Questions about raising son in largely non-Christian environment

[kdm1984]

Hello all,

Been a long time since I was here, and wasn't sure I'd ever look into the forums again -- but I'm running out of places to find broader Christian advice on things, so here I am again.

So anyway, my current situation is, I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I are very excited about having our son soon!

However, I do have questions about raising my son in a largely non-Christian environment.

For some background information, my husband isn't theistic. I met him at a time in 2004 when I wasn't in the faith (went through an agnostic phase). We nonetheless have had a very stable, happy, and monogamous relationship despite that crucial difference. We married in 2016. He has a good job working with computers, and is very reliable. He's about as noble an unbeliever as I can think of, and lives by some fair and objective principles -- but again, is nonetheless an unbeliever. So I'll be the only major example of Christianity my son will see in the family. My husband's family isn't religious.

As for my family, my mom passed away in 2018, so it's just my dad left. He lives a few cities away. My dad is a believer, but his faith is very...unorthodox. He believes people can be saved after they die (which is why he was totally fine with me marrying an unbeliever, incidentally). He says we shouldn't ever judge people, not even in a context of right from wrong (he's very morally relativistic this way). He doesn't like to talk about sin. He doesn't believe in an eternal hell. He likes and refers mostly just to the Bible passages about love and generosity, because those are his strengths. He rarely goes to church. He also used to really be into End Times prophecy and (incorrectly) predicting the end dates of the world, but he no longer does that, at least publicly. He doesn't think in terms of morality, or right and wrong, or principles and laws. He lives a lot for the adoration and praise of women. He unofficially adopted another woman younger than me, lives alone with her, and took her as an adoptive daughter, along with that woman's son, whom he refers to as his grandson. He does still acknowledge me, and he has gotten my impending son gifts, financial contributions, and showed up at my virtual baby shower -- but his primary focus now is on his other adoptive daughter, other women he cares for, his online girlfriend, and all the other women admirers he has. Not surprisingly, he has no Christian male influences in his life; the only men he hangs around are his work, and golfing and drinking, buddies. So I can't rely on him to be any kind of strong male spiritual influence for my own son.

I was wondering, how to raise a son in a largely non-Christian environment like this? Again, he will have male influences, who have some good traits -- but none are strong Christians. I think the only person he may ever encounter who could be like that is the pastor of a church, if he decides to attend church as he gets older.

 

[PloverWing]

Is your husband willing to let your son go with you to church when you attend? That might be a place where he can encounter other Christian friends and leaders -- not only the pastor, but Sunday School teachers, youth group leaders, and so on, as well as friends his own age.

 

[Sabertooth]

Welcome back.

Will you be a SAHM?

If so, it would be good (for both of you) to fill his day with Christian music & media; also colorful Bible verse posters.
A little radio preaching would be beneficial, too. (Too much might be boring.)

Bring him to church (and youth groups) as long as he is willing to go.
(Some churches have better children's ministries than others.)

Barry McGuire: Brainwashed

 

[kdm1984]

Husband is willing for son to go to church with me, if my son so decides.

I will be a SAHM, yes.

 

[Freth]

I don't have kids, but having been born and raised into a church, probably the best thing you can do is take him to church and let his experiences there plant seeds. If you want to raise him with Christian values, then it also has to start in your home. The question I would have is if your significant other is opposed to you raising him as a Christian or not (answered already, while I was writing this; above). This would be the main determining factor as to how you move forward, I would think. The example you set for him will have lasting impact in his life. My own mother raised us strict and Christian, which gave me a solid foundation for my own life. Your son will most likely seek his own path when he turns 18 and leaves the house, but a strong Christian upbringing will stay with him and he will come back to it, as long as you have not introduced anything negative into the mix. God bless!

 

[messianist]

If you a truly for God, then he must be your main focus in everything, through that he him self will guide you and lead and teach you in all areas .

This then would then lead to your son being raised in his image and his ways.

The only difficulty here is , if your husband is against his ways then you will have to choose between him or God.

sometimes in life we think it’s going good, married baby ect , but when we are truly following and things come up, that will put things like relationships to the test , the bottom line here is what path are you on .

I sincerely hope this works out for you.

 

[Tolworth John]

I was wondering, how to raise a son in a largely non-Christian environment like this? Again, he will have male influences, who have some good traits -- but none are strong Christians. I think the only person he may ever encounter who could be like that is the pastor of a church, if he decides to attend church as he gets older.

Do you belong to a church?
Because one of the christian examples your son will see are the male youth leaders and the other Christian Fathers, who will also be an influence upon your husband.

