Really need advice!!

[~PICKLE~]

I'm gonna give you my situation and I'm sorry if it's long~ I'm really not sure how long it's gonna be since I just since I just started. Just giving fair warning.

Things have been kind-of wild around here since my dad had surgery, oh and by the way thanks for the thought and the prayers. He is doing much better and he is home. Anyways, it has been wild, stress levels have been high and people getting on other people nerves, you know how it is when family gets together for a long period of time~LOL. AND plus my sister/best friend in the whole world shows up out of no where. MAn was she a relief. She gave me the rest I needed to keep going. Everything was so crazy, I wanted to run like crazy and leave everything even my kids. But I'm better now. At least I think.
Yesterday moening I take my huband to work then I come home to say by to Fudd, she headed out to Arizona. I didn't want her to go, I hadn't seen her in about a year and She did my family so much good. She's really oout spoken and she'll put you in your place quick, but not in a harsh tone. I'm gonna miss her, but nothing I said was gonna keep her around. After she left I was a little down, but that downness soon turned to worry and fear. My husband calls and asks me to bring him gaterade because he wasn't felling to good. So I load the kids and take him some. AS soon as I get there, My brother puts him in the car adn says to the hospital now. Mikey couldn't breathe, and he was sweatin uncontrolabley. He was crampin in every spot he had a muscle. I ran about 3 red lights and went to the ER as fast As I could. I signed him in as he was laying on the hospital floor in a fetal postion sweatin his bum off. He was screamin he was in so much pain. And you know what, they were gonna have him wait in the waiting room. Several people already waiting went and told the triage nurse they had to take my husband back, that he was dying. After 15 mins they rushed my husband back and you heard over the intercome we need nurses to 19 now. About 7 nurses came flyin in. They put IV"S in him and started testing his heart. This whole time Mikey is screaming to please don't let him die. HE couldn't hardly get his breathe and the cramps were getting worse. You could actually see the cramps when they balled up. They were worried cause they were right by his heart. The doc came in and looked him over and said he needed a CT scan cause she thinks he had a heat stroke. His right sid eof his face was drewping.(Sorry I can't spell) Well After him begging the nurses and the doctors and God not to let him die, He is ok. The CT scan showed no brain damage and they hydrated him over night. 10 IV bags!! They said if he would of waited he would be dead. That he had a heat stroke without the brain damage. And that he will never be able to with stand the heat like he use to again. And he needed to find a new job. Mikey installs Air conditioning and heating units.

I know if we tell my brother that he is done that he can't do this kind of work anymore that he's gonna be mad. And I think my husband knows this, he is already talking about going back to work. I don't want to go through this again, how can I put it to my brother that for the safety of Michael he doesn't need to go back to work for him. Also How do I make michael understand that he needs to think about his health and his family instead of my Brother's feelings. Sorry this was so long, I just need someone out of the family to give me the some ideas. I'm at a loss!!

 

[Jenna]

Why on earth would your brother be mad? Why would anyone be mad if someone wasn't physically able to do their job any more? Wow. That's just something. I thank the Lord that your husband is doing alright. I can't imagine how out of my head, crazy with fear I'd be if it were my Michael having a heat stroke. Goodness. I think heads would start rolling if anyone gave my husband any attitude over needing a different job, to be honest. And my husband? Well, I have restraints. If boys won't be good on their own.....

 

[~PICKLE~]

it's kind- of a werid situation. My brother hurt his back awhile back and the only person he can keep working for him is my husband. He can't keep no one because of the way he pays. And my husband only puts up with it cause he's family. HE'll be gone from home 40 hours but only get paid 20-25. he does not get paid for the time he gets in the truck to the time he gets home. Put it this way he's gone from the house 11-15 hours a day and only gets paid 6 or 7 hours pay. And most of the time lately he's been home before noon and only gotten 2 hours and he was at my brother's at 6:30. It's shady and we know it, but it's family. No one wants to work hard and get paid nothing. And since my brother is hurt and not suppose to working anyway, my husband does all the lifting and major stuff. Plus you have to know my brother, he's a fruitcake and his way of thinking is so messed up. My husband has quit him before and my brother refused to talk to me. (Sorry NiKi if your reading this, but it's true) Today he called the hospital to check on Michael and the first words out of his mouth, in a joking manner, but you can read between the lines is ..... You better hurry up and get better, Kelly which is his wife can't handle this kind of work. It was kind of like a hint hint situation. It peeved me off, But I held my temper. Let me put it another way, my brother was raised on and off by our real dad. ANd by my real dads ways, a man takes it like a man. they are not wimps. So even though my brothers back is killing him and may put him in a wheel chair he is gonna work til it does. PLus they have bills like everyone else so he and michael work there butts off to pay my brothers bills and truck payments, plus all the toys he has in his garage(4, 4 wheelers and 3 dirt bikes.) yeah, like I said it's not fair. And we get the bad end of the deal and can't pay our own bills. I'm really tired and frustrated right now, I wish it would all go away.

