Questions...

[ditzydancer86]

I love my boyfriend a lot, and my faith is very important to me, however, he is agnostic. He used to be a practicing Methodist, but quit because he did not like the way his church translated the Bible teachings into our lives today. I know he loves me a lot and know how important my faith is to me, so much that he has agreed to come w/ me to my church once. I would like for him to have Faith again, but don't know how to go about it. We have had theological discussions every now and then, and I do gain ground on why he should regain his Faith, but I don't want to push him too far, and loose him. He is an amazing guy, with just that one flaw. What should I do? I know he wants to believe

ok, let me change this into black and white for you, since you all see everything in the world that way. My boyfriend is confused about his faith, because of the "tactics" his church used to teach him. He does believe in God, but not sure why. I apologize for calling him Agnostic, because, technically he isn't. He believes in God, but has no motive behind why. All I am asking is how I can help him understand his belief. He is willing to understand, why else would he be eager to go to church with me? Plus by helping him, it has since made my belief in the Lord and his power even stronger. I know that you guys are only working on what I have told you alone, and I'm trying not to get agitated about this, just understand that it is very complicated issue, and is multi-faceted.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

My honest opinion? You are unequally yoked and pursuing this relatiosnhip will bring you heartache. There is nothing you can do to make him regain his faith, it is a decision he has to make by himself.

 

[ditzydancer86]

hrmmm, what you say does have a lot of truth in it, and I'm not pushing him to do something that he doesn't want. All I know I can do, is help him out with his decision, being as unbiased as i can, I'm not one to give up on people, especially those close to my heart. We already have a bond that is greater than anyother relationship that I have had w/ those who have shared my faith.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i know u probably don't want to hear this but God does not want us to be in intimate relationships with unbelievers.I realize that this guy is a nice guy and you believe that you could teach him a lot about God, and that's good! but you should do it as a friend. There's nothing wrong with being friends with non-Christians. in fact, Jesus wants us to do that so that we can witness to them and help them grow closer to God. But when you enter into a personal relationship with someone, they have a MUCH greater influence in your life than being just plain friends. If you're in a deep relationship with someone who is not a christian you will only be pulled down in your faith. not because the other person is convincing you not to be a christian, but because you will not have them to encourage you in your walk with God and you will put too much effort into helping them with their relationship with God and not enough effort into working with your own personal relationship with God. also, we should want to make God the center of everything we do (the music we listen to, the clothes we wear, the movies we watch, the people we date). i hope this helps.

 

[ditzydancer86]

first of all, he doesn't lead me away from my faith at all, and second of all, as a friend, if i led him towards Christ, and he believed once again and we dated, he would still be the same person, except he would have Christ in his heart. It's not that he doesn't believe, he just doesn't like the thought of organized religion. I mean the whole point is that you have faith in Him, right? It doesn't matter whether or not you go to church every Sunday, what matters is that He is in your heart, and you affirm your Faith in Him. Also, he does encourage me in my walk with God. When we first met, the first thing I talked about was my Faith, and how I am waiting for marriage to have sex, and he understands that completely, and never oversteps my boundaries, because he respects me and my beliefs, and wants to be apart of them.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

We as Christians need to put God first. We can not let our emotions get in the way of doing what is right. I know it sounds harsh but when you have something in the bible that is B&W how can you deny it? You are putting your feelings and the feelings of this man in front of obeying God's word. My husband and I recently had to cut ourselves off from our previous church family, due to sexual immorality, they are claiming, love us like Jesus did, but the bible is clear about seperating yourself from believers that are sexually immoral just as th ebible is clear on being unequally yoked, and this isn't just in love relationships but all relationships.

 

[seamonster]

The Bible commands us not to marry unbelievers. By dating someone without your faith, you're heading towards marriage with a non-Christian. I know you may love your boyfriend, but in the end you have to decide between him and God. I can promise you that if you do marry this guy, even if you don't see it right now, it will cause heartache in your marriage and dissention between your children.

 

[ditzydancer86]

he is not sexually immoral in the first place, you all need to stop assuming that just because he does not go to church all the time and is unsure of his faith does not mean that he pracices immoral things. He is a virgin as well, and wants to stay that way until marriage. He is confused about he faith and that is all. I asked for help on making him not as confused, and you are all telling me I should not be with him. Everything is not black and white, not even in Christianity. Everything has shades of grey, its just whether or not you want to admit it.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

he is not sexually immoral in the first place, you all need to stop assuming that just because he does not go to church all the time and is unsure of his faith does not mean that he pracices immoral things. Everything is not black and white, not even in Christianity. Everything has shades of grey, its just whether or not you want to admit it.

I wasn't saying he was immoral, I was giving you an example of hard choices we sometimes have to make as Christians. That was a choice my husband and I had to make, we had to put our emotions and our closeness to these people we counted as family and seperate ourselves from them according to the word of God. You are right everything is not B&W but somethings are. religion aside, church aside, is he a christian? Does he claim Christ as his Lord and Savior? Does he strive to live his life according to the Bible? If he does not, and is considering it but not there yet, the only biblical advice we can give is telling you you are unequally yoked with him and are going aainst the word of God. This is one of those hard decisions we have to make as christians, what is more important to you? Dating this man, or obeying God's word? As I said before there is nothing you can do for him, you have done all you can, you have expressed your beliefs to him, he knows what you believe and it sounds like he knows the truth, but only he can make the decision of accepting it and everything that comes with it. If he makes a decision to follow Christ for you then your relationship will not be built on God, which is where it should be built.

