For the past weeks now, I've been questioning my faith A LOT. I question if I really am a born again Christian. Since 2014 hit, I had more down days than up days, my emotions were a mess, as of now, my emotions are fine, I don't feel sad nor happy, I just feel really doubtful. I look back on the "relationship" that I had, long distance one, a 19 year old guy from the UK, we both became born again Christians around the same time, during that "relationship", I "cheated" on him, twice. A Christian doesn't do that, however, I did, of course I told him, he got upset, really upset and of course I don't blame him for it, after that, I stopped flirting, by the way, the reason I put quotations around the words "relationship" and "cheated" is because he said to me before he left me that he's not my boyfriend nor husband, so of course that made me upset, why did he treat me so special and he said because he wanted to show me how not all men are the same and that I am his best friend and only friend, which I think that only friend part is a lie.
I'm not going to lie, did I enjoy the way he treated me, yes. As of now, I'm trying to not carry all the guilt for why he left me, however, looking back, like he said, I was cold, could have been more loving, caring, I took my anger out on him, I will accuse him of doing things, even though like he will always say when we were talking, I cheated, I flirted, yet I still accuse him of things, but in all, because of my actions, I've started to doubt my faith, I'm confused on masturbation being a sin or not, I haven't been feeling God in weeks, I did things, pray, read the Bible, praise God etc and still nothing, I know my relationship with God isn't always going to be like that first honeymoon stage. I question if God would forgive me for the way I have behaved in the relationship I was in, a week before he left, he said how we're best friends and I wasn't feeling okay with that, I started to behave in a way to push him away from me so I don't have to deal with pain of him being with someone else, he said how this relationship is preparing me, however, I don't think it was preparing me for anything, in my eyes I believed he benefited more from it than I did, after that week, he left.
I don't know what God is doing in my life, I don't know if I really am born again, not feeling God isn't a great things, I struggle to come to terms for if masturbation really is a sin or is it not a sin, I still try to be like Jesus, however, I haven't prayed in weeks, I read the Bible today because I know it's a good thing to do, so I did it.
This was more of a rant, I don't have any friends, not that I mind, however this was a moment when I needed to rant off feelings or whatever.
Which is why my nickname is tiptoeing Christian, I question A LOT.
He also said how even if it was a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, that I'm not ready for one because I'm damaged by past pain relationship.
That only God can heal those wounds.
I'm not going to lie, did I enjoy the way he treated me, yes. As of now, I'm trying to not carry all the guilt for why he left me, however, looking back, like he said, I was cold, could have been more loving, caring, I took my anger out on him, I will accuse him of doing things, even though like he will always say when we were talking, I cheated, I flirted, yet I still accuse him of things, but in all, because of my actions, I've started to doubt my faith, I'm confused on masturbation being a sin or not, I haven't been feeling God in weeks, I did things, pray, read the Bible, praise God etc and still nothing, I know my relationship with God isn't always going to be like that first honeymoon stage. I question if God would forgive me for the way I have behaved in the relationship I was in, a week before he left, he said how we're best friends and I wasn't feeling okay with that, I started to behave in a way to push him away from me so I don't have to deal with pain of him being with someone else, he said how this relationship is preparing me, however, I don't think it was preparing me for anything, in my eyes I believed he benefited more from it than I did, after that week, he left.
I don't know what God is doing in my life, I don't know if I really am born again, not feeling God isn't a great things, I struggle to come to terms for if masturbation really is a sin or is it not a sin, I still try to be like Jesus, however, I haven't prayed in weeks, I read the Bible today because I know it's a good thing to do, so I did it.
This was more of a rant, I don't have any friends, not that I mind, however this was a moment when I needed to rant off feelings or whatever.
Which is why my nickname is tiptoeing Christian, I question A LOT.
He also said how even if it was a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship, that I'm not ready for one because I'm damaged by past pain relationship.
That only God can heal those wounds.
Last edited:
You are right in saying that only God can heal you; I will be praying for you.
