Really questioning

[DeerGlow]

This is where faith comes in. Faith is the trust we have in God. We trust Him when he says "I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die"(John 11:26) This is not blind faith though, for the Spirit of God testifies to our Spirit that we are sons of God (Romans 8:15).

We are not sons of God by our own merits but by Grace through faith. None of us here have a worthy heart, nor a heart we are proud of. Our work is not to transform ourselves, that is God's work on a willing heart. Our work is to believe in God. "Jesus answered, "The work of God is this: to believe in the one he has sent."(John 6:29)

I don't know if I have saving faith though. I fear hell extremely but I feel like my heart is too hard and too sinful to repent and believe and be saved.

 

[DeerGlow]

It sounds like you are being too difficult on yourself. In faith we embrace the righteousness of Christ, not our own. Remember this verse. "I will greatly rejoice in the LORD, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for he hath clothed me with the garments of salvation, he hath covered me with the robe of righteousness (Isaiah 61:10)."

Also, and this is a problem for me, beware of enjoying your soul searching too much, as Walker Percy once put it. There can be an odd comfort in doubt that's unhelpful to faith.

Try Os Guinness' book God in the Dark. It was helpful to me several years ago. One part that I recall is his discussion of Luke 24:41, when the disciples see the resurrected Christ. 'And while they still disbelieved for joy and were marveling, he said to them, “Have you anything here to eat?”' Guinness points out that the disciples doubted "for joy," but were not encouraged in this by Christ, who asked them for something to eat to show that he was truly resurrected.

I don't understand much of your post. It's not that I'm trying to save myself like by the law or something, but I am afraid I don't have saving faith. Like mental agreement but not true faith from God.

 

[Sanoy]

I don't know if I have saving faith though. I fear hell extremely but I feel like my heart is too hard and too sinful to repent and believe and be saved.

You believe in hell, and you believe in where salvation lies, the only thing you don't believe in is yourself. Neither do I, but I am not a part of my salvation with the exception of my belief. Honesty refers to how God behaves. You can put your trust in Him when he says "the one who believes in me will live".

 

[DeerGlow]

You believe in hell, and you believe in where salvation lies, the only thing you don't believe in is yourself. Neither do I, but I am not a part of my salvation with the exception of my belief. Honesty refers to how God behaves. You can put your trust in Him when he says "the one who believes in me will live".

I'm not sure about my faith though. Like I feel like I know when someone asks where salvation is from my brain can say Jesus, but what if I don't have saving faith? I feel hard-hearted, like I can agree with the bible but sometimes it feels unreal or like I don't believe in my heart.

 

[HereIStand]

I don't understand much of your post. It's not that I'm trying to save myself like by the law or something, but I am afraid I don't have saving faith. Like mental agreement but not true faith from God.

Sorry to be unclear. It sounds like you are very sincere in seeking salvation. Let doubtful thoughts go. Assurance will come in time.

 

[DeerGlow]

Sorry to be unclear. It sounds like you are very sincere in seeking salvation. Let doubtful thoughts go. Assurance will come in time.

I seek salvation because I'm alone and scared. I feel like I went too far and God is ready to throw me away but I don't want to burn. I don't love God as much as I should, and I don't know how much faith I have. I'm afraid to examine myself and find myself with an unbelieving heart. Like that verse, "Beware lest one of you has an unbelieving heart that turns away from the Lord."

 

[Sanoy]

I'm not sure about my faith though. Like I feel like I know when someone asks where salvation is from my brain can say Jesus, but what if I don't have saving faith? I feel hard-hearted, like I can agree with the bible but sometimes it feels unreal or like I don't believe in my heart.

If one inquires of the mind then the mind will speak, but inquiries of the heart are made known through ones behavior and actions, through their resolve, and through their ruminations.

Have you ever tithed not because you felt you had too but because you wanted to? If not put a non trivial amount to you (like a $20) on the counter and don't tithe it until you want to give it. When you do tithe it remember it, or if you have done so before recall those times. That is one way to inquire of your heart because it can't be inquired of through the mind.

 

[DeerGlow]

If one inquires of the mind then the mind will speak, but inquiries of the heart are made known through ones behavior and actions, through their resolve, and through their ruminations.

Have you ever tithed not because you felt you had too but because you wanted to? If not put a non trivial amount to you (like a $20) on the counter and don't tithe it until you can't wait to give it. When you do tithe it remember it, or if you have done so before recall those times. That is one way to inquire of your heart because it can't be inquired of through the mind.

A lot of the time I feel pressured to, because I see money and my brain is like I promise X to the Lord if I see it or touch it it makes me prone to these thoughts like if I'm grabbing money to eat, and I have to pray for God to release me from impulsive things like that.

Edit: So really I guess it feels like impossible sometimes. I have so much fear and feel like God will hold me accountable for every word and my faithlessness.

