Raising Autism

[Telrunya]

I'm at work when the call comes in. My oldest son, John, hit a girl in his class in the eye with a book. John is 12 years old and autistic and is really a very gentile and loving child. He takes really good care of his sister and brother. When my 8 year old daughter came out of her bedroom crying because her guinnee pig died he was the first one there to hold her and ask whats wrong and stayed with her the rest of the day trying to cheer her up. The only time he gets violent is when he is in a competely untenable social situation such as being in the middle of large crowds with lots of noise and things going on. For him to do something like this completely out of the blue is unheard of. My first reaction is, is the girl ok? Did he hurt her? Followed by what in the world brought this on? Thankfully the girl is ok. Just a black eye. Now why in the world would he do this? Drawing answers out of John is no easy task, nor is it easy to get him to explain how he felt when he did any particular act. Well it finally came out that he likes this girl. I plant my face in my hands and try to explain to my son that clocking a girl in the eye with a book isn't the best way to get her to like you back. He wanted to spend his allowance to buy her a present and then wrote her a long letter about how that wasn't what he wanted to do and how he really did like her. He even asked her to the Valentine's Day dance at school (Yes I know this in only October but it works in his mind) I dont know if this girl is autsitic or not but she is in his special needs class. Here is to hoping and praying for her to have a forgivening heart. Any other suggestions?

 

[ReginaPhlange]

Telrunya,

I empathise with you! I have a 11 year old son who, we think, has austism, but hasn't been diagnosed.

He has just started high school and got it some bother this week when he pushed another boy over because he was making a noise that was annoying him. School reported that our son said that he didn't care that he could have seriously hurt the boy as he was annoying him, and pushing him over made him stop.

Our boy knows right from wrong. He knows not to hit or be aggressive, and we certainly do not condone or excuse his behaviour due to possible autism. But sometimes it is hard to communicate with him and get him to see things another way, especially with social situations.

It is great, imo, that your son is talking to someone else (something that our son finds very difficult to do!) and yes, as you know, he didn't behave appropriately to the girl.

I think all you can do is keep talking to him about what is socially acceptable and what behaviours are acceptable. It may take some time and lots of repetition, but what else is there to do?

I don't think it matters if the girl has autism or not. She may not understand your son's actions, but thats one of lifes lessons, that everyone is different and therefore unique.

Have you gone into school and spoken to his teachers? For example, my son is part of a social group which is run in school which teaches autistic children, or those who struggle in social situations, how to react and respond in different situations. Maybe teachers could offer you some advice or support for your son?

Hope everything is going well with you and your family,

God bless x

 

[CareyGreen]

Autism is a mysterious and tough condition to deal with. The data and research are simply still in their infancy. I will be praying for God's grace to illuminate your way in dealing with this condition. I recently did an interview with a man who is discovering ways that music/rhythm instruction may contribute to better handling of the condition. You can find it on my podcast, episode 8, if you are interested.