 

[Jenna]

Hmmmm...... in my "professional" opinion, (laughs) it is time that your brother began to hoe his own row. If he can't do the job that he has, then he needs to give up the business and move into something that he is capable of doing. There is no excuse for not being fair and paying a fair wage, regardless of whether someone is family or not. It's understandable that he has bills to pay, but not at the expense of anyone's healthy, or life for that. If your brother wants to gamble with his own health, then that is his own decision to make. However, that he would dare to punish y'all for having the fortitude to say 'no', then that doesn't speak well of him. Still, you can't let other people manipulate your lives. Family have the best leverage, and it's sad that some would use it. All I can say is that if it were me, I would chose my husband's life over my sibling's cruddy attitude any day. No matter what has/will happen between us, my husband is precious to me, and I'm sure that you feel the same way about yours. Just stand up with your husband and give him your support so he doesn't feel like he has to cave to try to make everyone happy. There's not going to be any happiness if he dies of a stroke or is crippled, not if it could have been avoided. Don't let folks strong-arm you, hun. Let it just be their own shortcoming that causes their growing pains. Don't let it destroy your husband in the process. *hugs*

 

[~PICKLE~]

Thanks Jenna, I've already told my husband I don't want him working for my brother anymore, That's his life is way more important than money or family BS. ANd what's funny is my brother is the only one that is like that. Anyways, It's all my husband, he's the one talking about going back out there, that's why I'm stressed. Our son is 4 and his daddy is his world. Yesterday he was almost was left fatherless, and I've been trying to make that point. Well, he's gonna rest this weekend and go see a heart specialist Monday, cause they were really consured because his heart rate was all over the place and muscles to close to his heart were cramping yesterday so I guess They want to make sure no major damage was done to his heart. Listen to me, talkin like I know what they were trying to say. actually they said he almost died and he had a heat stroke with brain damange, they pumped him full of fluid for 24 hours and then let him go. They really didn't explain why they want him to go to a heart specialist. I just guessing. So hopefully what happened will set in and he'll realize he can't worry about my brother's feelings on this one. He has a family to live for. Thanks Again Jenna.

 

[Jenna]

I sure do hope that everything is well with Michael. *hugs*

Guys can be so weird with their perceptions of duty, and sometimes forget that their actions can have terrible consequences. My Michael is always trying to convince me that he is fine doing _________, and that he is strong enough, fit enough, smart enough, etc. Most times I agree, but when it comes to his health, he seems to be blinded sometimes to the idea that he might not be as invincible as he would like to think. I don't know any man who is comfortable with the idea, knowing that there are things that they can no longer do, especially when it comes to supporting their families. Who wants to feel hamstrung? *shakes head*

I sure do pray that your husband finds that he has strength enough in every other area of his life, that he doesn't feel the need to prove himself. He's lucky to have you there, caring for him through this. Kudos, hun. God bless.

 

[Flipper]

Is there any way he can schedule his installations or repairs in the early morning or late afternoon when it isn't as hot? At least until Summer is over? After that, then him and his brother need to sit down and re-evaluate their priorities.

 

[~PICKLE~]

I wish he would quit all together. HE hates the job anyhow. The pay stinks and he has no benifits. So this hospital bill is on us. Plus in the summer those attics are like 150 degrees, that night or day, cause it's inclosed and has no air coming in them. If you have a house take a meat themontor(SP?) and take it up in the sttic and see. It is hot. I know it's something I could never do, and I'm healthy. We've been talking and he says that if he does go back to work that if he starts feeling bad he's gonna tell my brother that he can't do it no more. I wish he's just say it now, but he is a man and that don't like to listen to reason.

 

[Flipper]

Make sure he keeps lots of water with him at all times then.

 

[katelyn]

Maybe you could encourage him to start thinking what kind of different job he would like, and maybe even looking around at what opportunities would be available for him. Change can be hard, even when you know you need it, so maybe if he got thinking positively and had some real ideas about moving on from this job, it would help him to let the old job go.

 

[desi]

Maybe you could encourage him to start thinking what kind of different job he would like, and maybe even looking around at what opportunities would be available for him. Change can be hard, even when you know you need it, so maybe if he got thinking positively and had some real ideas about moving on from this job, it would help him to let the old job go.

This is what I'm thinking too.

 

[~PICKLE~]

We've been talking and what it amounts to is he feels bad that my brother has no one elseand that he is hurt on top of that. So instead of being worried about himself he is worried about my brother. I know he's got a good heart but sometimes I think he has a screw dangling somewhere in his brain. He almost dies Weds and he is thinking about going to work Monday and putting off seeing a heart doctor. Sometimes I just want to strangle him and make him see the light **Giggles** He make me so mad. But it doesn't help that we went to pick up a check yesterday and my brother in a joking manner tried to lay a guilt trip on Mikey. "I had to lift that air handler all by myself yesterday, Kellie couldn't do it, she was crying she was so hot." Well Duh, isn't that a clue that none of ya should be doing it. I had to walk away before I socked my brother a good one. I just can't understand why someone would be more concerned about making money than someone's health. MY husband can't even walk outside without burning up. His skin is so hot, and it wasn't even that hot here yesterday, not as hot as it can be. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, I don't know what to do, he's a man and he is stubborn. I'm so afraid that he's gonna go back to work and he's gonna be in an attic and get to hot and fall out and no one will be there at that moment to help him and My kids will be without a dad. I know i shouldn't think that way, but how can I not, I spent 5 hours in the ER watchin this grown man beg for them not to let him die. And then when everything settled down they move him upstairs and run test after test for another 20 hours to make sure he was ok. Wouldn't that be a wake up call? It would be for me.

 

[~PICKLE~]

Sorry, i'm just frustrated!!

 

[selune]

Keep praying and remind him that he needs to be as (or more) concerned about your babies and you being taken care of as he is of your brother's business. Maybe take your brother aside and tell him to lay off the guilt trips. Is he (your brother) in any position to take care of you and your little ones if he causes your husband to be permanently disabled? Give him a bit of his own guilt tripping. I hope things get better.

 

[~PICKLE~]

I'm still trying to get through his thick skull that working in the heat isn't a good idea, I guess I need to give up. I'm being called controlling. **Go Figure**

 

[desi]

Let him do what he has to and be there when he needs you. You can't stop him from being stupid, try as you may.