 

[Sanoy]

A lot of the time I feel pressured to, because I see money and my brain is like I promise X to the Lord if I see it or touch it it makes me prone to these thoughts like if I'm grabbing money to eat, and I have to pray for God to release me from impulsive things like that.

We are all that way, when we want to do good evil is always there, and we will never succeed all of the time. It's the parts of us that try and desire that matter. If your heart wasn't in it you wouldn't be praying. God knows the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, but it's the willingness of the Spirit that is what matters.

 

[HereIStand]

I seek salvation because I'm alone and scared. I feel like I went too far and God is ready to throw me away but I don't want to burn. I don't love God as much as I should, and I don't know how much faith I have. I'm afraid to examine myself and find myself with an unbelieving heart. Like that verse, "Beware lest one of you has an unbelieving heart that turns away from the Lord."

I'm really sorry to hear that. I struggle with doubt too. In fact, back in the 90s, I convinced myself that I had committed the unpardonable sin. Talking with a Presbyterian pastor and a Pentecostal layman at work really helped. Perhaps there are people that you could reach out to in your area. I'm sure someone would gladly help.

 

[ml5363]

I'm so confused right now. I don't know what to think about God. I know I'm not universalist or annihilationist, Calvinist Armenian or Wesleyan. I fear though that some people can be hardened or cut off from salvation. I don't think I have the same love of God as when I was a kid. I am afraid my heart has been hardened so that I cannot be saved because of my apostasy and blasphemy and not trying hard enough to not sin. Not being sincere enough in seeking salvation.

Those with hardened heart, are one that refuse Him and tell Him to leave them alone

 

[DeerGlow]

I'm really sorry to hear that. I struggle with doubt too. In fact, back in the 90s, I convinced myself that I had committed the unpardonable sin. Talking with a Presbyterian pastor and a Pentecostal layman at work really helped. Perhaps there are people that you could reach out to in your area. I'm sure someone would gladly help.

I know nothing about presbyterians but Pentecostals and Charismatics kind of scare me. Not that I think they're evil or anything just Pentecostals and charismatics would set my blasphemous thoughts in overdrive mode.

I'm not sure if you're suggesting that but I just don't know. All the baptists say oh you're upset you're saved can you say Jesus is Lord? You're saved. They mean well but I feel like they don't understand my fears. They dismiss them too quickly.

 

[DeerGlow]

We are all that way, when we want to do good evil is always there, and we will never succeed all of the time. It's the parts of us that try and desire that matter. If your heart wasn't in it you wouldn't be praying. God knows the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, but it's the willingness of the Spirit that is what matters.

I just feel so insincere, like someone just looking for a get out of hell free card, not like I am some model saint seeking God out of pure love and reverence.

 

[DeerGlow]

Those with hardened heart, are one that refuse Him and tell Him to leave them alone

What about Esau seeking a place of repentance with tears and unable to find it? That is on my mind too.

 

[HawgWyld]

...All the baptists say oh you're upset you're saved can you say Jesus is Lord? You're saved. They mean well but I feel like they don't understand my fears. They dismiss them too quickly.

Perhaps they do dismiss them too quickly and that is unfortunate. I would hope some of my fellow Baptists (or any Christians, really) could admit that they, too, struggle and to do so is simply human. You are not alone in struggling with your faith and perhaps that is the message you need to hear.

 

[ml5363]

1. Do you believe we all are sinners, including yourself? Romans 3:23
2.Romans 6:23
Romans 5:8,9
Rom 10:9-10, 13

Take a look at these. Can you believe all of them? Thoughts on these?
Can pm me if you like

 

[ml5363]

What about Esau seeking a place of repentance with tears and unable to find it? That is on my mind too.

This scripture could be in reference to him seeking repentance for selling his birthright..and that he can no longer have..since had already sold it in genesis 27.. that is why he wept...not that he couldn't have repentance

On another note... I sometimes wonder why me, someone so slowly could be privy to salvation and a loving God. I don't deserve these things, I fail him . I can just strive daily to be the best I can be, to keep learning, and to keep living.

 

[DeerGlow]

This scripture could be in reference to him seeking repentance for selling his birthright..and that he can no longer have..since had already sold it in genesis 27.. that is why he wept...not that he couldn't have repentance

On another note... I sometimes wonder why me, someone so slowly could be privy to salvation and a loving God. I don't deserve these things, I fail him . I can just strive daily to be the best I can be, to keep learning, and to keep living.

I know I definitely don't deserve it.... but I just fear there's so much wrath. It's biblical, wrath I could never bear.

 

[ml5363]

I know I definitely don't deserve it.... but I just fear there's so much wrath. It's biblical, wrath I could never bear.

But the could news is that if we are saved, accepted Christ and his atonement...then His blood covers all of our sin, so that when God looks at us he doesn't see our sin because of the Son...

 

[DeerGlow]

But the could news is that if we are saved, accepted Christ and his atonement...then His blood covers all of our sin, so that when God looks at us he doesn't see our sin because of the Son...

My fear is not being saved though, and being unable to be saved.