Random- What to do about the parents?

[soulsearching1]

Be warned, I may have several of these- random questions, I mean! This question would probably be better answered by Christians who weren't necessarily raised Christian, but if you can offer insight regardless, feel free!

I'm slowly on the path to becoming a Christian, although the past few days, there have been some leaps and bounds. But I'm still struggling with a few thoughts. One of them is the concern of my parents and my sister. Although they believe in God (at least my mom does, and I think my dad might), they are not "saved", which according to Christian doctrine, they're going straight to hell. And I can't reconcile that idea. My parents and sister, never mind my friends who are non-believers, are good people, and I would never wish that on them.

At the same time, I could never pressure them to "believe and repent" because they're my family and although I care about them, I respect their own decisions, ya know? Plus, if/when I am saved, how do I tell them? I know my parents would respect my decision, but I also feel like they might question my motives and not take me seriously. Has anyone had a similar situation? Anyone here who is Christian but loved ones are not? How did you break it to them, and how do you deal with the fact that you can't be with them in Heaven when the time comes?

Growing up, I believed in Heaven, but to me, Heaven and Hell was a broad spectrum- not so black and white. Basically, if you were a good person, your heaven would be filled with the people you love and it would be a nice place. Depending on how "bad" you were, the quality would diminish in scale. So I'm not sure how to get past the whole "fire and brimstone" vs God's kingdom.

 

[seajoy]

Be warned, I may have several of these- random questions, I mean! This question would probably be better answered by Christians who weren't necessarily raised Christian, but if you can offer insight regardless, feel free!

I'm slowly on the path to becoming a Christian, although the past few days, there have been some leaps and bounds. But I'm still struggling with a few thoughts. One of them is the concern of my parents and my sister. Although they believe in God (at least my mom does, and I think my dad might), they are not "saved", which according to Christian doctrine, they're going straight to hell. And I can't reconcile that idea. My parents and sister, never mind my friends who are non-believers, are good people, and I would never wish that on them.

At the same time, I could never pressure them to "believe and repent" because they're my family and although I care about them, I respect their own decisions, ya know? Plus, if/when I am saved, how do I tell them? I know my parents would respect my decision, but I also feel like they might question my motives and not take me seriously. Has anyone had a similar situation? Anyone here who is Christian but loved ones are not? How did you break it to them, and how do you deal with the fact that you can't be with them in Heaven when the time comes?

Growing up, I believed in Heaven, but to me, Heaven and Hell was a broad spectrum- not so black and white. Basically, if you were a good person, your heaven would be filled with the people you love and it would be a nice place. Depending on how "bad" you were, the quality would diminish in scale. So I'm not sure how to get past the whole "fire and brimstone" vs God's kingdom.

Do you mean your parents believe in a god, or that they believe in Jesus? If they believe in Jesus as their only way to salvation, then they are saved. If that is not the case, why wouldn't you want to tell them the Good News of Christ?

I guess it is their decision to go to hell if they reject Christ...but wouldn't you want to do all you could to try and stop that? (I'm not really one to talk...as I could certainly talk to my un-churched family more than I do!)

You say your family and friends are good people. Please remember the verse "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." We wouldn't need Jesus if we could get to heaven with our good works.

I'm glad you are asking questions. It's good to see posters who are really looking for answers.

May God give you peace as you seek His Word. Pray for your family...there is much power in prayer. Also, as you grow in your faith, your family will see a change in you, and may ask some questions themselves.

I pray that God gives you strength in these matters.

seajoy

 

[soulsearching1]

Do you mean your parents believe in a god, or that they believe in Jesus? If they believe in Jesus as their only way to salvation, then they are saved. If that is not the case, why wouldn't you want to tell them the Good News of Christ?

I guess it is their decision to go to hell if they reject Christ...but wouldn't you want to do all you could to try and stop that? (I'm not really one to talk...as I could certainly talk to my un-churched family more than I do!)

You say your family and friends are good people. Please remember the verse "All have sinned and come short of the glory of God." We wouldn't need Jesus if we could get to heaven with our good works.

I'm glad you are asking questions. It's good to see posters who are really looking for answers.

May God give you peace as you seek His Word. Pray for your family...there is much power in prayer. Also, as you grow in your faith, your family will see a change in you, and may ask some questions themselves.

