Really, Why in the heck does God still keep me alive?

[aflower4God]

You know I am VERY frustrated..WITH GOD!
I can't think for the life of me why the heck does God have me still alive.
I am like a bump on a log really I am
Really, let me list the reasons.
- I am stuck at home for 50 hours a week while my best friend works, I am too depressed to do anything anymore cause I feel I have nothing exciting to wake up to.
- I can't walk around this neighborhood cause it is unsafe
- No way I can volenteer how can I get there, I tried that route.
- The SSD are taking their time, heard no word from them.
- My best friend/only friend does not want to move, she scared it si going to be worse if we move to a better community where as I can walk around.
- No Churches are close by for me to go to and if they were how would I get there cause I have no transportation.
- The only thing I have is the internet
- I have a hard time keep friends (daily e pen pals) either they listen to rumors or they hate my pureness, (why does God keep me around then)
- I tried the dating thing and I thought i recently found the right guy I asked him a question (simple question about his pic) he has stop all communication with me and has blocked me, he said he does not like me.
- I can't go to any support groups cause they are far away from my home and again transportation issue (I WISH I could go to one BELIEVE ME that is what I NEED) And I could meet people there.

It has been two years of my life that I have been living like this, my question and frustration is WHY DOES GOD CONTINUE TO KEEP ME A LIVE? WHAT PURPOSE DO I HAVE LIVING...I mean lets use logic here I would have found some purpose by now, after 2 years!!!!
I litterally have nothing to wake up to, that I am really excited about.
I am so so frustrated with God.
I am 38 never married, never been in love and I think that is a simple request/prayer.
NO I am not looking for a pitty party just want to vent how I am so mad at God right for keeping me a live when there are other people in this world who are sadly dying who NEED to be alive cause they are worth something, they have kids, or they have someone who loves them or they are studying to be something, they are able to work, or they are still very young and have a HUGE future in front of them. As for me I AM IN THE WAY!!!!!!!!!!!
I am sorry to complain about the same thing. I am sorry for talking about leaving (the woods), but what else am I suppose to do, I am tired of it all.
One simple request to fall in love with some guy, to have something to look forward to when I wake up, instead of the pills I take.
Plus I am too sensitive to be alive, REALLY I AM. People (well most people) hate that, you know my sensitivity. And I am not "cool" enough.
Again I AM SO SORRY for the negative post, I am just fed up, SO VERY VERY FED UP at this point!.
I am probably going to get a lot more views than replies but at this point I don't care cause I am IN THE WAY!
Perhaps Jesus will listen to you all and maybe he will answer the prayer for me to GO HOME, there is NO PURPOSE FOR ME HERE.

 

[SplendidTree]

Hey sister!

I thought you and your roommate were going to that nice area more? Is that something you can get out and enjoy sometimes?

I am sorry you are struggling but I am praying for you and God has a purpose for everyone. Have you ever asked any neighbor's, perhaps Tutt's owners about churches or anything? Maybe if they go you can try to go with them or something.

Maybe try calling a church and at least talk to a pastor. Let them know your situation. Some churches will send someone out to see you or set up rides. Same with some support groups as well. Even if someone can talk to you on the phone or visit you sometimes it may help you.

I think somewhere is a man who will love you for who you are. Don't settle for less because you deserve God's best.

I will keep on praying for you and hope things get better for you.

 

[derek W L]

You know I am VERY frustrated..WITH GOD!
I can't think for the life of me why the heck does God have me still alive.
I am like a bump on a log really I am
Really, let me list the reasons.
- I am stuck at home for 50 hours a week while my best friend works, I am too depressed to do anything anymore cause I feel I have nothing exciting to wake up to.
- I can't walk around this neighborhood cause it is unsafe
- No way I can volenteer how can I get there,

Im stuck in a similar situation, i wish i can fly out of this stuck situation,

 

[knw1991]

hi flower i am very very sorry that you feel this way and are dealing with this. i can hear your frustration and i realize you must be very hurt. it seems that you think outside factors make you important like a relationship and other things, but you alone are important and you are NOT worthless. sometimes i feel alone,and like my life is stagnant, boring, and lonely. im currently sitting in a dorm room studying for final exams, it seems as if studying consumes my life and i just get tired of the isolation, the pain and loneliness i feel. i understand how you feel (not to try to minimize your pain), i definitely sympathize with you and i will pray for you. you just being you is worth more than anything you can add to your life,every human being is valuable because they were created by God. <3

 

[derek W L]

,.

