Raise your hand if . . .

[Wheezy]

. . . you have low self-esteem. Well, actually - I've noticed the term 'self-esteem' used in quite a few different conversations in this folder. So my question is, how do you define self-esteem (or the lack thereof!)? It seems to me we ALL probably have areas in our lives that we would define by using that word. Or would those just be considered insecurities? What do you all think?

Fight on -- Wheezy

 

[Matt.9:22]

I used to really struggle with self-esteem because when I was younger I was really over weight and really tall and I developed really early. Basically I was built like a grown women when I was ten. So people were really cruel. Then in high school I had to add glasses to the mix. But in the last few years I've worked on my self esteem. I'm made in the image of God. Can't get any better than that. I still have a lot of work to go, especially when it comes to my self-value when I'm around guys (talk about plummeting), but praise be to God, I'm not where I used to be.

Keep your head up. God made you beauty-full!!

 

[lunalinda]

I have spats of low self-esteem nowadays, which are usually sparked by a certain mood, but it's nothing as severe as it was before, if "severe" is even the right word to use. I still say I'm fat, but I don't get as depressed over it like I used to. Instead of saying, "I'm fat and stupid and I'm not going out today," I'll be like, "Well I'm so fat today, but oh well, gotta do what I gotta do."

I just define it as being in a state of mind where putting myself down is the easiest and most preferred thing to do. I'd attack myself because no one else would, and I'd never understand why they wouldn't, and that would ironically add to fuel to my self-attacks. I'd be thinking kinda like, "Ugh....why can't you people NOT see that I'm UGLY? Why do you keep telling me I'm not ugly? SHAME ON ALL OF YOU! YOU'RE LIARS AND ARE NOT TELLING ME HOW UGLY I REALLY AM!" There was even a time when I thought bruises made me look pretty and they added color to my deathly pale skin, that when I had gotten a large bruise from something, I purposely kept hitting it so it can last longer. That's not a moment I'm particularly proud of, of course.

It was just bad in highschool. Comparing myself to all the popular girls and feeling ugly and inferior to all of them. I was also heavier than I am now (and I'm still heavy, just not as much), so of course I hated seeing all the other skinny girls. Gym class was hell. And then there was the not having the number of friends they had, blah blah blah...I'm sure many a girl can know what I mean, whether or not they were in the same situations themselves. I dunno...I just really hated myself, hated the way I looked, etc.

After I graduated, things gradually improved. Maybe it was because of the lack of popular girls to torment me with their images, I dunno. Either way, it allowed me time to grow by myself, without "competition" so to speak. I grew as an individual, bursting out of a few shells thanks to my first bf (now ex), who I won't get into. But he was the one true spark of awakening a part of me I never knew I had. I still think that's what God's purpose was for us to meet. Not for us to be together, but just for him to help me more appreciate who I am in Christ, even if he had no idea he was doing that. My personality has grown so much post-highschool. I was alway so quiet, so shy, so afraid of never being accepted that I just never opened up.

Well anyway...as I said, I still have spats of self-esteem issues, mostly in the not having self-confidence way. I still can have trouble opening up, but at least it's for different reasons than before. Well geeze...I should shush cuz I'm talking too much heh.

 

[fluffy_rainbow]

I think we're all prone to having moments of low self-esteem. I know that I felt very self-conscious when I went to the mall the other night. Here I am in a modest skirt, tunic top, and Keds sneakers. I was one of maybe four (that I saw) full-figured women there. The rest of the shoppers were little tiny girls wearing barely-there clothes and (from a wordly perspective) looked fabulous. As we were leaving the mall I said to my sister, "that place makes me hate the way I look." She said, "if that makes you hate the way you look I feel sorry for you. I don't worry about it. I certainly wouldn't let people at the mall bring down your self-esteem." She had a point.

I think that the most important thing to remember, is regardless of what we weigh, what we look like, or how well we do at things in life, God loves us regardless. He sees the heart when others see the outside appearances.

 

[Wheezy]

Thanks for sharing! I guess my point was that I've heard people say (to me or to someone else), "You have low-esteem, honey." And I've always thought, "But don't we ALL have low self-esteem in one area or another?"

I have to admit I'm very similar to you, LunaLinda! It's actually quite freaky! I was heavier during high school than I am now, but I still won't be confused with Twiggy (or anyone under a size 10) anytime soon! I actually avoided the whole high school thing by doing independent study because I was so shy and insecure. I haven't had a bf, but God's used other people to help me realize my worth in Him (though that gets lost in the shuffle quite often). I do the same thing you do with the whole, "I'm so fat today, but oh well, gotta do what I gotta do." I guess I've just learned to ignore that particular insecurity sometimes. And heck! Sometimes my weight and I actually reach a peace agreement! (Lunalinda - feel free to talk ALL YOU WANT TO! )

I agree with you, Fluffy-Rainbow, about going to the mall and feeling rotten when I leave!