I pray that God gives you strength in these matters.

seajoy

My mom and my Dad were raised to believe in the Christian God and Jesus. Mom still believes in God, but is skeptical about Jesus. Not sure about Dad- I think he probably believes in God cuz he's kind of a traditional guy. My sister- I have no idea. She was raised as I was- without church, and so she very well may not believe in anything.

I know that we're all sinners and that no one is "good". I guess I just meant that I don't want to feel like my family deserves to go to Hell for not believing, ya know? And the thing is, my family is sort of hostile to people trying to "convert" them, which is one of the reasons why we didn't grow up with religion. That was one of the aspects that my parents were turned off by- people trying to push their beliefs on others. And I wouldn't want to be like that to them.

 

[seajoy]

My mom and my Dad were raised to believe in the Christian God and Jesus. Mom still believes in God, but is skeptical about Jesus. Not sure about Dad- I think he probably believes in God cuz he's kind of a traditional guy. My sister- I have no idea. She was raised as I was- without church, and so she very well may not believe in anything.

I know that we're all sinners and that no one is "good". I guess I just meant that I don't want to feel like my family deserves to go to Hell for not believing, ya know? And the thing is, my family is sort of hostile to people trying to "convert" them, which is one of the reasons why we didn't grow up with religion. That was one of the aspects that my parents were turned off by- people trying to push their beliefs on others. And I wouldn't want to be like that to them.

Ok, now I'm understanding. Your family is turned off by "bible thumper" types, and you are a bit nervous about saying the wrong thing. You sound totally normal to me ! That would bother me too!

You don't need to shove anything down their throats. Just look for little opportunities to discuss Jesus. Ask for the Holy Spirit's guidance in that. You are not in it alone when you are a christian. Christ is there to help you at every turn. He wants your family to be saved also!

As for your other statement, here is what I've learned through the bible...We all deserve hell, not a one of us deserves more than that. God hates sin...but fortunately, loves the sinner. All that love came down from heaven...was born, lived, died, and rose again...for me, for you, for your family, for everyone. Don't give up on your family, the Lord may be working on them already. He may use you, or someone else to reach them. Just pray for them.

You seem like such an honorable son. Your parents (and sister) are fortunate to have you.

seajoy

 

[soulsearching1]

Actually, I'm female But thank you for thinking I'm honorable!

 

[seajoy]

Actually, I'm female But thank you for thinking I'm honorable!

Sorry...Never assume anything, right! You are an honorable daughter! doh: me, I forgot to check for little pink girl by your age)

silly seajoy

 

[LilLamb219]

Seajoy wrote what I was going to say

God might be working in your family to bring them to faith, we don't know, but we can pray.

You don't have to make some big announcement that you're now a Christian to them. Really, you don't.

Just please don't act like some new Christians who have that better than thou attitude or look down upon your family for not being Christian. No one is a Christian because of anything they do, it's because of our triune God So, no one can brag.

Even though you don't have to announce to them that you're a Christian, you could always just let them know you're going to church and maybe even invite them to tag along to visit.

 

[soulsearching1]

Seajoy wrote what I was going to say

God might be working in your family to bring them to faith, we don't know, but we can pray.

You don't have to make some big announcement that you're now a Christian to them. Really, you don't.

Just please don't act like some new Christians who have that better than thou attitude or look down upon your family for not being Christian. No one is a Christian because of anything they do, it's because of our triune God So, no one can brag.

Even though you don't have to announce to them that you're a Christian, you could always just let them know you're going to church and maybe even invite them to tag along to visit.

Oh of course, I would never brag about it. My grandmother was the reason why we turned away from Catholicism in the first place- she thought because she was saved, that she was somehow better than the rest of us, when often times, she did not live in a god-honoring way at all. I never want to be like that.

I just feel like it's something I'd want to share with them at some point, but am tentative to do so, for fear of their reaction. Especially since I don't see my parents much now that I'm grown up and I live 7 hours away- and that's not the kind of thing I'd want to spring on them at Thanksgiving, ya know? They love my boyfriend, who is Christian and totally respect his beliefs, but I don't know if it might be different for them when it's their own daughter. I just don't want to feel like I'm keeping it a secret.

Sigh...this is tough! But so great...I feel like I've made SO much progress in the past couple days, so I'm starting to doubt cuz I kinda feel like it shouldn't be *this* quick, ya know. But I guess the reality is, I've been thinking about it for a long time, even longer than I initially realized.

 

[LilLamb219]

I feel like I've made SO much progress in the past couple days, so I'm starting to doubt cuz I kinda feel like it shouldn't be *this* quick, ya know.