 

[aflower4God]

(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))) Thank you
I am glad that you three care enough to reply, out of the 65+ people who viewed the thread, I guess not many people like me either on here.
I am glad that you three care,
Well today I went to the mall and looked for the dress that I am going to wear when I leave, Maybe someone can start a thread when I am dead, since not many people like me. Those who don't like me can celebrate.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for you. Keep praying. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

 

[Krissy Cakes]

I'm praying for you sis!

Its not people don't like you cause they haven't posted but they are at a loss for words and just think praying is the best.

We all LOVE and CARE for you here!

 

[Perhaps Today]

Please don't give up on life. You have so much to live for. I know you're struggling here, but things aren't hopeless. Running away wont solve a single thing. You are loved and cared about. You will be in my prayers as always.

 

[aflower4God]

I am praying for you. Keep praying. ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))

I'm praying for you sis!

Its not people don't like you cause they haven't posted but they are at a loss for words and just think praying is the best.

We all LOVE and CARE for you here!

Please don't give up on life. You have so much to live for. I know you're struggling here, but things aren't hopeless. Running away wont solve a single thing. You are loved and cared about. You will be in my prayers as always.

Thank you all, God bless you all and thank you for your advice. I never thought of it that way. You all are blessings.

 

[Woven]

It's alright to feel fed up. God can handle your anger. Vent all you need.

I agree with Cally about the church thing. I know most churches in our area arrange transport for people who can't get there on their own. It's worth finding out about.

Praying for you.

 

[Criada]

You are worth a great deal, sweetie
I agree with Cally, most churches will organise lifts, and there must be people living near you who do go to church and could take you.
Ask around, sweetie.
Praying for you

 

[Revived]

hi flower i am very very sorry that you feel this way and are dealing with this. i can hear your frustration and i realize you must be very hurt. it seems that you think outside factors make you important like a relationship and other things, but you alone are important and you are NOT worthless. sometimes i feel alone,and like my life is stagnant, boring, and lonely. im currently sitting in a dorm room studying for final exams, it seems as if studying consumes my life and i just get tired of the isolation, the pain and loneliness i feel. i understand how you feel (not to try to minimize your pain), i definitely sympathize with you and i will pray for you. you just being you is worth more than anything you can add to your life,every human being is valuable because they were created by God. <3

Beautifully stated.

 

[Rest4theweary]

Flower, I really wish I could hug you right now.
I'm at a loss and wish I had some magic words to make you feel better.
You are worth so much though. I've only been on here a few days, and I can see how much you encourage and lift up those around you. You have a gift. God has put you here for a reason, and I promise He will show it to you.
I agree with what others have said- call churches and see if they can help you. I'm sure that you will find a place that will be more than willing.

 

[Bikerchick80]

I've felt the same way a lot lately. I yell at God and tell Him what I really think. You aren't alone in your struggle. I really identify about not being able to get out and walk or attend groups that would help. Sometimes in questioning God's purpose for keeping me alive, I actually do gain some insight from Him or by way of another person reminding me of a potential that I don't see in myself, but others do. Reach out, find local groups or individuals in your area that might be able to pick you up for church or events, anything to get into a different environment from time to time.

Grasp onto whatever shred of hope you can because you DO have purpose as long as God leaves you on this earth. I know it's easier to say than believe. It takes so much faith to believe that good will come out of the darkness and seeming pointlessness of life. but...How will you know if you fulfilled your life's purpose if you check out and don't perservere? It's a fight to get up, a fight to not give up, and a fight to find purpose. You can do it, though!