Thanks for the imput! Fight on -- Wheezy

 

[RadG]

I have noticed only the females have responded to this thread, but I personally know some of us guy's have low self-esteem. I have pretty much always had a weight problem and always been on the heavy side, always the shy and quiet one keeping mostly to myself with only a handfull of friends. Most of the time I feel as if no one will like me or have thoughts along those lines so I tend to get the feeling at times of being on the outside looking in (an observer). It tends to happen less because I try to open up a little more often that I used to but it is a hard obstacle to overcome.

RadG

 

[JPPT1974]

I have always been a low self-esteem person because people are trying to get me to act one way like smile and be happy go lucky and that invades on who I am. I want to behave like me because if I behave like one person instead of myself, that is a "fake" me and not the real me. I want to behave more like myself whether people like it or not.

 

[VivDaGurl]

All the past years, I have very, very low self-esteem and I've even thought of changing the look I have. Until one day I started to post some pictures here, I received some very positive response and there's one girl who really make me feel good here in the forums. Even today, I do still have the similiar feeling but I know that I'm made this way for a reason.

I've received some of the following comments which hurt me:
- You are so fat
- You don't look pretty
- Has loosing weight came to your mind ever before?
- After you've discharged from the hospital, go to the beautification centre to make your nose look taller, get them to give you a double eye lid, make your lips thinner, start loosing weight and you'll look real good after that! (I was in the hospital when this girl said that to me) Then, you'll get a boyfriend...
- First time, I'm seeing a girl eating so much cheese (I was eating pizza at that time and I love cheese)
- Learn how to dress yourself to not to show your fat!
- When a girl whom is not pretty, it doesn't really matter what you put on yourself.
- Make an announcement before you jump into the swimming pool so that all of us will have the time to run away before the water in the pool spilled out.
- When I tell a friend that I'm on the estrogen pills, I noticed that I'm starting to put on weight and this friend told me, "You are always so fat anyway..."

 

[boilerblues]

It's something I still battle, though I've grown a great deal in it. It hits more when I become interested in a lady, the demons get louder. It attacks me in my role as a leader also. I've grown as my faith has grown deeper, as God has carried me through hard times and reminded me that He still loves me and there are people who still love me.

Some people may disagree with this thought, but I really think that low self esteem is a twisted form of pride. Most of us think of pride as being too good. I think I've arrived at the definition of pride being a state of seeing ourselves in an improper place before God. Our normal prideful thought it "I'm too good for....", but the other side is "I'm too bad for..." and saying to God that our problems are too big for Him to handle. If I say I'm too ugly for anyone to love me than I'm saying that God isn't Good enough to make me someone Good. If I say I'm too big of a failure as a leader than I'm saying God isn't powerful enough to use me for good, despite my weaknesses and failures. None of my problems are too big for me to handle. I can awknowledge my weaknesses, as long as I'm also trusting in God's strengths.

I still struggle with my self esteem, but God has been growing that in me. Sometimes it takes acting like I believe in myself before I can find that God's able to do things through me worth believing in.

 

[remy]

Never had much an appearance issue, even though I had the three hit combo in grade school (glasses, braces, acne). I'm more self-defeating, second guessing, constantly pressured what to do/what not to do (I just just **** everyone off and join the Army ), and don't apply myself enough due to a skeptical outlook. Like job hunting, I haven't really applied anywhere in a few months since I figure I won't get the job, and most jobs are ****-jobs anyway.

 

[Sketcher]

When most people tell you you're no good and treat you that way for most of your life, you tend to start believing them. I didn't start feeling better about myself until I started college and got some new friends. I don't feel as bad as I used to, and I don't really get depressed anymore, but sometimes I have to deal with those same old issues.

 

[waterbear]

. . . you have low self-esteem. Well, actually - I've noticed the term 'self-esteem' used in quite a few different conversations in this folder. So my question is, how do you define self-esteem (or the lack thereof!)? It seems to me we ALL probably have areas in our lives that we would define by using that word. Or would those just be considered insecurities? What do you all think?

Fight on -- Wheezy

Low Self Esteem: Accepts other's created self as self or refuses to acknowledge full self mutablity.

Insecurities: Areas of continued negative interest due to lack of resolution.

