Really Funny Clean Jokes

[angelsword]

An elderly husband and wife noticed they were beginning to forget little things around the house. They were afraid that this could be dangerous so they decided to go see a doctor to get some help.

Their doctor told them that many people their age find it useful to write themselves little notes as reminders. This seemed like an excellent idea.

When they got home, the wife said, "Honey, will you please go to the kitchen and get me a dish of ice cream? Why don't you write that down so you won't forget?"

"Nonsense," said the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream!"

"I'd also like some strawberries on it. You better write that down, because I know you'll forget."

"Don't be silly," replied the husband. "A dish of ice cream and some strawberries. I can remember that!"

"OK, dear, but I'd like you to put some whipped cream on top. Now you'd really better write it down now. You'll forget," said the wife.

"No problem, ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream."

With that, the husband shut the kitchen door behind him. The wife could hear him getting out pots and pans and making lots of noise. He emerged from the kitchen about 15 minutes later.

Walking over to his wife, he presented her with a plate of bacon and eggs. The wife took one look at the plate, glanced up at her husband and said, "Where's the toast?"

LOL,LOL< :biggrin:

 

[angelsword]

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there under the shade tree?"
"I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him." So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "why are we digging in the hot sun and you are standing in the shade?"
"intelligence," the boss said.
"What do you mean, 'intelligence'?"
The boss said," well, i'll show you. I'll put my fist on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditchdigger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditchdigger hit the tree. The boss said, "thats intelligence!"
The ditchdigger went back to his hole. His friend asked," what did he say?"
"He said we are down here because of intelligence."
"What's intelligence?" asked the friend.
The ditchdigger put his hand on his face and said, "take your shovel and hit my hand."

I if I had people like that working for me for two long, I might fire them before they killed themselves (or someone else) LOL,LOL,LOL

 

[jehovahjireh2007]

Miscellaneous

Baroque (adj.): When you are out of Monet.That is sooo wrong!

Dear Jesus,
Please help Mommy and Daddy. Take care of Brother and Me. And please God, take care of yourself cause if anything happens to you we are in big trouble. Amen Amen!

Toilet stolen from police station. Cops have nothing to go on That's another one that is just wrong!

How do "Do not walk on the grass" signs get there? Very true!

These are so funny though!

 

[musicalmeg20]

lol