 

[Chococat]

I've not been online at all for a few days plus I feel I need to spend a lot less time on CF so I have not answered. Anyway I don't think there is anything I can add that hasn't already been said. One thing that I have learned lately is that sometimes we have to actually seize the day so to speak and go out and do something instead of just waiting for the good things in life to come to us. Also, and please don't take this the wrong way, but (and this is something I have learned in my CBT) and that is we have to try to be positive. I know that is easier said than done when things are going badly in your life, but thinking and talking negatively just makes you feel even worse because it just reinforces your feelings of depression and worthlessness. Praying for you as always sis

 

[aflower4God]

Thank you all for such wonderful advice. I agree with you, staying positive, and all.
A dear sweet sister showed me a site last night where as I can utilize my creative talents and I must say that really helped a lot to get my mind off of my troubles, it was something positive indeed.
You all are such huge blessings to me and THANK YOU for your prayers they mean SO MUCH to me. Really they do that and the advice you all give. ((((((((((((((((MANY BIG HUGS))))))))))))))) God bless you all

 

[1Brokenheart]

Hey, sorry you are going through all this pain, I read your whole post and it seems so sad, I hope you are doing better

 

[Javanwarbler]

Hey Flower, one reason I don't post much is I feel I don't have much to really contribute and I feel VERY SIMILAR as you in many ways! (ie the depression, not wanting to be in this world anymore, not having a spouse, etc.). Just know you're not alone and you don't have to feel wierd about being older, ( i'm 39 soon to be 40) never married, no kids (I'm that too!)
I don't have hardly any friends at all and the ones i do have I feel those are fading away because of my severe and suicidal depression (it's been that way for a while now) with the 'need' to hide away from people.

I think you DO have a reason to wake up each day! You are a vital link and glue to this forum! Look how many people would MISS you if you left!! No one would miss me. you are LOVED and VALUED here and you help many here with their problems, ( just even make their day brighter which says much!) with your support. Your big heart for others is true treasure; NOT a big career or being successful or just 'having' kids and a spouse. Anyone can have kids but it doesn't mean they should. Lots of people marry but it doesn't mean they should. (because the 2 people often aren't the best match) Wordly success is just that. It won't go with you to heaven. You're doing the greatest thing loving others as one of the main things the Bible commands people to do. I think you are living some of what your purpose is RIGHT NOW, being here as an encouragement and help to people here!
Please don't give up! Satan wants that. God and us don't, so don't let the devil win!

In the meantime...for you Flower!

 

[aflower4God]

Hey Flower, one reason I don't post much is I feel I don't have much to really contribute and I feel VERY SIMILAR as you in many ways! (ie the depression, not wanting to be in this world anymore, not having a spouse, etc.). Just know you're not alone and you don't have to feel wierd about being older, ( i'm 39 soon to be 40) never married, no kids (I'm that too!)
I don't have hardly any friends at all and the ones i do have I feel those are fading away because of my severe and suicidal depression (it's been that way for a while now) with the 'need' to hide away from people.

I think you DO have a reason to wake up each day! You are a vital link and glue to this forum! Look how many people would MISS you if you left!! No one would miss me. you are LOVED and VALUED here and you help many here with their problems, ( just even make their day brighter which says much!) with your support. Your big heart for others is true treasure; NOT a big career or being successful or just 'having' kids and a spouse. Anyone can have kids but it doesn't mean they should. Lots of people marry but it doesn't mean they should. (because the 2 people often aren't the best match) Wordly success is just that. It won't go with you to heaven. You're doing the greatest thing loving others as one of the main things the Bible commands people to do. I think you are living some of what your purpose is RIGHT NOW, being here as an encouragement and help to people here!
Please don't give up! Satan wants that. God and us don't, so don't let the devil win!

In the meantime...for you Flower!

First THANK YOU my dear sweet loving sister for what you said, but I want you to know the reason I bolded that quote no one would miss me" IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO UNTRUE SO MANY people here love you and I do too you are a HUGE PART of this family, PLEASE KNOW THAT, you are a HUGE BLESSING and I will ALWAYS be your friend no matter what, if you ever need to talk my PM box is always open for you. YOU ARE A HUGE BLESSING sweet sister PLEASE KNOW THAT!!!!! Thank you sweet sister.
(((((((((((((((((((((((JAVEN))))))))))))))))))))))))))

And thank you brother 1brokenheart God bless you as well. ((((((((((((((BIG HUGS))))))))))) to you too