question

[prsawyer]

i met a guy in college and he approached me first and went out of his way for me to notice him. he asked me a lot of personal questions like if i'm married , bf want children and what my plans are after college which he asked more than once. he would flirt by smiling and winking with his face always lit up and he would stare at me a lot on campus, he would do this at school where people could see. he always wanted to know what i did over the weekends. he would always let me know where and when his next class was. i would ask him what he did over the holidays and he said spent them alone does not get to spend holidays much. ok the problem is i found out from someone that he is married. the guy works a 3rd shift 30 hrs and takes 16-20 hrs at school from morning to afternoon then sleeps noon til evening and spends time with his guy friends by hanging out. so he does not spend much time at home and he lives with his parents which i know can be hard. he lives in a new area which at one time he lived alone, which i think is strange but he does not live alone now. but this guy never push me into anything like most married men would do to a single woman . he did hint that he was interested by hinting lunch or hang out like for coffee but our school/ work schedule were different. so why would a guy act this way towards me could it be that he is unhappy at home cause everybody at school said the way he acted that he liked me and even with his friends around this guy would flirt with me and they would asked me questions like if i was involved with someone. i 'm just afraid now to talk to him i ignore him but since i want talk with he just stares and tries to get my attention and looks very sad like he 's sorry. he acted like he wanted to say something and just could not say it when i would ask he looked like he was about to cry it just really hurts at first i was very angry but now i do not know what to do. i do not beleive in breaking up someones marriage cause if he's unhappy then they should work things out and turn to God. please pray for me.

 

[Sketcher]

I think you answered your own question. Being that direct that soon gives his motives away. He's going after you, and he may well be unhappy, but he does need to settle for his own wife and family.

 

[fishstix]

It does sound like the guy is planning to or is already cheating on his wife. If you do happen to talk with him, be sure to ask him how his wife is so that he'll know that you are on to him. Of course he may lie and say that he has no wife or he may still keep trying to flirt, so cutting him off completely may be the kindest thing that you can do for him.

 

[Brittany108]

Why don't you just ask him if he is married? Or better yet say 'hey, I hear you're married...do you have any children?' That way he'll know that you are very aware of his marital status.

Truth of the matter is that the semester is about to end & unless he is in your major you probably don't have to worry about having him in any of your other classes. So if the situation makes you uncomfortable just ignore him.

Also, while it does sound as though perhaps he is hitting on you, perhaps he is just a friendly guy. Is he your age? Perhaps he feels like he can relate better to you than someone who just got out of high school. The husband of a couple I babysit for is very much a flirt. If someone were to watch him interact with me they would probably think he was hitting on me. However, since I've known him for a couple of years I know he is just a big tease & he is like that with everyone -- he wouldn't consider himself to be flirting. He is just a goofball.

Just wanted to give you a different perspective! I'll be praying for you, because I know it is hard to not know what someone's true intentions are.

 

[prsawyer]

i'm afraid to ask, but his/ mine major about the same and might have a class together. him being overly friendly or just a flirt maybe be true but the persoal questions their was just too many of these type of questions being asked. also i have guy/ girls who are my friends at school and this guy does not know all of my friends and they would spy to see how he acted towards girls and he was not a big flirt. i would spy on him when he knew i was not around and i never saw him flirt or be overly friendly towards other girls just talk by saying hello. this guy would hint to me since i go to thw chriopractor that he would adjust my back so. this guy acted like he wanted to tell me something but could get the words out and looked like he was about to cry. i have not spoken to him since i found out i recently saw him from a distant and he just stared and looked very sad like he was sorry. i beleive that he is unhappy at home but i hope they work things out and yeah the intentions thing. yes sometimes we never know but with this guy i feel like and most people at school felt like he liked me cause from day one meeting him all he would ever just stare at me and at times i would catch this guy looking he could not take his eyes off at me and i would ask whats wrong and he would just smile and wink at me. so i feel he wanted to be more than friends but i just hope he gets his life straighten out i mean even if he was going thru a divorce or thinking about it would have to be due to unhappiness or growing apart. but even with that i would not consider that cause i do not know if i could ever trust him or ever think of him as a friend but i do give him credit for not taken it futher. i'm trying to forgiving i am not as mad at him and i do feel in given people a second chance and maybe sometime we can be friends but not too close just someone to talk with at school. thanks and i know that God has someone out there for me i just feel heartbroken cause i started have strong feeling for this guy other than friends i these feelings can not go away overnight but their not as strong. but i just feel lonely and wish God would send me a guy into my life that he wants me to be with.

