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Random Thread of Randomness! ((((((15)
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MeekOne
Meek is not weak
- Oct 8, 2004
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fall4jc said:
Thanks you guys!Tumbleweed64 said:Meekone, I like your avatar
I wish I could take credit for it, but someone else did the work, I just found it on the web.
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MeekOne
Meek is not weak
- Oct 8, 2004
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akasmom said:
Oh! I know....I've been trying to figure that out for the past 2 weeks! They get out early down south! My daughter has taken up guitar for the summer, praise the Lord! She is a natural at it too!
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Leader of the Banned
Legend
- Feb 19, 2004
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A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then, she asked the class,
"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,
"I think I'd throw up."
~**~**~**~**
STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over he altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"
~**~**~**~**
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
~**~**~**~**
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked,
"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms."
~**~**~**~**
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children,
"We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
~**~**~**~**
SUNDAY SCHOOL
Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israeltes were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
~**~**~**~**
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm
23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.
Little Bobby was excited about the task. But, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!
AMEN!
"If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence,
"I think I'd throw up."
~**~**~**~**
STORY OF ELIJAH
The Sunday school teacher was carefully explaining the story of Elijah the Prophet and the false prophets of Baal. She explained how Elijah built the altar, put wood upon it, cut the steer in pieces, and laid it upon the altar. And then, Elijah commanded the people of God to fill four barrels of water and pour it over he altar. He had them do this four times.
"Now," said the teacher, "can anyone in the class tell me why the Lord would have Elijah pour water over the steer on the altar?"
A little girl in the back of the room started waving her hand, "I know, I know," she said, "to make the gravy!"
~**~**~**~**
LOT'S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mommy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a telephone pole!"
~**~**~**~**
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked,
"Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?"
"No," replied Johnny. "How could he with just two worms."
~**~**~**~**
HIGHER POWER
A Sunday school teacher said to her children,
"We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a higher power. Can anybody tell me what it is?"
One child blurted out, "Aces!"
~**~**~**~**
SUNDAY SCHOOL
Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school.
"Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then, he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israeltes were saved."
"Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked.
"Well, no, Mom. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
~**~**~**~**
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm
23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.
Little Bobby was excited about the task. But, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Bobby was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly,
"The Lord is my shepherd and that's all I need to know!
AMEN!
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Leader of the Banned
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- Feb 19, 2004
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At the beginning of the summer semester there were 45 students in my Anatomy and Physiology class, after the first exam there're about 15
. The chick with the cute accent dropped too
. The chick with the cute accent dropped too
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Leader of the Banned
Legend
- Feb 19, 2004
- 29,744
- 13,809
- 56
- Gender
- Male
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
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thecarlyjean
ardent enthusiast about Jesus, music, and people!
- Nov 27, 2004
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i wanted to go out with my parents this evening. but no,
"id have to get cleaned up" even though HE OFFERED...
"id have to get dressed"
so now.. i get fast food again! GRRR...
i had nothing for breakfast and mcdonalds for lunch... now KFC for dinner
sunday i had mcdonalds for a late lunch and frosty for desert
monday i have chick fil a for dinner
tuesday i had macaroni and cheese (that i made myself..)
wednesday i had nothing...
thursday i am having KFC...
will we ever have real food again?
"id have to get cleaned up" even though HE OFFERED...
"id have to get dressed"
so now.. i get fast food again! GRRR...
i had nothing for breakfast and mcdonalds for lunch... now KFC for dinner
sunday i had mcdonalds for a late lunch and frosty for desert
monday i have chick fil a for dinner
tuesday i had macaroni and cheese (that i made myself..)
wednesday i had nothing...
thursday i am having KFC...
will we ever have real food again?
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thecarlyjean
ardent enthusiast about Jesus, music, and people!
- Nov 27, 2004
- 9,211
- 151
- 37
- Faith
- Pentecostal
- Marital Status
- Single
- Politics
- US-Republican
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Daughter of His
Believing God
Reasons not to mess with children.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
************************************
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
*****************************************
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
*************************************
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
**************************************
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
****************************************
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persude them to buy a copy of their group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you're all grown up and say,"There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer" or "That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'There's the teacher, she's dead."
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".
************************************
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
*****************************************
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shalt not kill."
*************************************
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"
**************************************
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, She's dead. "
****************************************
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE. God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The children had all been photographed and the teacher was trying to persude them to buy a copy of their group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you're all grown up and say,"There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer" or "That's Michael, he's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, 'There's the teacher, she's dead."
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