God's timing is different than ours

You could always drop some hints when speaking with your parents without actually coming out and telling them. For instance you could let them know that there is a church function coming up that you're excited about or that you read something interesting in the church bulletin recently or that you're really interested in getting a new bible and you were thinking of adding it to your Christmas wish list

 

[FallingWaters]

I just feel like it's something I'd want to share with them at some point, but am tentative to do so, for fear of their reaction. Especially since I don't see my parents much now that I'm grown up and I live 7 hours away- and that's not the kind of thing I'd want to spring on them at Thanksgiving, ya know? They love my boyfriend, who is Christian and totally respect his beliefs, but I don't know if it might be different for them when it's their own daughter. I just don't want to feel like I'm keeping it a secret.

Don't wait until Thanksgiving. Spring it on them ahead of time, so they have time to cool down. I'm not sure which was worse, when I announced I left the Catholic church, or when I left the Democratic Party! LOL!

Pray for their salvation, and perhaps they will ask you questions that you can answer humbly and meekly. God will give you the words to say. Just love them. Even Jesus had a hard time among those who "knew" Him.

Matthew 13:57 So they were offended at Him. But Jesus said to them, “A prophet is not without honor except in his own country and in his own house.” 58 Now He did not do many mighty works there because of their unbelief.

 

[Stinker]

You may not have to approach them about your faith. Within a short period of time, they may approach you...if you have not backed down in your Christian principles when they have tested you. Then, that is the most powerful time for you to share with them.

I know, because I was not raised with any religious instruction. In fact, my brother and I were raised to believe that all Christians were hypocrites. After I came to belief, God used me to reach my brother.....who is now an Evangelist.

 

[FallingWaters]

I know, because I was not raised with any religious instruction. In fact, my brother and I were raised to believe that all Christians were hypocrites. After I came to belief, God used me to reach my brother.....who is now an Evangelist.

Wow! That is very cool!

 

[Key]

Welcome to CF Soulsearching1

To deal with your posts.

Be warned, I may have several of these- random questions, I mean! This question would probably be better answered by Christians who weren't necessarily raised Christian, but if you can offer insight regardless, feel free!

I'm slowly on the path to becoming a Christian, although the past few days, there have been some leaps and bounds. But I'm still struggling with a few thoughts. One of them is the concern of my parents and my sister. Although they believe in God (at least my mom does, and I think my dad might), they are not "saved", which according to Christian doctrine, they're going straight to hell. And I can't reconcile that idea. My parents and sister, never mind my friends who are non-believers, are good people, and I would never wish that on them.

At the same time, I could never pressure them to "believe and repent" because they're my family and although I care about them, I respect their own decisions, ya know? Plus, if/when I am saved, how do I tell them? I know my parents would respect my decision, but I also feel like they might question my motives and not take me seriously. Has anyone had a similar situation? Anyone here who is Christian but loved ones are not? How did you break it to them, and how do you deal with the fact that you can't be with them in Heaven when the time comes?

Growing up, I believed in Heaven, but to me, Heaven and Hell was a broad spectrum- not so black and white. Basically, if you were a good person, your heaven would be filled with the people you love and it would be a nice place. Depending on how "bad" you were, the quality would diminish in scale. So I'm not sure how to get past the whole "fire and brimstone" vs God's kingdom.

I am with you on this. I have the same problems, however.

This is how I deal with it.
I know God is a Just God.

However I know, if the opportunity and chance present themselves, I will talk about God and Salvation, to those that wish to listen.

I try very hard not to, preach to the Choir, or to Stone Walls.

It is not my place to “Force” or “Cohort” a conversion, I will simply spread the message, those that have ears, let them hear..

If they refuse Christ, or Salvation, So be it. God in his justice will handle this.

God Bless

Key

 

[LJSGM]

Matthew 10
"Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. 33But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven.

34"Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword. 35For I have come to turn
" 'a man against his father,
a daughter against her mother,
a daughter-in-law against her motherinlaw—
36a man's enemies will be the members of his own household.'[e] 37"Anyone who loves his father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves his son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me; 38and anyone who does not take his cross and follow me is not worthy of me. 39Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 10
21"Brother will betray brother to death, and a father his child; children will rebel against their parents and have them put to death. 22All men will hate you because of me, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved.