 

[ditzydancer86]

now that is something i can definitely work with. He does accept Christ as his Savior, but he doesn't neccissarily understand why. I've never been good with expressing what I am trying to say, but now I am getting somewhere. I guess what I was trying to say in the origional, is that he does accept Christ as his Savior, but doesnt understand the meaning behind it. Because of his experience with his church, he doesn't like the thought of going to a church. I believe that if he does try out a church that is different from the one he went to, he would have all his questions answered about why he has faith. I think that makes sense...

 

[AutumnDreamer]

Ok we are getting somewhere now LOL So basically he is just not where you are spiritually. That we can work with. I know from experience how damaging the church can be, however you can not blame church as a whole for the mistakes of man. Encourage him to attend church until he finds the right one, going once or twice does not tell you what a church is like, I would say at the very least one month per church. He also must go with an open mind, there is no perfect church. He will never find it, but church is very important, the bible talks about not forsaking the gathering of the bretheren. There are some things one can overlook and there are some things you can't, first and formost sit down and read the bible with him to find out what things he is strong enough to compromise on. And what things he isn't, look for a church that has the same beliefs that he feels strongly about.

 

[ditzydancer86]

thank you!!! lol, I realize that what i first said is completely different, but nonetheless, thanks a bunch

 

[ChildOfGod20]

well in that case i agree with autumn dreamer. i too had a bad experience with a church. i went to a baptist church for three years with a bunch of hypocrites basically who gossiped made fun of people behind their backs and treated me mean because i wasn't as wealthy as them and it caused me to think that all baptist churches are like that. now that i am older and have experienced more churches i know that that is not true. one church does not reflect all. so i would encourage him to try out different churches, encourage him to read the Bible because after all gathering together for church is biblical.

 

[melandshanetria]

All you can do is pray with him as well as for him, and stand behind him, the rest is up to him. He have to seek God and his guidance for the church home that he should be in....like someone else here just said, there is no perfect church, if we're looking for one, we will never find it. You're definitely on different wavelengths spiritually and this is something that he is going to have to work on if you both plan to marry in the near future. We can't go around blaming a whole church just for a few people in that church who may be anything but warm and loving, or who may believe in going contrary to God's word. That's why it's important for us to get to know God and get enough of his word in us for ourselves, and wait for his guidance and direction on where we should be in finding a church home. Eventually, he may end up at your church, but this is going to be something that takes time for him and it's not going to happen overnight. You must concentrate more on your walk and fellowship with God and let him be. Don't get distracted with dealing with him and his faith, and you let your own focus on God slip. The best of God's blessings to you both.


~Minister Shanetria

 

[livin4thelord8]

I've been reading the postings and have some advice. Since your boyfriend is a believer but on a different spiritual base as you you're doing better than I was. I married a non believer without knowing how important it was to find a non believer. I was a Christian but God wasn't my personal friend like He is now. I continued growing closer to Christ and my hsuband went the other way. Because your b/f already knows Christ is a great help. As long as he keeps that curiosity and search going for answers and more knowledge you're okay. Let God lead him and don't worry about doing it all yourself. Make sure you stay atop of your walk with God and be there for your b/f but don't be upset if he doesn't catch up quite as quickly. Just be aware if, over time, he starts declining, that you don't marry him for the sake of it. Ask God for wisdom and that the course of the relationship be in God's hands and His will be done. Relinquish the whole thing over to God and you will see wonderful results. Ask God that your will become His will and continue to pray for your b/f but also continue to grow closer to God. God bless you both and congrats on a guy that loves God!

 

[inchristalone221]

he would still be the same person, except he would have Christ in his heart.

If he is not presently a believer and becomes one later, do not think he will not be changed. Granted the things you like about him will probably remain, it is vital that you understand the difference. A man without Christ is totally depraved, massa pecatti, and an enemy of God through Adam's sin (though they may manifest some good qualities). Without Christ, even a man's good is but glorified evil.

Please try to understand that I am not preaching at you. I merely wish, as your brother in Christ, to help you understand the reason for not being emotionally intimate with an unbeliever. An unbeliever and believer cannot be the right match for one another because they are different at their very core. One is dead and one is alive.

 

[bliz]

He is an amazing guy, with just that one flaw. What should I do? I know he wants to believe.

Darlin', this is no minor flaw! This is an intergal, rock-bottom, core values issue. This is you playing on God's team while he's playing on Satan's team. You're together playing on the same field, but on two totally different teams, and at the end of the game, the winner (God) is going to destroy the loser and his team.

I don't doubt that he is a wonderful guy! He was made by God, after all, and God loves him and Jesus died for him, but you are in a very difficult situation.

 

[leturlifewitness]

Good evening, I have read so far what everyone is saying and boy is this frustrating when the bottom line issue is not being talked about. The bottom line issue is not whether your boyfriend has accepted Jesus but does he have a relationship with Jesus. People can accept Jesus in there hearts all they want to but until they have an intimate relationship with Jesus will they even begin to understand anything about Christianity. We have to remember what Hebrews 1:1 says, Faith is the substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen. We have to understand that Faith is not something you can put your finger on but something that God has given every man Romans 12:3. To truly help your boyfriend out what you should do is continue to live it before him while interceding for him. I would also so go to church, not so that you can say that you are apart of an "organized religion" but because the Bible Says to. Hebrews 10:25. According to the Bible this is not a reccommendation nor a suggestion, or whenever you feel like it. So you need to go to church, whatever church you feel God telling you to go to that is where you would need to go. Remember these things are not just for your own personal benefit but other people also look at the decisions you make and decides whether they will follow Christ or not. One more thing please do not try to persuade your boyfriend why he should beleive in God, the fact is that God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whosoever beleives in him will not perish but have everlasting life. To merely believe in something is not going to cut it, because even the demons believe in God and yet they tremble. So when John 3:16 was written that word believe was talking about putting your full trust, faith,and hope in him. I hope this helps God Bless