Quit trying too soon?

[Photorebel]

My wife steadfastly has said she wanted a divorce for a couple of months. 4 counseling sessions, she didn't give an inch. No interest in working on marriage..zero. Even the counselor said she could not help us, because my wife completely refuses to even try to save marriage.
So this past week, I agreed to a no fault divorce (she doesn't have grounds, I don't have proof..though suspect emotional affair)

But I have to wonder, after 30 years...why is she so stubborn on this? Could there be special someone in the wings? She seems unconcerned about how she's going to support herself, where she's going to live..etc. But again, I have no proof of that.

I am really fighting anger, at what she is doing to our family. And she seems she could care less, even when my daughter broke down in tears, my wife sat there..stoned faced.

I don't know what happened to the woman I married.

But I honestly don't know what else I can do. I've prayed, requested prayer, got her to to go the counseling..but she has hardened her heart so much.

I appreciate every one's support here, I truly do.

 

[marksman315]

I'm praying for you.

I believe that your suspicions are most likely correct. It seems a lot like she is probably having an affair.

Was your counselor a "Christian" counselor? It may be best to have someone approach her from a Biblical view. Sometimes we need to be confronted with the Word to get us convicted of our sin. At the very least, the seed will be planted in her as to what she is doing, and it may soften her heart. If she has a heart for God first then this may help. At this point there is nothing to lose with trying.

Best wishes for you, and may God bless you.

 

[I Art Laughing]

Serial monogamy. She would be a rare exception in this set of circumstances.

 

[Conservativation]

There is someone else, Id stake LOTS on it. Its been shown that wives leave with vigor and verve when they have something boosting their confidence, like trapeze, have a good hand hold over here before letting go over there. Lacking that, it can be a man on email even half a planet away by the way, they will try and find girlfriends to walk with them, GF's usually do too, support them whatever they want to do (sweety).

Me do it too, its just less frequent men filing no fault divorces, but men like having someone in the wings....which is one reason men file less, because in the SMP men still are the hunters

 

[Photorebel]

I'm praying for you.

I believe that your suspicions are most likely correct. It seems a lot like she is probably having an affair.

Was your counselor a "Christian" counselor? It may be best to have someone approach her from a Biblical view. Sometimes we need to be confronted with the Word to get us convicted of our sin. At the very least, the seed will be planted in her as to what she is doing, and it may soften her heart. If she has a heart for God first then this may help. At this point there is nothing to lose with trying.

Best wishes for you, and may God bless you.

Counselor was a Christian counselor...and very strong in Bible..beliefs.
She had a 50 minute session with my wife, and then met with me..and 10 minutes into it, told me there was no point in coming back. She could not help us.
I suspect..(as in NOT know)...that my wife might have confided something that led the counselor to abruptly stop counseling. The week before, wife said she wanted out of the marriage..period. But counselor still had us come back.
But this last session, that was it.
Maybe wife said something about another man. (and I suspect there is one, many, many signs). But...I don't have evidence, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter anymore.
The truth will come out at some point.

So I'm deciding to move on with my life. I didn't want or ask for a divorce, but she had to have one...and ASAP...so that makes me think about OM also.

But I"m moving on, best I can.

 

[marksman315]

Counselor was a Christian counselor...and very strong in Bible..beliefs.
She had a 50 minute session with my wife, and then met with me..and 10 minutes into it, told me there was no point in coming back. She could not help us.
I suspect..(as in NOT know)...that my wife might have confided something that led the counselor to abruptly stop counseling. The week before, wife said she wanted out of the marriage..period. But counselor still had us come back.
But this last session, that was it.
Maybe wife said something about another man. (and I suspect there is one, many, many signs). But...I don't have evidence, and as far as I'm concerned, it doesn't matter anymore.
The truth will come out at some point.

So I'm deciding to move on with my life. I didn't want or ask for a divorce, but she had to have one...and ASAP...so that makes me think about OM also.

But I"m moving on, best I can.

It really sounds like you have done your "due diligence" in this matter. May God bless you, keep you, and give you strength to endure.

 

[QueenLiB]

Sorry to hear about your situation. Don't have any advice to offer just wanted to let you know you are in my prayers. You do seem as if you have truly done all you can though I know its not really comforting. Prayers and hugs.

 

[Photorebel]

I am seeing God work in so many ways in my life, my family's life..etc. I can't understand.. why my wife wants a divorce. I honestly can't.
I know we had issues, which are not nearly what many couples have dealt with, and these issues can be dealt with, but she has no desire to do so.
She talks of praying and how God will direct her....provide her a job, etc.
I cannot believe God is ok with divorce..I just can't. I understand..free will, and so forth.
But I just can't believe God is giving her the stamp of approval for divorce.

I'm not judging her...God has been dealing with me about judging others..that's HIS job, not mine. I simply cannot understand. I am walking in the light I have, and I've got a peace. I even came to the place where I forgive her, for what she is doing.

I just don't understand.

 

[Conservativation]

I am seeing God work in so many ways in my life, my family's life..etc. I can't understand.. why my wife wants a divorce. I honestly can't.
I know we had issues, which are not nearly what many couples have dealt with, and these issues can be dealt with, but she has no desire to do so.
She talks of praying and how God will direct her....provide her a job, etc.
I cannot believe God is ok with divorce..I just can't. I understand..free will, and so forth.
But I just can't believe God is giving her the stamp of approval for divorce.

I'm not judging her...God has been dealing with me about judging others..that's HIS job, not mine. I simply cannot understand. I am walking in the light I have, and I've got a peace. I even came to the place where I forgive her, for what she is doing.

I just don't understand.

Its ok to judge the jettisoning of a marriage. Its not a gray area.

The modern concept of the personal Jesus is what she is experiencing, the Jesus who doesnt really hold fast to the Word, but can be swayed with emotional appeals about circumstance and happiness. In her mind she has the creator of the universe endorsing her choices, hence she can also ask Him to go before her and move road blocks and bless her new direction, and why would He not since he has "released" her from this horrible bondage of marriage that she has rewritten history to say she has loathed for 25 years.

Nuthin new here Im afriad, nothing new under the sun

 

[Photorebel]

Good point about re-writing history.

I have a long time friend, who is a retired counselor. Unfortunately, my story is nothing new to him. He's heard it, many, many times.

It comes down to this, when a wife decides to leave, and when it's likely for another man...she has to justify her actions...make husband the bad guy.
He has only met my wife..twice..in 25 or so years...and briefly, so he's somewhat objective.

He strongly believes..there is either another man, or the idea of another someone else...and that is what is going to make her happy.

I really don't want to believe there is someone else, but all the signs are there..and frankly, NOTHING else makes sense. (sigh)

But this..saying, she prayed about it and it's ok...bothers me. (the divorce part I mean). I know God hates divorce. I also know there are situations, I would tell people to get out..and quick (abuse, fear of physical harm, or threats of violence.) I cannot accept that God told her to go ahead and leave, because..."she's not happy.". I just can't.

Maybe I'm wrong, but that's my opinion.