Random Thread of Randomness! (2)

[Stefania777]

I'm tellin ya brotha', if you don't run, they gonna step on ya like a cocaroarch, and there aint no place to hide.

 

[comana]

Do you dream in color?

 

[Stefania777]

Could you pick me up and dust me off, I need a lot of work, and could you touch my heart and make it feel like it used to.

 

[OceanAngel]

on tuesdays I like to put a squirrel on a cd.

 

[aggie03]

On mondays I like to a cd on a squirrell

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Give me your money...

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Is it hot in here or am I just fat...?

 

[OceanAngel]

Clothes aint a optional extra?

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Groan Zone...

1.Two peanuts were walking down a spooky road at night... One was
assaulted. ~The Oregonian~

2.What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk. ~Robert Wise~

3.Two ropes walk into a bar. The bartender says to the rope "Hey! we
don't serve ropes in here" so one of the ropes left. The other rope frayed
up his hair and tied himself in a knot. The bartender said to the rope
"Are you a rope?" and the rope said "I'm afaid not" ~The Oregonian~

4.Why was the Tomato blushing? Because he saw the salad dressing.
~Josh Tallman~

5.A mom dad and baby tomato are walking down the street and the baby
starts to lag behind so the dad goes back and smashes the baby and
says "ketchup" ~Pulp Fiction~

6.A frog is looking for a loan, so he goes into a bank. He sits down at a
desk and the name plate says "Patty Whac". He talks to Patty about the
loan and she asks him what he has for collateral. The frog replies well I
have this vase. He pulls the vase out of a bag to show her. Patty says
"well thats just a cheap knick-knack". Then the owner notices the vase
and says to himself "gee that's from the 17th century, it's worth tons of
money" So he walks over to patty and says "Thats no knick-knake
Patty Whac give the frog a loan". ~Wakk0 Warner~

7.3 old men are at the doctor for a memory test. The doctor says to the
first old man, "What is three times three"? "274" was his reply. The
doctor says to the second man "It's your turn. What is three times
three"? "Tuesday" replys the second man. The doctor says to the third
man, "OK, Your turn. What's three times three"? "Nine" says the third
man. "That's great" says the doctor. "How did you get that"? "Simple"
says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday". ~Eric K.~

8.A termite walks into a barroom and asks, "Where's the barrtender?"
~Alecia Wolf~

9.How do you catch a squirrel? Climb into a tree and act like a nut...
~Phil Napier~

10.Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because he/she had no guts!
~Bob Kelly~

11.A little boy was visiting his grandmother and the young boy asked his
grandmother,"grandma, how old are you"? She replied, "you shouldn't
ask me questions like that". A few minutes past and the young boy
asked his grandmother another question, "how much do you weight"?
The grandmother replied, "you shouldn't ask me questions like that"!

The following week when the little boy went back to school he told his
friends about the coversation he had with his grandmother and how he
was unable to get an answer from her. The little boy's friends advised
him to look on her drivers license, all the information will be there.

The next week when the little boy was visiting his grandmother he told
her he knew how much she weighed and how old she was. The
grandmother didn't believe him until he told her,"you weight 130lb., and
you are 65 years old". Then the little boy in a bashfull way wispered to
his grandmother, "I also know you got an F in Sex". ~Bob Kelly~

12.why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because he was too
chicken.~drtbike~

13.What do John the Baptist & Winnie the Pooh have in common? Their
middle name.~XYTrapp~

14.Why are there so many Johnsons in the phone book? They all have
phones.~XYTrapp~

16.Two old guys at an old folk's home shooting the breeze. One says
"How's the memory?" The other says "Perfect, touch wood", and raps
his knuckles on the table. 2 minutes go bye, and then he says
"Somebody gonna get the door or what?"~Lardass~

17.Did you hear about the cannibal who passed his brother in the woods
one day?~Neil Heiman~

18.What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches? A nervous
wreck!~d.j.w.~

20.Why don't cannibals eat comedians? Because they taste
funny.~Howard Burgess~

21.A skeleton is in a bar. He goes up to the bar. "A pint of lager and a mop
please."~Howard Burgess~

22."Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud." "Yes sir, it's fresh
ground."~Howard Burgess~

23.What's brown and sticky? A stick.~Howard Burgess~

24.A horse walks into a bar, the barman says "why the long face?"~Stuart
Davidson~

25.How do you catch a unique rabbit? U Neaq up on it. How do you catch
a tame rabbit? Tame way, you neaq up on it.~Jim Molinari and
Sammy~

26.How do you describe the average cannibal? A guy with a wife and ate
children.~Corey Jones~

27.What did the cannibal do when he saw an 'All you can eat restaurant'?
He had two waiters and a busboy.~Corey Jones~

28.Why are proctologists so gloomy? They always have the end in
sight.~Corey Jones~

30.Two men walk into a bar. You would think the second one would of
ducked.~Shaun Haapala, Daniel L. Miller, and John Stoffer~

31.What does mozart do now that he is dead? He decomposes.....~Ernest
D. Aguayo~


33.Whatdaya call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef. Whatdaya call a cow
with no legs? Ground Beef. Whatdaya call a dog with no legs? Doesn't
matter, he ain't gonna come anyway... ~John Braden~


