Question regarding marriage.

[Matthias]

Hi everyone,

Being that I am converting to Greek Orthodoxy in 2004, I have a question I am hoping someone can help with.

How does the Greek Orthodox Church view inter-religious marriages? Is it alright for an Orthodox to marry a non-Orthodox? Is it alright if I were to marry a Lutheran for example, upon being baptised as an Orthodox?

Or upon meeting a female, should I make sure she is Orthodox upon deciding to date her? I am aware Orthodoxy and Roman Catholicism are both very similar, so how does the Greek Orthodox Church view a Orthodox marrying a Roman Catholic?

The way I feel is that I strongly only want to marry a Catholic or an Orthodox girl, however doesn't this close the door on some great females if I judge them on their religion and not personality?

What if upon meeting a girl whom I like, we discuss religions, and she tells me she is into witchcraft or is a non-Christian? Do I date her and ask her to marry me based on her wonderful and caring personality? Or do I not date her because she isn't a Christian, or even an Orthodox?

Any input is appreciated! I am aware that Roman Catholicism prefers Catholic to Catholic marriages, but I don't know. Part of me thinks judging a girl on their religion is wrong, but part of me also wants to marry someone who shares the same religious beliefs as me.

As I said, any help or advice is appreciated!

Thank you,

Matthew Sheehan.

 

[Peter]

If you choose to marry outside Orthodoxy, you will not be allowed to be married in the church or by your priest. This much I know. Others with better understanding are sure to reply.

Peace.

Peter

 

[Philip]

I think it may depend on your jurisdiction.

Certainly, the Church would not accept a marriage with someone who has not been baptized. Marriage is a Sacred Mystery and can not occur before the Mystery of Baptism. I think I remember reading that an Orthodox may marry a non-Orthodox within the Church if the it is agreed that the children will be raised Orthodox.

Of course, you should discuss this with your spiritual father.

 

[Maximus]

Husbands and wives find enough to argue about without adding religious differences into the equation.

I voted that an Orthodox Christian should only marry another Orthodox Christian.

I almost voted for the Roman Catholic ladies, though!

At least there is some common ground there, if one cannot find an Orthodox girl.

 

[Philip]

I voted that an Orthodox Christian should only marry another Orthodox Christian.

Just to clarify, is this your opinion or the teaching of the Church? I'm not challenging it, just want to be sure I am reading it correctly.

I almost voted for the Roman Catholic ladies, though!

At least there is some common ground there, if one cannot find an Orthodox girl.

Of course, some of us did not know to look for an Orthodox girl.

 

[Reader Nilus]

It was my understanding if the non-Orthodox party in marriage is a Christian baptized in the Name of the Most Holy Trinity then they could marry, but it has to be done in an Orthodox Temple. It has been my observation that single Orthodox women are rare.
Jeff the Finn

 

[Matrona]

Although I'm aware that the restriction changes by jurisdiction, I believe the most liberal is that you can only marry a Christian baptized in the name of the Holy Trinity, so long as the children are raised Orthodox.

In my opinion, however, one spouse remaining non-Orthodox while the children are raised Orthodox would kind of make a marriage out of balance. Not only that, but having an Orthodox wedding and raising the children Orthodox would put that person in the doghouse in their own religion. So that is why I voted that Orthodox should marry other Orthodox, unless the other is willing to convert of his/her own accord, not just so that they can get married. JMHO.

 

[Photini]

I vote Orthodox should only marry Orthodox.
My godmother is undergoing a huge struggle with her husband, who is a Baptist. She is pretty sure this is going to end up in divorce.
I make pretty regular visits to a Greek monastery. The subject has come up on a couple of occassions...every heiromonk that I've talked to sternly warns against marrying someone outside of Orthodoxy. The differences came become a great temptation. I'm not sure what the "official" position of the Church is though.

 

[brewmama]

I vote Orthodox should only marry Orthodox.
My godmother is undergoing a huge struggle with her husband, who is a Baptist. She is pretty sure this is going to end up in divorce.
I make pretty regular visits to a Greek monastery. The subject has come up on a couple of occassions...every heiromonk that I've talked to sternly warns against marrying someone outside of Orthodoxy. The differences came become a great temptation. I'm not sure what the "official" position of the Church is though.

I too have this problem, as my husband is not Christian (I converted after marriage). My children are being raised Orthodox, but it is quite hard when the father is not involved, and studies have shown that mothers taking their children to church alone produces a low incidence of children remaining in the church (there was no specific church in the study). Fathers taking them alone however, had much better results, astonishing in fact. So maybe that is reassuring to you.

 

[Philip]

Fathers taking them alone however, had much better results, astonishing in fact.

Interesting. Wonder why.

 

[Matthias]

Wow, thanks for your wonderful responses, I couldn't have wished for more detailed replies, so thanks!

The problem here in New Zealand is that according to my regular talks with Fr. Ambrose, who is an Orthodox priest here in New Zealand, he says I would be the only English speaking Orthodox in New Zealand! (Wow, I might get on the news, LOL!).