Here are some verses to think about... Jesus says that there will be problems when you come to Christ, and that the Christian life will not be nessesarily one of comfort and without troubles. But the others on this thread have posted some good advise. I pray that God will give you an uncompromising faith I also pray for your family. My siblings are also unsaved. And I know how you feel.

 

[DonVA]

Growing up, I believed in Heaven, but to me, Heaven and Hell was a broad spectrum- not so black and white. Basically, if you were a good person, your heaven would be filled with the people you love and it would be a nice place. Depending on how "bad" you were, the quality would diminish in scale. So I'm not sure how to get past the whole "fire and brimstone" vs God's kingdom.

I caught up with a program on www.ancientfaithradio.com where the woman had a beautiful description on how Heaven and Hell would be different. I wish I knew who was speaking at the time so I could properly credit her. She suggests that once we die, if we are Christians, God's light will appear to us to be a brilliant and beautiful source of love, one that you feel blessed to be in the presence of, and long to be even closer to.

For the non-believer, that very same light would appear to be scorching hot, difficult to withstand, and more painful than anything we could imagine. Pure torture. And who, given the view from THAT angle, couldn't help but re-live all of the choices of his mortal life that led him to this eternal torment?

I liked her analogy, as it gives us an opportunity to think about the choices we're making today and how they can affect the way in which we will finally receive The Light. In the end we get the eternity that we chose while here on earth.

As for your parents and your family, maybe you should investigate further into what they actually believe. It's quite possible that they are somewhere along the same journey you have begun.

You can always pray for them.

 

[Jim47]

Be warned, I may have several of these- random questions, I mean! This question would probably be better answered by Christians who weren't necessarily raised Christian, but if you can offer insight regardless, feel free!

I'm slowly on the path to becoming a Christian, although the past few days, there have been some leaps and bounds. But I'm still struggling with a few thoughts. One of them is the concern of my parents and my sister. Although they believe in God (at least my mom does, and I think my dad might), they are not "saved", which according to Christian doctrine, they're going straight to hell. And I can't reconcile that idea. My parents and sister, never mind my friends who are non-believers, are good people, and I would never wish that on them.

At the same time, I could never pressure them to "believe and repent" because they're my family and although I care about them, I respect their own decisions, ya know? Plus, if/when I am saved, how do I tell them? I know my parents would respect my decision, but I also feel like they might question my motives and not take me seriously. Has anyone had a similar situation? Anyone here who is Christian but loved ones are not? How did you break it to them, and how do you deal with the fact that you can't be with them in Heaven when the time comes?

Growing up, I believed in Heaven, but to me, Heaven and Hell was a broad spectrum- not so black and white. Basically, if you were a good person, your heaven would be filled with the people you love and it would be a nice place. Depending on how "bad" you were, the quality would diminish in scale. So I'm not sure how to get past the whole "fire and brimstone" vs God's kingdom.

First, never feel bad about asking questions. There is nothing more that a Christian loves to do then help someone else.

We have a wonderful Lord and God who showered us with love and it is only natural for us to want to share that love and joy with others.

Now to answer your question, which I see you have already gotten some good advice. I too am in your shoes for my very own Mother and Brother are outside of grace because they have abandoned their faith in Jesus. What you can do is pray for them, and pray that God may give you guidance to help you to witness to them. As you are already aware this is hard to do. Satan makes sure of that, but we have God to help us, and He can overcome all of Satan's schemes.

One of the best ways for you to bring them to Jesus is to share with them the joy you have in having found your Savior. If you continue in that it is very likely that they too will be affected. You can also share key passages with them like the ones that I posted in your other thread.

What you need to know is this: It is not us who brings unbelievers to repentance and faith. Only The Holy Spirit alone can do that. All we can do is witness and share that love and joy that we have.

I'm going to give you a web site which has an excellant question and answer forum. If you click on open all (may already be opened?) you will see a broad variety of questions with answers provided by Pastors. I too am willing to help you in any way that I can.

God's Blessings

http://www.wels.net/cgi-bin/site.pl?1517&cuQA_qaID=1

 

[harmmony]

Be warned, I may have several of these- random questions, I mean! This question would probably be better answered by Christians who weren't necessarily raised Christian, but if you can offer insight regardless, feel free!

I'm slowly on the path to becoming a Christian, although the past few days, there have been some leaps and bounds. But I'm still struggling with a few thoughts. One of them is the concern of my parents and my sister. Although they believe in God (at least my mom does, and I think my dad might), they are not "saved", which according to Christian doctrine, they're going straight to hell. And I can't reconcile that idea. My parents and sister, never mind my friends who are non-believers, are good people, and I would never wish that on them.

