Question:

[Susan]

Must the so-called "breadwinner" and the head of the household be the same person? Or is that just cultural?

More to the point I am asking if it is Scripturally allowable in some situations (illness, unemployment) for a wife to work and to be the primary source of money if she is the person that has a higher chance of getting and keeping a steady income.

I am not married yet, however I'm asking this because I was once told somewhere that a woman should not even consider a relationship with a man who is not financially stable and able to support both, and that a man cannot be head of the house as Scripturally mandated without being the financial provider.

That may be sound advice, but I am seriously questioning it because some things are more important than money. . .

   

 

[Susan]

EEEK OOPS!

 

[Susan]

IOW, the top options should have been no, it's not wrong, and the bottom, yes it is

 

The poll mistake has been corrected. Thank you AngelAmidala!

 

[Susan]

OOPS

 

[AngelAmidala]

All fixed!

Hope that's the way you wanted it.

 

[Susan]

Yes it is! Thank you very much!

 

[Susan]

Now it makes sense.

Now all I need are some answers. . .

 

[AngelAmidala]

Alright...glad the poll is the way you want it and the title is the way it should be the way the poll questions have been asked. 

 

[Susan]

-bump-

 

[EJO]

Here is an answer for you. At least mine...
I'll give you a little back ground.
I am married with 4 kids.
Both my wife and I were raised in lower income families. and we our selves are considered lower income families. That does not mean that I am not the breadwinner. I am the only one who works, and my wife homeschools, and raises our kids. We decided to do this BEFORE we had any kids, and put it into action this plan so it would not be such a crunch when we did have kids.
The wife(generally) is the person of the household that is the nurturer of the family, and kids. She is the support system that keeps things well oiled. It is mainly how she is wired. There are of course differences with each family, but this is the norm.
There is a verse- not sure where it is, it says that a man who does not provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever. That is pretty intense. I beleive that the word provide in there is not just financial provition, but also physical, emotional, spiritual. There is a huge security when the husband is there for his family.

 

[VOW]

Financial stability TODAY doesn't necessarily last until tomorrow. Look at Enron!

Health today doesn't mean health tomorrow.

My husband was off work for two years with an on-the-job disability. If I hadn't had a career, we would have been on the streets.

There are many more factors to consider than the size, or the potential size of a person's pocketbook.


Peace,
~VOW

 

[SnuP]

EJO it sound's like you are discribing my family.

Susan if you wait for a man that is finacially stable, you will be waiting along while. And you'll probably marry the wrong guy. Marry a man who will be a priest of his household, not a money machine. Marry a man who will love God and then love you, and not try to change you or God, but will support you and will be commited to you. Just marry the man that God has chosen for you, the right man.

 

[Susan]

I'm not referring to a "bum" who WILL NOT work, for I wouldn't consider someone living in sin like that.

I am referring to the case of a person who can not work or would have a very hard time being hired and keeping a job due to factors beyond anyone's control but that of God.

There is a huge difference between the two. For example, let's say I asked you to close a simple, ordinary door. If you simply say "I won't" or "I don't want to" and walk away, you would be being the example of someone who will not work.

However, let's say that the door in the example is now a large metal door of the sort used on bank vaults, and my instruction is for you to close it using only the tip of your nose without leaning into the door. It's impossible or highly improbable that any normal human being could do that. If you tried, you would be the example of someone who can not work because your imposed "handicap" would keep you from ever closing that door.

I hope you see what I'm trying to explain.

 

[wildernesse]

The verse is 1 Timothy 5:8 If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (NIV)

How many of you are providing for those outside of your immediate family?

I think that it would be hard to predict someone being financially stable because there are so many factors that determine the stability of being "well-off". What is "well-off" and stable enough? I don't think that there is anything in the Bible that says you must pick someone who is financially stable--or anything that says marry someone with no control over his spending/investment habits!

--tibac

 

[Andrew]

1Ti 5:8* But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.

not so much a matter of right or wrong but foolishness. eg marrying a man who is not a Christian when u already know that Jesus warned us not to be unequally yoked

 

[Susan]

Let me get this clear, Andrew: are you saying that someone who cannot work or obtain money (not *will* not, I made this distinction earlier) is a non-Christian?

I would never marry a non-Christian, but I do not define non-Christian or even being a sign of being non-Christian as a "lack of money imposed by external factors beyond anyone other than God's control."

I would define a sign of a non-Christian according to that verse as someone who outright REFUSES to get a job and support everyone when he is perfectly capable of doing so, or someone who wastes money foolishly.

 

[Susan]

I would also like to state the reverse of VOW's statement, which is also true:

Financial instability doesn't necessarily last until tomorrow. Many rich and upper-middle class started out without much cash. Look at Bill Gates or Sam Walton at my age for an example.

Sickness today doesn't mean sickness tomorrow. Some people are miraculously healed, some people are healed through God's use of doctors and medicine, and some people's illnesses moderate, change, or become less bothersome over time or are not always a problem.

 

[Andrew]

quote:"Let me get this clear, Andrew: are you saying that someone who cannot work or obtain money (not *will* not, I made this distinction earlier) is a non-Christian?"

No, Susan, u did not read my post carefully. I said it wld be foolish of you to marry someone who cannot provide for the family becos you now know abt 1 Tim 5:8. But if this man is sincerely trying to get a job/upgrade himself/wants to work hard etc that's fine and good. But if he has an attitude of being lazy, doesnt wanna work or try to get work, is a sponge (lives off women), etc, then forget him.

 

[wildernesse]

There's a difference between financial stability and not having much cash.

You can be perfectly stable and not have a lot of money! Having just enough to meet ends every month, month after month, is stable. Having a whole lot of cash one month, that you blow on candy and shoes, and then getting a whole lot of cash the next that you blow on movie tickets and pop rocks is not stable.

If I had a choice between someone who had just enough to get by on every month but paid the bills, and someone who had a whole lot of money but no sense--then I'd definitely pick the one with a little money and some sense. Money doesn't make someone financially stable--they could be people who make rash investments, have no savings, go for style over substance, can't plan ahead, etc. Those things contribute a lot more to instability than someone who has $25 at the end of the month, and it goes in the bank as opposed to buying the lastest fashion magazine. (As someone addicted to fashion magazines and news magazines, I know how hard it is to pass up those shiny books at the grocery aisle. <groan>)

--tibac

 

[EJO]

The other large factor in the whole picture, is that God allows things to happen in your life. If you are "financially sound" one day, what will happen tomorrow? Or the reverse. What ever happens, I will still worship God, can you say Job?
I learned early in my life that everything that happens in my life, has been filtered through The Fathers loving caring fingers through to me. He has allowed it, or ordained it. It does not matter, He is in contol. Are you going to allow that to dictate how you live day to day?
That thought life will build your faith, and your grip on the things of this world , and it's supposed securities will become more and more loose, and you will rely more on God.
If you end up having to be the bread winner because you husband can not- becase of what ever reason. So be it, trust in God, maybe God allowed that to happen in your life so that you WOULD trust in Him more.

God Bless