 

[Fatolia]

Some people may disagree with this thought, but I really think that low self esteem is a twisted form of pride. Most of us think of pride as being too good. I think I've arrived at the definition of pride being a state of seeing ourselves in an improper place before God. Our normal prideful thought it "I'm too good for....", but the other side is "I'm too bad for..." and saying to God that our problems are too big for Him to handle. If I say I'm too ugly for anyone to love me than I'm saying that God isn't Good enough to make me someone Good. If

YES! YESSS!!!!! Rep this man

 

[Wheezy]

Okay, I really need to figure out how to quote people . . . I think it was boilerblues who mentioned that self-esteem is just a twisted form of pride. Right on! It's interesting that that was mentioned. It's something my pastor's mentioned a few times in the recent past and I've just now come to realize in its entirety. Basically, I've realized that when I feel ugly and worthless, I'm allowing those emotions, those demons, to have control, rather than Christ. Not that it's an easy battle to NOT allow them to have control, but it's a worthwhile battle nonetheless!

Thanks for the input! -- Wheezy

P.S. VivDa Girl - I say with all sincerity that you're beautiful! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

 

[RadG]

I've received some of the following comments which hurt me:
- You are so fat
- You don't look pretty
- Has loosing weight came to your mind ever before?
- After you've discharged from the hospital, go to the beautification centre to make your nose look taller, get them to give you a double eye lid, make your lips thinner, start loosing weight and you'll look real good after that! (I was in the hospital when this girl said that to me) Then, you'll get a boyfriend...
- First time, I'm seeing a girl eating so much cheese (I was eating pizza at that time and I love cheese)
- Learn how to dress yourself to not to show your fat!
- When a girl whom is not pretty, it doesn't really matter what you put on yourself.
- Make an announcement before you jump into the swimming pool so that all of us will have the time to run away before the water in the pool spilled out.
- When I tell a friend that I'm on the estrogen pills, I noticed that I'm starting to put on weight and this friend told me, "You are always so fat anyway..."

I can see how some of those are hurtfull, I have had some thrown my way like you are so fat and has loosing weight come to your mind before, maybe not in those exact words but close. Other things I have seen and heard that have hurt my self esteem have also been
-"Thanks for your time ma'am" This is from people on the phone who do not know me and assume that I am a woman
-Rejections for jobs that I am qualified for & lack of employment in my field.

I know that the first one they mean no harm because I am just a voice on the other end of the line, but it still serves a hard blow to my self esteem.

 

[Highland Watchman]

I agree with boilerblues. I think "low self esteem" and "arrogance" are kind of the two main forms of pride. Imagine the road of faith... it's like they are the two ditches on either side...

I can raise my hand in saying that I have had many struggles with this demonic attack form. I do not struggle as much as before, but that might be because I am now a Christian and before, I really had nothing hopeful to hang onto, nor did I have a sense of purpose...

I wasn't fat growing up. Far from. I was more the small, skinny kid with freckles and braces, who knew the answer to nearly everything... who had a dad who was a cop, and in a town whose main export was marijuana, for the middle school years at least... who disapproved of how the people around me were living, and hated and despised humanity about as much as I hated myself...

I look back at myself at that time, and I shake my head in bewilderment at how much God has changed me... in some ways more than others. I still secondguess myself, and when I consider that my calling is to preach, but I'm not doing it, because no jobs seem available... And I still wonder what's going on when I see myself as a failure at relationships, especially when looking at both of my YOUNGER brothers, both of whom have been in continual relationships for the past 4 years, and one who is about to have his first child in February... And I try to tell myself that it's because I'm meant to remain single, but with everyone telling me that it's lies, and that I will end up marrying one day... but I don't know what to do, especially since every relationship I've ever been in has ended in failure on my part...

At least I don't base my self worth based on how much money or possessions I had. Otherwise, I'd be below worthless at this point. I barely live paycheque to paycheque... and it's by God's grace that I've made it as far as I have. I guess how I am overcoming it is to stop comparing myself to those around me, except to say "Hey, I want to do that some day..." and to remember that to give up now would be to truly fail... because I know God has planted a lot of potential in this one life. Otherwise, I would be satisfied being average, and I would be indistinguishable from those around me in the world...

So yeah... Hope what I say here may help someone who has had similar struggles, even if it's only to give hope that there is yet one more who wrestles with this...

 

[iwillxa100]

I'm not going to lie, I have pretty low self esteem, at least when talking to people.

Mainly because I know that I come off as socially awkward, needy, weird, etc. All those traits add up to make me an unlikable person.

But I still at least try to talk to people and put my low self esteem aside. I think it works. Its hard to say.
People can obviously see my low self esteem, and that probably drives them away (since afterall the best measure of us is ourselves of course *sarcasm*)
But also, maybe because I have lower self esteem thats causing me not to try hard enough?
In any case its bad to have low self esteem and id love to trade it in for higher esteem


I define self-esteem, as how confident you feel in yourself that people will accept you, when you talk to them and try to befriend them. The popular people have high self esteem because they are always accepted