37.Two sausages are in a pan. One looks at the other and says "it's hot
in here, and the other sausage says "WHAT THE PUKE? IT'S A TALKING
SAUSAGE!"~Robert David Cox~

38.One day this guys house was on fire so he decided he better call the fire
department. He got on the phone with the chief and the man was very
frantic. The man said chief you have to get over her my house is on fire.
The chief says calm down, how do we get to your house, and the man
said you don't have those big red trucks anymore!~Anthony Makoski~

39.Did you hear about the cannibal who came home late for dinner and his
wife gave him a cold shoulder?~Tony~

40.What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin' Catholic.~unkown~

41.What's the worst part about eating vegetables? Those darn
wheelchairs.~unkown~

42.There are three kinds of people in the world. Those who can count. And
those who can't.~T. Blase~

44.What did the apple say to the orange? Nothing stupid, apples don't
talk.~Jen V.~

45.What do you do with a dog that has no legs? Take him out for a
drag.~Kathy Nicol~

46.Why don't blind people skydive? Because it scares the **** out of their
dogs.~Matt and Roxy~

47.What is the famous last words in surgery? Ouch!!~Matt and Roxy~

48.There was a lawyer that was talking to his client who just committed
murder. He said "I have some good news, and some bad news. The bad
news is that you're getting the electric chair." His client said "That's
terrible!! Well, what's the good news?" The lawyer said "I got the
voltage lowered."~Matt and Roxy~

49.A traveling salesman was driving down a country road when a rabbit ran
in front of his car and he hit it. The proverbial farmer was sitting on the
fence watching. The salesman gets out of his car and opens the trunk.
He then removes an aerosol can and sprays the contents on the dead
rabbit. The next thing you know the rabbit gets up and hops about 20 ft.
down the road, turns and waves to the salesman, goes another 20 ft.
and waves to the salesman. The salesman looks at the farmer and says
"he'll be okay now." The salesman gets into his car and leaves. The
farmer wondering what's going on walks over to the ditch where the
salesman threw the can, picks it up and read the label which said FOR
HARE RESTORATION AND PERMANENT WAVE.~Chuckles~

50.What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud.~Jim Spurrier~

51.A pork pie walks into a bar and the barman says sorry we dont serve
food in here.~Dave Large~

52.What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it hits a
windshield? His butt.~unkown~

53.Two male mushrooms are walking down the road. Walking towards
them is a female mushroom all dressed up. They look at her. She ignores
them both and walks right by. Then, the one male mushroom, in a very
high pitched mushroom voice, says to the other: "Jeez, she didn't even
look at us. What's wrong? We are a couple of fun-gis!"~John A.
Judgate~

54.Whats the smartest thing a man can say? "my wife says"~Guest 7~

55.A farmer is milking his cow. As he is milking, a fly comes along and flies
into the cows ear. A little bit later, the farmer notices the fly in the milk.
The farmer looks up and says, "Hmph. In one ear, out the utter."~Mr.
Ed~

58.What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work? A stick.~Ed Kim~

60.Why can't a chicken coop have more than 2 doors? Because if it had 4
doors it would be a chicken sedan.~Sandra Johnson~

61.Why do seagulls fly over the sea? If they flew over the bay then they
would be bagels.~Jon Smith~

63.What do you call a missing parrot? A polygon.~Steve Hagstrom~

65.What do you call a parrot wearing a raincoat? Polly unsaturated.~The
Oregonian~


68.Where does a one armed man shop? At a second hand store!~Emily
Christain~

72.A couple cannot wait to be married. They are driving home and hit a
patch of ice, crash, die and go right to heaven. Appearing before Saint
Peter, they tell him, "Saint Peter, we couldn't wait to get married, Could
you get us married here in heaven." Saint Peter pauses and says, "I'll see
what I can do." Time passes and Saint Peter calls the couple to his office
and tells them, "I have some good news, you are going to be married."
They are married and are so happy. As time goes on, they go back to
see Saint Peter. They tell him, "we want a divorce. This marriage isn't
what we thought it would be. We can't stand it." Saint Peter
responds,"give me a break, it took me 10 years to find a priest to marry
you, it will take me forever to find you a lawyer."~Father Joseph Sica!

 

[gemcross]

How often do you have deja vous? Do they creep you out when they happen at the strangest times. I think they are given to us for a reason. A few times I avoided an argument because I actually knew what the other person was going to say!! weird right? Sometimes they are so detailed I recognize the smells, location and what the people are wearing. very creepy, yet cool




Oh and good funnies Leader!

 

[Leader of the Banned]

Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations.

 

[aggie03]

This is a random post.

 

[OceanAngel]

Shes a happy goth

With a face as white as the snows of hoth.

 

[Stefania777]

Jeremiah
(I like that book)

 

[aggie03]

As soft a touch as velvet cloth,
She's a happy goth!

The moonlight dances through her hair
it's blackness drawing everyone's stare
she walks around without a care,

she's a happy goth

 

[Leader of the Banned]

I'm so goth I'm dead...

 

[2Timothy2]

sometimes you just have to walk away

 

[Stefania777]

uuuuh, I'm a stinky happy hippie ..(jk, I'm not stinky, I just took a shower)

 

[Leader of the Banned]

That's one tolerant dog....

 

[aggie03]

still being edited...