Reaching a wall. Help!

[Jaems]

New member here. Lifelong questioning Christian, saved 4 months ago. I'm still new to this. My big problem right now is not showing faith in the face of adversity, it is for loving and praying for my persecutors. I am surrounded by doubters and mockers. My wife ridicules my faith and calls question to it. I have no support from anyone except books which is fine for now but am stumbling a bit. In the beginning of my salvation, I wanted everyone to be saved and cried for my closest family. Now I have developed this horrible thing that doesn't seem to take any responsibility or even care if they are saved. I am seeing new sides of my psyche that I don't like. For example, I know my wife is lost and I know that she deserves to be saved but I can't encourage the path she's on because that encourages destruction. However, in my darkest moments - I don't even want her to be saved. I realize this is pride gone wrong but I'm not sure of the best way to rid myself of it. Any advice would be appreciated.

 

[Albion]

Hello, Jaems...and welcome. My advice is probably going to be different from that given by other readers, but what you have told us is what we often hear from newly-saved people. That means that we understand what you are experiencing AFTER coming to Faith and then having to face the rest of life's experiences.

My advice is to move slowly. The tendency is to try to live up to expectations and the goals you set for yourself-- immediately. Then the new believer becomes frustrated or worse.

Your new enthusiasm hasn't moved those around you, etc. Not yet. This is not unusual. From what I read in your message to us, I think that you are aware of much of this but you are still chafing somewhat under not making the progress you want, both in your own walk with the Lord and with the others around you.

Give it a little time; let the change wash over you. It remakes you gradually. Reflection and "settling in" are important. And you know what? Many people are brought to Christ through observing the calm, steady, sincere, and privately confident manner of the Christian in their midst!

 

[Jaems]

Thank you very much for that answer as that is exactly what I needed. I am trying to solve all my problems at once so I am digging deep and proposing scenarios that I don't know about. "How would I feel if my wife came to Christ" "Could I be happy if she were truly happy?" "Why doesn't it bother me enough that my father might not be in heaven" "How do I teach my kids when I'm not allowed to?" To be honest it's overwhelming. I have so much calm, peace, motivation and love and it's all I ever want. I just struggle with patience and a lot of pride and competition. But I will remember to take it slowly and one issue at a time as it comes up. Thanks again.

 

[Kolleen]

Hi Jaems,

I agree with Aibion! Please note that things can’t be fixed in a click, It will take some time and effort! I believe you can do it ! With regards to being surrounded by doubters and mockers, I suggest surrounding yourself with Christians as they have give you Godly advices and support to you. Furthermore in terms of your wife, all you can do is pray to God how you feel and leave this concern in His hands to tackle this. I’m sure if she can see a huge positive change in you, she will also change her perspective and join you. I hope everything will be resolve soon, God bless you.

 

[Jaems]

Thanks, Kolleen. It saddens me because she will need to crash and burn before coming to Christ I think. There is so much resistance built up and it's getting worse. But that's for another thread! As for supportive Christians, I actually don't know any yet! It's ironic because I work with priests and so I'm sure there are some but I have a hard time bringing it up with people. It's all I really want to talk about but thank God for the internet.

 

[Albion]

Thanks, Kolleen. It saddens me because she will need to crash and burn before coming to Christ I think. There is so much resistance built up and it's getting worse.

We understand. But on the other hand, constantly being after her about it won't work better than letting her just witness in you what a Christian is like. And as both Kolleen and I said, it takes a little time.

As for supportive Christians, I actually don't know any yet! It's ironic because I work with priests and so I'm sure there are some but I have a hard time bringing it up with people. It's all I really want to talk about but thank God for the internet.

Yes. That's the way it may look, but all churches of any size have their youth or men's groups and other voluntary and charitable activities. Keep your eyes and ears open, read the church bulletins, and I'd be surprised if you don't find an opening pretty soon.

If, however, nothing looks appropriate, consider taking the problem to one of the priests who may have some Christian organization in mind that does community work and is not purely a project of your own parish...or who knows what he can suggest.

Meanwhile, there is plenty you could do in terms of building your personal prayer and worship life with regular attendance, Bible study groups, choirs, and so forth.

Finally, you need to realize that bringing her to faith may not be dependent upon anything you try to do. The Lord can do it, or maybe it won't happen at all.

But we hope to get across the fact that whatever the outcome ultimately is, your chances are better if you don't get frantic or pushy about it; and also that if you give some of what we've suggested a try, your own walk with the Lord will be better at least.

 

[Jaems]

That's excellent advice, thanks again. I am a professional church musician and, as you mentioned, choir will be one of my activities from August. I will look for some volunteer work as well as I think that might ground me in some way.

 

[Kolleen]

Well, I hope she doesn't have to go through crash and burn before coming to Christ. It will be very painful . Make sure you be there for her during this time though.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

New member here. Lifelong questioning Christian, saved 4 months ago. I'm still new to this. My big problem right now is not showing faith in the face of adversity, it is for loving and praying for my persecutors. I am surrounded by doubters and mockers. My wife ridicules my faith and calls question to it. I have no support from anyone except books which is fine for now but am stumbling a bit. In the beginning of my salvation, I wanted everyone to be saved and cried for my closest family. Now I have developed this horrible thing that doesn't seem to take any responsibility or even care if they are saved. I am seeing new sides of my psyche that I don't like. For example, I know my wife is lost and I know that she deserves to be saved but I can't encourage the path she's on because that encourages destruction. However, in my darkest moments - I don't even want her to be saved. I realize this is pride gone wrong but I'm not sure of the best way to rid myself of it. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello Jaems,

During the time I was seeking the truth of the God of my grandfather, I was listening to Staind music. It would relate to the pain I was in, and the lyrics spoke to me. After my savation it spoke to me in a different way as a child in Christ.

"I only know that I can change
Everything else just stays the same"
-Fade by Staind

I wanted to my friends, the ones I grew up with most of my life, to experience what I had found. More I tried, the more they pushed back. It's funny, when I stopped trying. The Lord gave me opportunities to talk with them.

Even my parents who were Christian at the time mocked me when I was humbling myself and confessing I had a long standing problem with porn in my life. Thankfully I didn't do it for them nor their approval, I did it for myself.

What I am getting at is when you receive your salvation, it is between you and the Lord. As a baby christian we will try and make many mistakes. Many of those mistakes will make us hurt and it can cause us to closed off from people due to it. Honestly I think that is all normal and part of our walk. Thankfully our God does not abandon us, nor forsake us. By His grace and mercy he will soften our hearts and break us down, so we don't let that hurt hold us down from His calling in our lives.

I do not blame you for how you feel. The Lord God gave us emotions, and even though we have reconciled with the God Almighty. It doesn't mean our broken humanity doesn't still exist within us. We are flawed and broken creatures, that won't change till we leave the corrupt existance into Glory! What makes us different is that we are now adopted children of God, and Jesus is our teacher. He teaches us how to live and grow. Even in dark seasons of the soul, when we become faithless he doesn't give up on us. This is all part of the walk to becoming a mature Christian, and becoming like Christ.

Brother, please surround yourself with what is uplifting to your soul as you go thru this time. When your wife pushes you, go for a walk and get alone with the Lord. Find true brothers and sisters in Christ where the Lord opens the door to, get the encouragement and fellowship you need. Let God deal with the rest, as he so did with you.