May I suggest that you start a pattern now of attending church as a family.
That is you and your husband attend together .

It is not just your child who needs a Christian education.

 

[disciple Clint]

Hello all,

Been a long time since I was here, and wasn't sure I'd ever look into the forums again -- but I'm running out of places to find broader Christian advice on things, so here I am again.

So anyway, my current situation is, I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I are very excited about having our son soon!

However, I do have questions about raising my son in a largely non-Christian environment.

For some background information, my husband isn't theistic. I met him at a time in 2004 when I wasn't in the faith (went through an agnostic phase). We nonetheless have had a very stable, happy, and monogamous relationship despite that crucial difference. We married in 2016. He has a good job working with computers, and is very reliable. He's about as noble an unbeliever as I can think of, and lives by some fair and objective principles -- but again, is nonetheless an unbeliever. So I'll be the only major example of Christianity my son will see in the family. My husband's family isn't religious.

As for my family, my mom passed away in 2018, so it's just my dad left. He lives a few cities away. My dad is a believer, but his faith is very...unorthodox. He believes people can be saved after they die (which is why he was totally fine with me marrying an unbeliever, incidentally). He says we shouldn't ever judge people, not even in a context of right from wrong (he's very morally relativistic this way). He doesn't like to talk about sin. He doesn't believe in an eternal hell. He likes and refers mostly just to the Bible passages about love and generosity, because those are his strengths. He rarely goes to church. He also used to really be into End Times prophecy and (incorrectly) predicting the end dates of the world, but he no longer does that, at least publicly. He doesn't think in terms of morality, or right and wrong, or principles and laws. He lives a lot for the adoration and praise of women. He unofficially adopted another woman younger than me, lives alone with her, and took her as an adoptive daughter, along with that woman's son, whom he refers to as his grandson. He does still acknowledge me, and he has gotten my impending son gifts, financial contributions, and showed up at my virtual baby shower -- but his primary focus now is on his other adoptive daughter, other women he cares for, his online girlfriend, and all the other women admirers he has. Not surprisingly, he has no Christian male influences in his life; the only men he hangs around are his work, and golfing and drinking, buddies. So I can't rely on him to be any kind of strong male spiritual influence for my own son.

I was wondering, how to raise a son in a largely non-Christian environment like this? Again, he will have male influences, who have some good traits -- but none are strong Christians. I think the only person he may ever encounter who could be like that is the pastor of a church, if he decides to attend church as he gets older.

I regret not sending my son to a Christian school, I had the funds to do so but I did not think it was that important. I was very wrong. Please consider a good Christian school when it comes time for school.

 

[Matt5]

Hello all,

Been a long time since I was here, and wasn't sure I'd ever look into the forums again -- but I'm running out of places to find broader Christian advice on things, so here I am again.

So anyway, my current situation is, I'm 35 weeks pregnant, and my husband and I are very excited about having our son soon!

However, I do have questions about raising my son in a largely non-Christian environment.

For some background information, my husband isn't theistic. I met him at a time in 2004 when I wasn't in the faith (went through an agnostic phase). We nonetheless have had a very stable, happy, and monogamous relationship despite that crucial difference. We married in 2016. He has a good job working with computers, and is very reliable. He's about as noble an unbeliever as I can think of, and lives by some fair and objective principles -- but again, is nonetheless an unbeliever. So I'll be the only major example of Christianity my son will see in the family. My husband's family isn't religious.

As for my family, my mom passed away in 2018, so it's just my dad left. He lives a few cities away. My dad is a believer, but his faith is very...unorthodox. He believes people can be saved after they die (which is why he was totally fine with me marrying an unbeliever, incidentally). He says we shouldn't ever judge people, not even in a context of right from wrong (he's very morally relativistic this way). He doesn't like to talk about sin. He doesn't believe in an eternal hell. He likes and refers mostly just to the Bible passages about love and generosity, because those are his strengths. He rarely goes to church. He also used to really be into End Times prophecy and (incorrectly) predicting the end dates of the world, but he no longer does that, at least publicly. He doesn't think in terms of morality, or right and wrong, or principles and laws. He lives a lot for the adoration and praise of women. He unofficially adopted another woman younger than me, lives alone with her, and took her as an adoptive daughter, along with that woman's son, whom he refers to as his grandson. He does still acknowledge me, and he has gotten my impending son gifts, financial contributions, and showed up at my virtual baby shower -- but his primary focus now is on his other adoptive daughter, other women he cares for, his online girlfriend, and all the other women admirers he has. Not surprisingly, he has no Christian male influences in his life; the only men he hangs around are his work, and golfing and drinking, buddies. So I can't rely on him to be any kind of strong male spiritual influence for my own son.

