Questions about dating?

[cakeman]

ok so, my girlfriend and i have been dating for almost 6 months and i just have a couple questions about what is right and not in God's eyes for a relationship.

1. what is appropriate and what isn't? (please explain a lot on your answer)
like is kissing or making out right or wrong stuff like that.

2. how to talk to her about saying like, "I can not kiss like that because it really turns me on" so basically setting up more boundaries and how i come about that.

 

[Luther073082]

ok so, my girlfriend and i have been dating for almost 6 months and i just have a couple questions about what is right and not in God's eyes for a relationship.

1. what is appropriate and what isn't? (please explain a lot on your answer)
like is kissing or making out right or wrong stuff like that.

First of all the limit is no sex, or anything that would be regarded as sex. Kissing is ok. Making out is pretty questionable and should perhaps be avoided.

2. how to talk to her about saying like, "I can not kiss like that because it really turns me on" so basically setting up more boundaries and how i come about that.

You should be completly honest with her. There are of course ways that you shouldn't kiss because it will cause you to lust. Not all kisses are sexual, I'm married and I can tell you my wife and I have non-sexual kisses and sexual kissing and there is area inbetween too.

Since you are dating you can kiss but its best to avoid anything that is sexual or inbetween.

Don't fall into the protestant fad (You are Lutheran and Lutherans should not consider themselves to be protestants.) of no kissing, no hand holding, no this or that til marriage. The only thing God really commands you wait on for marriage is sexuality. But there is a lot of affection, phyiscal affection that is not sexual in nature. And it is probably good to engage in that unless that form affection can turn things sexual for one or both of you.

Also expect waiting for marriage to be a struggle no matter what you do. I think a lot of people in new relationships are surprised just how much of a struggle that it is. Its not just you, everyone has to go through it. Don't make things harder on yourself, but don't think of any and every form of phyiscal affection from a sexual standpoint.

The real rule here is to follow God's commands and set your own boundries in what way will best help you to do that.

 

[The Nihilist]

A good rule of thumb is that you're not mature enough to do anything you feel like you have to ask the internet for permission for.

 

[dayhiker]

You realize you need to talk with her about it. So just bite the bullet and start the conversation. once you bring up the topic, the conversation will be easier. find where your actions switch from enjoying the closeness to something you'll feel guilty about and stop there.

 

[Stirleyyy]

A good rule of thumb is that you're not mature enough to do anything you feel like you have to ask the internet for permission for.

wrong.

 

[The Nihilist]

wrong.

Am I about to have maturity explained to me by a 21 year old?

 

[Stirleyyy]

Am I about to have maturity explained to me by a 21 year old?

if you were open to such things, maybe. But your not, so no.

 

[The Nihilist]

if you were open to such things, maybe. But your not, so no.

Well, then I'm happy for you that you have an opinion that is different from mine.

 

[pleoavce]

Well, My boyfriend and I have set boundaries.
We agree to only holding hands and pecking...no touching below the waist, chest, or french kissing. We want to remain pure until we are married so we set these boundaries. Anything that can incite the feelings of lust, or desire we stay away from

 

[The Nihilist]

Well, My boyfriend and I have set boundaries.
We agree to only holding hands and pecking...no touching below the waist, chest, or french kissing. We want to remain pure until we are married so we set these boundaries. Anything that can incite the feelings of lust, or desire we stay away from

How old are you?

 

[ChildofGod19]

what if my boyfriend is opinionated on everything?

 

[Moonshiner]

ok so, my girlfriend and i have been dating for almost 6 months and i just have a couple questions about what is right and not in God's eyes for a relationship.

1. what is appropriate and what isn't? (please explain a lot on your answer)
like is kissing or making out right or wrong stuff like that.

2. how to talk to her about saying like, "I can not kiss like that because it really turns me on" so basically setting up more boundaries and how i come about that.

Kisses are all different.
The bible talks about 'greet each other with a holy kiss' and that should tell you some other kisses ain't holy.
A peck on the cheek is fine,anything else is definitely a no no no.
Also 'it is good for a man not to touch a woman'.
These things are not exactly sins but weights that can make your Christian journey a very rough one. The bible talks about laying away the sin and the weight that trips us down.These lead to lust and lust leads to sin and sin leads to death.This is why in Songs of Songs the writer is asking the women of Jerusalem not to arise his love before it pleases. You will start operating in the flesh which is the devil's dominion and there you have no match with him,it will be defeat after defeat.Basically just be Holy.Many people try to be in the world as much as they can while still being in church.It doesn't work that way.
Put it this way,the body is not for fornication.Your girlfriend's body is not yours but God's.As such don't start enjoying her yet.When you get married,her body belongs to you and yours to her but till then keep your hands to yourself.

 

[The Nihilist]

Kisses are all different.
The bible talks about 'greet each other with a holy kiss' and that should tell you some other kisses ain't holy.
A peck on the cheek is fine,anything else is definitely a no no no.
Also 'it is good for a man not to touch a woman'.
These things are not exactly sins but weights that can make your Christian journey a very rough one. The bible talks about laying away the sin and the weight that trips us down.These lead to lust and lust leads to sin and sin leads to death.This is why in Songs of Songs the writer is asking the women of Jerusalem not to arise his love before it pleases. You will start operating in the flesh which is the devil's dominion and there you have no match with him,it will be defeat after defeat.Basically just be Holy.Many people try to be in the world as much as they can while still being in church.It doesn't work that way.
Put it this way,the body is not for fornication.Your girlfriend's body is not yours but God's.As such don't start enjoying her yet.When you get married,her body belongs to you and yours to her but till then keep your hands to yourself.

You give terrible relationship advice

 

[Moonshiner]

You give terrible relationship advice

I'm not really bothered about what non believers think. I'm sure there are many circular forums where people can give each other advice on how to fornicate and you are free to go and get that 'good advice'.

 

[The Nihilist]

I'm not really bothered about what non believers think. I'm sure there are many circular forums where people can give each other advice on how to fornicate and you are free to go and get that 'good advice'.

Circular? Hahaha, did you mean secular?
But the reason your advice is terrible is that a lot of those magical things that happen when people fall in love have to do with kissing. Here, have a study: Pucker Up! What Science Is Discovering About Why We Kiss - US News and World Report

If you're at least progressive enough to think that marriages should be about love and shouldn't simply be arranged by the families, then things like this are going to be important for a long lasting relationship. Of course, ignoring these kinds of things may be why evangelicals have a higher divorce rate than we circular atheists.
Source: U.S. divorce rates: for various faith groups, age groups and geographical areas

 

[The Nihilist]

what if my boyfriend is opinionated on everything?

Then you will get tired of him and probably get a different one