 

[white dove]

...and i know that God has someone out there for me i just feel heartbroken cause i started have strong feeling for this guy other than friends i these feelings can not go away overnight but their not as strong. but i just feel lonely and wish God would send me a guy into my life that he wants me to be with.

awww... I know exactly how that feels, prsawyer...
but please keep in mind that when it comes to married ppl & infidelities, it is a lose/lose situation. Though you may have feelings for him right now, please know that you can & will do better than this guy....the man that God has for you is not someone who will challenge your ideals & beliefs this way...he is well worth the wait & your relationship will come in perfect (i.e. God's) timing

be strong, sister

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Big red light!
If anything this guy is not being intelligent about things. Therefore you should not wait for him to do so. Just flat tell this guy to go away.
I am married and went to a school with a 6 girls/1 guy ratio. I never behaved this way to any girl. I would never ask a girl to go get coffee or anything. I definitely did not lie about my living arrangements and marital status.
This guy is bad news.

 

[prsawyer]

now the problem is the person who told me the guy is married she is bipolar which i know people have problems in life but she has lied about things to other people at school and i do not know much about her and she is not one of my close friends either. and this guy never told me he is married but he does stare at me and looks very unhappy/ depressed since i have kept my distant from him. so if he is married would someone look sad / miserable when he should feel free or is it that he is very well unhappy with his life and is having problems at home. cause he never took it too far like married men do he was a real gentleman to me. but one of my friends is going to ask him if he is married so that i will know for sure. i just do not know if i should talk with this guy it's just he looks so down ever since i keep my distant from him but i do acknowledge he is there and he acknowledege's me so if he is married why does he act like this.

 

[Sketcher]

Even if he isn't married, he'd be looking to you to solve his problems, and you don't need that. You will not satisfy him (because only God can) and even if you got together, the charm would wear off and he'd look for another woman. Furthermore, how do you know this bipolar woman lied to you? You don't. Stay the course.

 

[TJMan2050]

Tough questions, it seems like what you should first do is find out for sure whether he is married or not, and if he is not well be careful anyways in case he was lying or the like. If he is, pray for him maybe he is having difficulties with his wife or something, and he's just making the wrong decisions, I don't know if I would recommend trying to help him through it since you are a girl and it seems as though he is interested, so it would in some ways make it harder for him. Anyways, but the best thing to do in my opinion is to pray for him, and if he's not married, well be friends and find out what kind of person he is and trust God, and follow his will. The most important thing is to Trust God and take things slowly, don't do anything rash, and make sure you know what's going on before you do anything about it one way or the other. And yes there is someone out there for you, and God will lead the way when the time comes. God bless...

 

[Glorianna]

I will be praying for you, him, and his family.

 

[prsawyer]

thank you for the advice from everyone thank you for praying for me and this guy. God Bless

 

[hollymarie1122]

prsawyer, did you ever find out if he was married or not? If not I don't think he has done anything wrong, maybe he is sad because he thinks he offended you or something since you aren't talking to him anymore. I think you owe it to him and to yourself to find out the truth before jumping to concludions about his life! Good luck and God bless you I sugest praying about it, even if he is not the one, maybe is meant to be a good friend, or even someone you are suppose to minister to!

 

[prsawyer]

no i go back to school in a few weeks but i may not ever see this guy again it's just so hard because this guy is so nice and polite to everyone at school and he does not use any pick up lines or flirt with a lot of girls neither does he have the attitude like men who are players. no this guy was himself when he approached me. yes i do want to know the truth i'm just so confused and i do pray about it i just thought this guy i like though i could be friends first from day one when we met i prayed and ask God for his guidance in the reason of our meeting and too when i met this guy i was not looking it just happened. which i did pray and ask God to send the right guy that God wants me to have in my life which i do not know if this means anything weeks or month later this guy started noticing me before we just passed each other on campus and never spoke. thank you for the advice and the prayers.

 

[prsawyer]

i started school today and the guy i know is not attending this semester i feel so and lonley cause i really do like this guy and i know maybe he wanted to take a break also he was in the military and he has not finished his term for that. all i wanted to find out if he is married or not and i just wanted to start out as friends but i know if this was not God's will for me and this guy then i will have to accept that. i just wish once i could met someone and start a relationship with you know get to know someone i will miss this guy and i know God will ease my pain that i have right now. please pray for cause i'm hurting right now.

 

[MetalBlade]

sounds to me like he is a nut job. I would stay away from him, but that is me. I am a very paranoid person. I had some guy come onto me at college, almost similiar to your situation, but he wasn't married. I told him I liked girls, and I never seen him again. heh.

 

[JPPT1974]

I am a very parnoid person as well as I would stay away from someone like that because it could cost you something worse.