rape...

[babykate5]

It was 2 years ago...I was with a guy I thought was in love with me...Sometimes I Look back and ask of it was really rape...or if I was just overexagerating...I have been so out of it since then...I am with a guy now...and the thing I cant get over is that I am not a virgin anymore...he is...I feel dirty around him...I am always ashamed of myself...I kinda feel like it was my fault...I don't know what to do now...I have been getting along ok...my mom knows...she says she would get me a councler If I wanted one...I just want to get it out...Its eating away at me...

 

[Jo1]

bless you babykate im praying for you.. lots of love and hugs
love Jo

 

[goldenviolet]

seeing a counselor would be a very good choice. having a professional, exsperianced in these types of situations, especially a christian counselor, would more than likely bless you. it's good you told your mom. sometimes healling begins with the pain of the exsperiance. sex does give all of us a shame feeling, when it's not in marriage. when it's pressured or forced, then other serious feelings attack us. so, you are not alone hun. let your mom help you through it. keep reaching out to others. - love dee

 

[shazabella]

Hey Babykate,

I went through a similiar experience when i was 17 and again last yr - if you would like to talk, please PM me

- Shaz

 

[Johnnz]

Those are pretty normal consequences of rape. Take up your mother's offer. A good counsellor can be really helpful.

John
NZ

 

[babykate5]

I understand that the first time wasn't my fault. but there was more that went on...I was so scared of him...and he asked me to keep having sex with him he was so much bigger than me...I was terrified. I couldnt answer him. I knew I should have ran away told someone...but I was so scared...so I gave up, and I just let him have his way...that i will never be able to forgive myself for. When he raped me...the very first time I had sex...he didnt use anything and I had a late period....and I was actually happy! I had wanted a baby...I know its stupid and I know its not the right time but Then It turned out I wasnt PG. It stirred all my maternal feelings up. He kept having his way with me till I just decided that it was enough and I broke it off. he moved away...and then he came back. I go to school with him...and its hard...I am just trying to hold on...to keep going its so tempting to just give up...I would like a pen pal..if anyones interested...I posted a thing on the pen pal section but I just thought id say it here too...thanks agian...I am so very thankful...

 

[Johnnz]

Don't blame yourself for continuing to have sex. When power is an issue in sexual abuse that is very common.

Nor are you in any way 'bad' for wanting a baby, or even more sex. Those are natural desires that God implants within us. Just don't allow desires to push you beyond what God wants sex to be in a proper relationship.

John
NZ

 

[babykate5]

I didnt want the sex....i was too scared to say no

 

[AWorkInProgress]

I didnt want the sex....i was too scared to say no

Sorry just read that your mom knows. I am little dumb founded, he is in the same school with you now. Did she make the school aware that he is to keep away from you?

I don't want to scare you, PLEASE make sure your parents including your father know and take full procautions. Including making request with school officals. You are still vulernible.

I will pray for you Kate.

 

[BigToe]

Being too scared to say no doesn't mean you wanted it or that it wasn't sexual assault. You were violated, repeatedly and that hurts. Please find someone you feel comfortable talking to about it- be it your mother or a counselor or a friend. Telling them what happened, and how you feel now, and what makes you upset over it, it helps to let it out and not bottled up inside you.

My PM box is always open if you need someone to chat with. I'm sorry you've had to go through that.

 

[lavenderskies]

I advise you to see the counselor your mother offered. That will help you so much! There is a wonderful book titled How Long Does it hurt, you may find it helpful also. You need to see a doctor also. You can also make the school aware so you are protected there also.

You did not ask for this, you did not do anything wrong, and you are not at fault. God Loves You!!!

 

[pennsyginny]

You were not to blame for the rape, for the enforced sexual acts.
I am sure you know that rape is not about sex. It is about control. This man has been controlling you.
I have spent years trying to forgive myself for my rape. I struggle and struggle with it but I know I was not to blame.
Please forgive yourself if you feel you need to.