I am not sure if that's slight exaggeration or not, but he says all Orthodox churches of New Zealand, whether they are Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, etc, speak their own language, and very very very few, if any, clergy throughout the Orthodox churches of New Zealand would know English.

I kinda think I will feel left out, which is the ONLY thing not making me 100% sure on converting - the fact English is not spoken at any Orthodox services in New Zealand, and the fact that according to him, I'd be the only English speaking Orthodox in New Zealand. Also, all churches have their own communities, Greek, Russian, etc, and me being a lil ol' English speaking New Zealander makes me feel that I'd be left out...

So, that's the main problem with me marrying an Orthodox which I'd ideally like to do - the fact that none of them speak very good English, if any at all!

Any ideas?

 

[Philip]

I am not sure if that's slight exaggeration or not, but he says all Orthodox churches of New Zealand, whether they are Greek Orthodox, Russian Orthodox, etc, speak their own language, and very very very few, if any, clergy throughout the Orthodox churches of New Zealand would know English.

It was once that way here in the US. It takes a generation or two for it to switch over. 'course, that doesn't help you much.

So, that's the main problem with me marrying an Orthodox which I'd ideally like to do - the fact that none of them speak very good English, if any at all!

Any ideas?

 

[Photini]

Fathers taking them alone however, had much better results, astonishing in fact. So maybe that is reassuring to you.

Hm. Not really reassuring...I'm a single (divorced) mother of two (and hoping to remain single). I have an 8 year-old son and a 5 year-old daughter. Someone told me once, that my daughter will probably learn more by watching her older brother, than what I could teach her. I don't know what they meant by that exactly, but in ways I think there's a certain amount of truth to it.
After their Baptisms (Sept 28th), my son (his name will be Seraphim) will start serving in the altar. Words cannot express my joy at the very thought of this...

 

[Alfred M]

Speaking of marriage in the Orthodox Church...it would be hard to pick a more complex issue to discuss. In the book "The Orthodox Church:455 Questions and Answers", (by Fr Stanley Harakas) the section with the most questions regarded marriage.

The best answer is always to contact your parish priest or spiritual father when questions like this come up. That said, what I have learned is just as Peter stated above. The Church would prefer that Orthodox marry Orthodox within the CHurch to maintain the fulness of communion. This is not to say that individual parishes have not received permission from thier Bishop for different activities regarding marriage of Orthodox to another baptized Christian in the Church.

Father Stanley Harakas' book says on the subject the following;

"Generally speaking, the practice of the Church is that Orthodox Christians must be married in the Orthodox Church through the Church's sacrament of matrimony, if they marry. Should an Orthodox Christian marry outside the Church, the Church considers this person as having separated him or herself from full communion with the Church. Consequently, persons who marry outside the Church may not properly receive communion in the Church until their marriage has been incorporated into the life of the Church through the sacrament. Such 'blessings' can be easily arranged with the parish priest, without publicity, so long as the non-Orthodox partner is a baptized Christian."

Hope I didn't over do it with this info. (I tend to ramble)

In the love of our Saviour,

Alfred

 

[Matrona]

Well, Matthias, some of us single English-speaking Orthodox girls will have to move to New Zealand and see about youuuu....

I am twenty years old and I want to marry within the church, so I am really on the prowl for a Nice Orthodox Boy.

I can really relate to what you said about being "alone in the church". Although, thank heaven, I have a few friends in the church, I converted by myself as a college student. My family is from the deeeeeep south and they still think I'm Catholic. They can't relate to me or my beliefs. And there are so few Orthodox in this country, I don't know how I'm going to find someone to start a family of my own with. I knew before converting that it would likely alienate me from some people, but I honestly, truly felt called to become Orthodox, and if being a little lonely was the price I had to pay, I had to let the chips fall where they would.

Hey, SOMEBODY has to be the first! Maybe there's a nice girl who's thinking about becoming Orthodox but is hesitant because she's afraid she won't find a nice Orthodox boy! Good luck!

 

[Matthias]

Haha, you are exactly right, someone has to be the second English speaking Orthodox in New Zealand. I just hope they become Orthodox before I turn 99! Oh well, now is a good time to start learning Greek or Russian, I guess! Anyone willing to give me lessons?

 

[Maximus]

Just to clarify, is this your opinion or the teaching of the Church? I'm not challenging it, just want to be sure I am reading it correctly.
Of course, some of us did not know to look for an Orthodox girl.

I was expressing my opinion, although I do believe that it is the teaching of the Church that Orthodox should marry only other Orthodox. I can't offer any canons or anything like that on the issue right now.

I did not know to look for an Orthodox girl, either; I was a Lutheran when God led me to mine. Honestly, she was part of the reason I began taking a closer look at Orthodoxy.

 

[ChristianOrthodox]

The problem here in New Zealand is that according to my regular talks with Fr. Ambrose, who is an Orthodox priest here in New Zealand, he says I would be the only English speaking Orthodox in New Zealand!

if you dont mind going to Australia, there is a large and active Coptic Orthodox community that has many services in English....

http://www.melbcopts.org/

this is the link to the diocese that extends out to New Zealand