I was wondering, how to raise a son in a largely non-Christian environment like this? Again, he will have male influences, who have some good traits -- but none are strong Christians. I think the only person he may ever encounter who could be like that is the pastor of a church, if he decides to attend church as he gets older.

The biggest threat to your son will be the religion of equality, aka Church of Woke. Teach your son to reject equality.

 

[kdm1984]

I keep in mind 1 Peter 3 and 1 Corinthians 7 a lot. These passages indicate a wife isn't to 'choose between an unbelieving spouse and God' and thus leave her husband, or to change her husband's ways through words, but instead is to stay in the relationship and be a model of Christian conduct so that the spouse is won without a word.

I belong to WELS. They are the most conservative Lutheran church (theologically) in the United States.

I'm a complementarian, but my husband is more leftist and equality-oriented. I'm not sure how much a difference that makes as my dad is very much a Trump guy, but is theologically very liberal despite being politically conservative. Rejecting 'woke' doesn't indicate one is a devout believer. It just means a person votes Republican.

 

[Albion]

I belong to WELS. They are the most conservative Lutheran church (theologically) in the United States...I'm a complementarian, but my husband is more leftist and equality-oriented.

I'm not sure how much a difference that makes as my dad is very much a Trump guy, but is theologically very liberal despite being politically conservative. Rejecting 'woke' doesn't indicate one is a devout believer. It just means a person votes Republican.

All things considered, the influence of his various family members upon your son looks almost guaranteed to have the effect of sending him mixed messages.

To prevent that, you almost certainly have to change something there, one way or the other. I'm doubtful about the possible success of external forces such as parochial schooling, church attendance, and so on, unless what plays upon him at home is changed.

 

[Sketcher]

Given the options you have provided yourself, you need to pray:

• For your husband's salvation
• For your father's awakening
• For your son to make good friends with other boys that actually have strong Christian dads

 

[kdm1984]

Thanks for the feedback.

There definitely are mixed messages. If I've learned one thing in the last 5-10 years, it's that deeper doctrine and theology matters -- not just outward declarations of faith or political affiliation -- which is why I've been very diligent to study Scriptures, compare what's taught at church vs. at home, and observe effects of what's communicated in both spheres. (After all, if -- as my dad says -- that people can be saved after they die, and that hell isn't eternal, then what are the real consequences of sin, and how important is faith in this life? He has never thought this through very carefully, would rather remain ignorant and light-hearted and happy, and sadly refuses to consider these things in spite of the times I've brought them up...so yes, prayer for his awakening is important, as he doesn't see the consequences of what those beliefs has brought in life.)

It will be a challenge, but parenting this young one will also likely be the most meaningful outward endeavor of my life in addition to marriage, so I have to have faith in God that it will work out in spite of everything. There are also, admittedly, far worse situations out there in the world today -- at least my dad and husband are present, and care for me, despite weak faith (or lack thereof) -- so I'm grateful it's actually not any worse...but nonetheless, will still always need to pray and be on guard.

Thanks again.

 

[com7fy8]

So I'll be the only major example of Christianity my son will see in the family. My husband's family isn't religious.

So, you understand your son needs good example? Not just talk and telling him what to do? So, with your husband, too, God uses example.

Have you been reading and feeding on 1 Peter 3:1-4? Two things I see here are how a lady "without a word" can win her husband to Jesus. And part of her example is how she is gentle and quiet, pleasing to God in His love so she even is pleasing to Him like Jesus is so pleasing . . . growing in this

 

[kdm1984]

So, you understand your son needs good example? Not just talk and telling him what to do? So, with your husband, too, God uses example.

Have you been reading and feeding on 1 Peter 3:1-4? Two things I see here are how a lady "without a word" can win her husband to Jesus. And part of her example is how she is gentle and quiet, pleasing to God in His love so she even is pleasing to Him like Jesus is so pleasing . . . growing in this

I already mentioned 1 Peter 3 in post #10.

My husband actually has concern that I don't talk enough and am way too passive. I have the opposite problem most Western women have: I'm quite timid most of the time. I have some firm internal principles, but I don't talk or take action much. I write more than I speak. I've been fired in some past jobs for not saying or doing enough.

 

[com7fy8]

I already mentioned 1 Peter 3 in post #10.

I now think of this > Peter might not mean that you are not supposed to talk, but that we need to depend on how God is able, versus depending on using talk and arguing and persuasion to influence people.