Recently Divorced

[olds8598]

olds8598,

Thank you so much for your words, I'm so sorry what has happened to you as well. It sounds like you are in a good place and getting better with every day. Your story has indeed helped, your story and others have showed me i'm not alone in how i'm feeling. And that things will get better. Even though in the back of my mind I've known all along I will be OK, It's still hard to get passed a lot of what's happened to me. I know I have to though.

Anyway, thank you so very much and God Bless everyone on this site that has prayed and help with encouraging words.

You're welcome . And thank you.

It's true what they say: 'Time heals all wounds.' One of my best friends in the 80s ended our friendship after only seven years. We've been apart more than we were together. Now, after just about three decades, I could sit down with him and have a beer and catch up. I do not know if we could be friends again, but I definitely could spend time with him.

We all heal individually. For example: you may be faster than me, but slower than the next person. That's ok. It's not a race. It has to do with our personalities, emotional makeup, marital situations, etc. The main thing is that we all heal.

You'll get through it. Take it day by day; if you have to: moment by moment.

One last piece of advice is based on a saying I once heard: "I wept because I had no shoes, then I saw a man with no feet." This basically means there is always someone who has it worse than you. A perfect example of this is the following.

When I was going to Housing Court in Spring 2012 dealing with the eviction scenario, I met a guy whose wife left him after 23 years of marriage for a man she met on Facebook just a few weeks prior. She used to handle their finances, including their rent . So she not only left him, but she left him to be evicted.

 

[Svt4Him]

Hello All, I'm recently divorced. Long story short, I tried to save our marriage. Wife was un-happy and wanted out and didn't even want to try to save it. No cheating or anything like that. She said it was her and she wasn't happy and not in-love with me anymore.

I'm finding it hard to let my feelings for her go. I still loved her, I meant my vows when I spoke them on our wedding day. She is being very vindictive to me lately, she gets angry at me for the smallest things. I believe she has an anger issue and needs help. The problem I'm having is it still crushes me on the inside when she gets mad at me, Like I feel like it's my fault she is mad. Then I get mad at myself because I should be stronger than this. I feel I man up and be strong and not weak.



Thank you all - Andy

DivorceCare is a great program, and they have a daily email they send out that helps you walk through this. One of them is the fact that you have to deal with reality as it is, not as you want it. Anger is not neutral, it's either good or bad and it's an emotion response to the injustice. It is also part of the healing.

That said, in my experience, most people run from something and run to something else.

 

[Runaway]

Hello All, I'm recently divorced. Long story short, I tried to save our marriage. Wife was un-happy and wanted out and didn't even want to try to save it. No cheating or anything like that. She said it was her and she wasn't happy and not in-love with me anymore.

I'm finding it hard to let my feelings for her go. I still loved her, I meant my vows when I spoke them on our wedding day. She is being very vindictive to me lately, she gets angry at me for the smallest things. I believe she has an anger issue and needs help. The problem I'm having is it still crushes me on the inside when she gets mad at me, Like I feel like it's my fault she is mad. Then I get mad at myself because I should be stronger than this. I feel I man up and be strong and not weak.

Others that have had to deal with divorce, how did you cope with your divorce and the interaction you had with your ex?

Thank you all - Andy

 

[Runaway]

Divorce is horrible. I never thought it would be like this. And it was all my fault. Because i didn't deal with the demons that i should have before i got married at 18. He was my best friend and my hero. I feel like i don't know how to not love him. Thankfully, we get along really well and coparent awesome together, but i know i have to let him go and let him move on. He tried as hard as he could and i just kept running away. People say i'm harder on myself than anyone is, but im not sure i know how to forgive breaking my vows no matter what kind of stuff i was dealing with. It's hard....really hard....
I'm sorry for you too.... I'm not really sure how people get over divorce? :/

 

[Runaway]

I just realized that i'm replying to a really old thread :/

 

[dayhiker]

Happens often, Runaway ... thanks for sharing some of your story.

 

[SWMagain]

Hello All, I'm recently divorced. Long story short, I tried to save our marriage. Wife was un-happy and wanted out and didn't even want to try to save it. No cheating or anything like that. She said it was her and she wasn't happy and not in-love with me anymore.

I'm finding it hard to let my feelings for her go. I still loved her, I meant my vows when I spoke them on our wedding day. She is being very vindictive to me lately, she gets angry at me for the smallest things. I believe she has an anger issue and needs help. The problem I'm having is it still crushes me on the inside when she gets mad at me, Like I feel like it's my fault she is mad. Then I get mad at myself because I should be stronger than this. I feel I man up and be strong and not weak.

Others that have had to deal with divorce, how did you cope with your divorce and the interaction you had with your ex?

Thank you all - Andy

My wife told me exactly the same thing! However, I learned she was lying through her teeth. Turn out she was making booty calls to some guy out of state that she met at a concert. I'd recommend a private investigator to help you find closure. P's almost always find something. My ex was doing me the same way until I proved she was cheating. Since I hit the proof, the interactions have gotten better. No more manipulation, no more lies, just talk about what we need to, and she knows I know. I can't tell you enough how much knowing the truth helped me get closure.

 

[Dr. Duderino]

My heart goes out to olds8598 and all who are here.

I cannot understand why some people throw away their beloved spouses and marriages like an old pair of shoes, treat them as trash. Simply "grow apart...its not you, its me" nonsense.

My heart goes out to the OP and others here who went through similar things.
I feel so sorry that your ex-spouses basically ditched you for no good reason. No abuse or adultery.
Pure selfishness, no sense of honor, no sense of duty to their spouse and children. No fear of God, nor love of God.

If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen? And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.
1 John 4:20-21

In my situation, my ex was full blown BPD, abusive and adulterous. She claimed to be sorry, but quickly her attitude and actions revealed otherwise and I initiated the divorce of a marriage that was de-facto no longer existent. One day crying, one day laughing and acting as though nothing happened.

Honestly, this is an atrocity. These people should be deeply ashamed of themselves and afraid. God almighty sees all, I pray for their repentance.