reaonable expectations

lavenderblue · Nov 4, 2003

is it reasonable for a wife to expect her husband to help out around the house and with the kids when he gets home from work in the evening?

Iddie4him · Nov 4, 2003

Of course, He can help with stuff too.
He helps make the dirty dishes, dirty clothes, etc.
He can also do other stuff to help out. vaccuming, whatever, anything to help out.

katelyn · Nov 4, 2003

I don't mind if my husband doesn't help out too much with housekeeping (but I have to say, mine does try to be very helpful - which I am really glad for!!), but I do really appreciate it when he tries not to leave too horrible of a mess behind for me to pick up. (i.e., not leaving dirty dishes or clothes in obscure places and things like that.) I think that is just common courtesy.

Helping out with the kids...I don't have kids so I'm not an expert on this matter by any means , but I think that parenting should definitely be a two person job!!! I think it's very important for the father to have an active role.

I can eat 50 eggs · Nov 4, 2003

Reasonable! No way!

don't you know the 11-15th commandments?

11. Men, thou shalt not clean dishes
12. Men, thou shalt not clean the tent (modern version translate this as house)
13. Men, thou shalt not change poopy diapers
14. men, thou shalt not do tentwork
15. men thou shalt not vacuum (this one really confused people till about 50 years ago.)

mamaneenie · Nov 4, 2003

I usually

mamaneenie · Nov 4, 2003

I usually don't worry too much if my husband doesn't help me with the housework, as I am a stay at home mum. My son is almost 2. I would prefer he plays with my son when he comes home, rather than feel he has to help with the chores. Usually (unless he has to work too late) when he comes home from work, my husband gets changed, makes a cuppa, has dinner, and then usually spends an hour with our son before he goes to bed (the baby). I usually clean the kitchen.

When the baby goes to bed, that is usually our free time, to spend together, or doing our own thing.

On the weekends I usually ask my husband to help me a bit more, so I feel like I can have a break as well. I usually give him a list of things that need to be done and he makes a choice what he would like to help with. This usually works out.

The one thing I expect from my husband is that if I am sick or tired and feel swamped with housework, that he either does it for me, or just ignores it!!

I can eat 50 eggs · Nov 4, 2003

That's sarcasm folks. sorry if it didn't come through.

I think this happens alot, why? because men are inherently lazy, and will let it slip if we can. We start out all helpful and stuff, but slowly we ease off and become a slob.

lucypevensie · Nov 4, 2003

Well, it's true that some men are lazy and slobby, but not all men are that way. I think it's sort of unkind of anyone to expect their spouse to come in after work and immediately get started on cleaning the house. Let them unwind for a little bit after putting in a day at work.

LadySaint · Nov 5, 2003

It doesn't hurt for the husband to help out especially with the children. Too many men think that it is all a woman's job. Most women would be appreciative of their husbands and reciprocate in return.

ceres · Nov 5, 2003

Well, if someone is a stay-at-home-mom with one kid, I think it would be practical to get the house work done because if your husband works full time, then the stay-at-home-mom's job is kind of like housework and childwork. But he should be taking care of the kids when he gets home to give you a break. But practically if the housework gets done while the husband is working then you can spend more time with him when he gets home. On the other hand if you both work, he needs to get moving and help. I guess I just don't know the exact situation, so it depends.

On another note some women feel love by their husbands helping them with stuff around the house or whatever. The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, my love language is the one that involves doing something for the other person. So to me help around the house goes a long way in love. If that is it for you, he needs to learn and realize that....

charligirl · Nov 5, 2003

I think it depends on your work situation, if you stay at home then I think housework is sort of part of the job description. If you work as well then it's quite fair to share the chores

cynjo59 · Nov 5, 2003

In our situation my husband is the main provider while I hold a part time job. (sometimes full time hours but still labeled part time) I have no problem with him coming home after work and falling into his recliner while I fix dinner, etc... I don't even mind fixing his plate and bringing it to him. On the other hand he has no problem with helping out with small things (flipping the pork chops in the hope of snitching a piece). When he was unemployed for the winter because his work then was seasonal, he simple DID the housework while I was at work. I would come home and dinner would be ready and the laundry would be done- the whole nine yards. I never asked him to do it- and I never would have. I was raised in a home where my mother believed that it was the wife's place to do for her husband in the home. It was one of her ways of showing love for her husband and I acquired her belief. Yet, it IS nice when he does help out.

chriso · Nov 5, 2003

I think it is great if a husband helps his wife out around the house. I didn't use to and it makes her feel really appreciated. Plus she will have more time to spend with you if you will help her out.

faith177 · Nov 5, 2003

I think if the husband works full time and the wife is a stayat home mom then her job is the house. I don't expect my husband to do any house work because he works his butt off all day. He is very good at helping out if I am behind and company is coming and he does all the car stuff and yard work.

stubbornkelly · Nov 5, 2003

Certainly it's reasonable.

YouthPastor · Nov 6, 2003

Depends on the situation.

If you are a stay at home mom/wife - then I would say that the house is pretty much your "responsibility" - just as his job is his. Plus if things get done before he gets home - you will have more time to spend together.

An occasional help around the house - would still be nice.

If both work - especially full time -then yes I think both should help with the house work.

LifeInYou · Nov 6, 2003

Warning:female wants to throw in random fact

I think I've discovered the best way to get dishes done (unless you have small children) is to simply have whoever uses the dish to rinse it and stick it in the dishwasher to be cleaned immediately after. That way they don't pile up and you don't have to stand there for 3 hours cleaning all of 'em. Anyways, yeah, back to the thread.....

katelyn · Nov 6, 2003

LifeInYou said:
I think I've discovered the best way to get dishes done (unless you have small children) is to simply have whoever uses the dish to rinse it and stick it in the dishwasher to be cleaned immediately after.

I agree! A pet peeve of mine is when someone can make the effort to get the dish all the way to the kitchen sink, but they can't stick it in the dishwasher! I just don't get it! But anyway...lol...

stubbornkelly · Nov 12, 2003

I guess my thinking it's reasonable has to do with the idea that a man can work from 9 to 5 and be "done" whereas a woman is expected to work 24/7, and if something that needs doing happens while both she and her husband are at home, she's expected to do it because it's "woman's work." Unless she's been sitting around eating bonbons all day (which, come on, we all know doesn't happen), I don't see why her job never ends while his is only 8 or 9 hours. Do men have no responsibilities once they come home from work?

Evening Mist · Nov 12, 2003

I'm sort of amazed by all the posts suggesting that SAHMs be responsible for the housework because they are home. Its can be really hard to get housework done and care for children at the same time, especially small children. When our children were babies, my husband took for granted that nothing was going to get done until he was home to either take the baby out of my arms, or get to work making dinner himself. But maybe we just had exceptionally demanding babies. I don't know.

Now that they are older, I can often get the housework and cooking done, but not always and never perfectly. In fact, there was one day last week that I had to call him and tell him to bring a pizza because I couldn't leave the kids alone out in the front yard while I fixed dinner, and I knew they needed the fresh air and exersize. Everyday there are errands to run, activities to take them too, playdates to supervise, homework to help with, games to play with them and 603 questions to be answered. There is also comittee work to be done at school, and bills to pay, phone calls to make, dr.'s apts. to keep, etc.

I don't expect him to clean the house in the evenings, but I do expect him to pitch in 50/50 with the kids until they are in bed. If he doesn't feel well or whatever, he can tell me so. But he is not automatically entitled to "down time" anymore than I am.

I work for pay on saturdays, but most weekends we tend to make a joint list of what needs to be done around the house and both of us work toward chipping away at it.

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reaonable expectations

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