At the same time, I could never pressure them to "believe and repent" because they're my family and although I care about them, I respect their own decisions, ya know? Plus, if/when I am saved, how do I tell them? I know my parents would respect my decision, but I also feel like they might question my motives and not take me seriously. Has anyone had a similar situation? Anyone here who is Christian but loved ones are not? How did you break it to them, and how do you deal with the fact that you can't be with them in Heaven when the time comes?

Growing up, I believed in Heaven, but to me, Heaven and Hell was a broad spectrum- not so black and white. Basically, if you were a good person, your heaven would be filled with the people you love and it would be a nice place. Depending on how "bad" you were, the quality would diminish in scale. So I'm not sure how to get past the whole "fire and brimstone" vs God's kingdom.

From My experience there is one thing alone that can really persuade your loved ones - who have not yet found Christ, to at least consider Christ - is you. Salvation and then relationship with Christ, and your choice to strive towards being as Christlike as possible will produce fruits in your life that nobody who knows you can deny.

Believe me when I say that they will notice your actions and behaviours much more than your words. They will find themselves asking about the amazing change that is taking place is your life and then the door is opened for you to tell them about Christ and the changes He has helped you make. Not only changes, but the way you live, perhaps you will give up bad habits, but mainly it will be because love is now becoming the driving factor in your life and fruits of that kind of change cannot be denied.

Then you have you opportunity to proclaim Christ to all your friends and family with undeniable proof of who God is - who can argue against the reality of your transformation. Basically I say just be the best witness you can be to them and it will definitely lead to them asking questions, which wiill open doors for you to tell them about Jesus.

This way you are not ramming God down their throat, you are being Christ before them, so to speak. And their natural curiosity will take them the rest of the way to you, and prayerfully from there to salvation.

God Bless

 

[pdudgeon]

harmmony is right. it will be how you live out your Christianity that will be either attractive or repulsive to your family. You've seen that already with your grandmother, but if you show them love and tell them what it means to you to be a Christian, that will make the difference.

if you go home for Thanksgiving, ask if you can say a blessing for the meal. That's what Thanksgiving is all about--taking time out from everyday life to thank God for what He has blessed us with. In the prayer you could also thank your parents and family for what they have provided for you, which should help to smooth things a bit.

during the meal you could mention things your church was doing to help others, if you've participated in that, and how it made you feel.

One thing to remember--people will always bring disputes and questions about religion, but they can never take away your testimony because it is uniquely yours.

We aren't responsible for how people receive the gospel, but we are responsible for offering it to them.

 

[heron]

You know your family and how they think. You know what they'll overreact to. Make sure that you don't become the same competitive force in their lives that your grandmother was.

Respect them for what they already know --which is probably quite a bit. God knows what's in their hearts, and He's the one who makes the final decisions.

Instead of fearing they are not saved, treat them as accountable for what they already believe. Encourage them in the little faith that they have. Build them up.

Remember that prayer is effective --probably your most powerful tool.

There was an interesting thread here once on eternal life and Hell. Most of scriptures talk about eternal life for believers, and not for unbelievers... which could possibly mean that there is a second (soul) death for those condemned, and they are not burning forever and ever, but once. Then they'd stop existing.

John 3:16
For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begottenSon, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

Rev 2:11
Rev 20:6

Rev 21:8
But for the ...abominable ...their part will be in the lake that burns with fire and brimstone, which is the second death.

Rev 20:14
Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. This is the second death, the lake of fire.

Mt 19:16
And someone came to Him and said, "Teacher, what goodthing shall I do that I may obtain eternal life?" ..."if you wish to enter into life, keep the commandments"

Mtt 25:46
These will go away into eternal penalty, but the righteous into eternal life.

In this context, the life beyond is a bonus.... a gift, an inheritance... favor, an offer to participate in more. Life here is rugged and disturbing. We have an option to get out into a more productive, comfortable, reasonable setting.

I hope this last theory doesn't sidetrack your thread ... I really don't want to get into a lot of controversy over the idea.

Most of us have loved ones who do not believe, and it's difficult when they aren't convinced of what may come for them. As people said above, we can't control their destinies, and we can't make them believe something they don't.

But God can work gradually in their hearts, and dissolve some of those fears and damages.