet working with someone to see if you can build up courage to eat carbs sounds good you don't need to eat lot carbs maybe just 2 servings of grains a day or so. All diets differ and there is no perfect diet, but consider some carbs and just not as much as others eat. Know some weight management is good we have to control our weight and calories some how to avoid certain things. It is not a crime to want to be thin or have a healthy concern about food or weight yet we need balance and to be emotionally stable in our concern about it.

Amy