Question for the ladies

[Gnarwhal]

I'm going to propose to my girlfriend in two weeks, and she has some sense that it's coming, in large part because I've let some details slip. A couple on purpose to take her temperature and a couple on accident due to some good wine.

Talking to her tonight she mentioned that she felt like she knew too much and it was giving her anxiety. She feels like in some way I'm expecting her to assist/participate/facilitate certain steps (i.e. my sitting down with her kids and talking to them about my intentions and asking for their blessing, as well as asking for her father's blessing). I understand how she feels and I mean to keep a tight lip on the matter from now until the day.

I'm not looking for input on our timeline or anything, we're older and don't need as much time to figure out what we're looking for, but I am wondering if any women on here would be willing to share what your thoughts and emotions were like in the days and weeks leading up to your boyfriend/fiancé's proposal. I'm just curious if perhaps her anxiety and such is normal?

Thanks in advance.

 

[mama2one]

error

 

[Lost4words]

Happens to me on a weekly basis when i am out in the park!

I only get anxious just in case i actually end up getting married! Nooooooooo!

 

[Astrid]

".....so I woke up in Vegas wondering
who the heck I married this time. "

 

[Astrid]

I'm going to propose to my girlfriend in two weeks, and she has some sense that it's coming, in large part because I've let some details slip. A couple on purpose to take her temperature and a couple on accident due to some good wine.

Talking to her tonight she mentioned that she felt like she knew too much and it was giving her anxiety. She feels like in some way I'm expecting her to assist/participate/facilitate certain steps (i.e. my sitting down with her kids and talking to them about my intentions and asking for their blessing, as well as asking for her father's blessing). I understand how she feels and I mean to keep a tight lip on the matter from now until the day.

I'm not looking for input on our timeline or anything, we're older and don't need as much time to figure out what we're looking for, but I am wondering if any women on here would be willing to share what your thoughts and emotions were like in the days and weeks leading up to your boyfriend/fiancé's proposal. I'm just curious if perhaps her anxiety and such is normal?

Thanks in advance.

I think I would be some annoyed with the
artificialiality of a planned "surprise" ceremony.
And dragging out the wait would give me hives.

Discuss it, for goodness sake! Getting married is no
place for a surprise.

But then you are not marrying me, her
attitude may vary.

 

[Elliewaves]

We talked about it and knew we wanted to marry so I was excited. I definitely didn't have any negative or anxious emotions about it. I guess if someone hates surprises , it would make them anxious though. I know a lot of people that just hate the not knowing even though they do know something is coming. I spent some time within a Christian college and couples were getting engaged left and right. Some girls WERE anxious and upset for the proposal that they knew was coming. They put a lot of pressure on the situation and fiancee because they wanted it to be "perfect" or it wasn't happening soon enough. And on the other side, I think the guys were a little strange for hinting at it and then making the girl wait for some overblown orchestrated moment. That was an overly stressful thing that didn't have to be. But, as you are older, it's probably best just to talk it out and find out why she is feeling that way and assure her you aren't trying to stress her out.

 

[St. Helens]

ADMIN HAT ON

If you are married you should not be posting in this forum. This forum is for Courting Couples.
ADMIN HAT OFF​

 

[Gnarwhal]

I think I would be some annoyed with the
artificialiality of a planned "surprise" ceremony.
And dragging out the wait would give me hives.

Discuss it, for goodness sake! Getting married is no
place for a surprise.

But then you are not marrying me, her
attitude may vary.

Yeah she doesn’t wanna talk about it much. Things like planning and timelines dial up her anxiety. She just keeps repeating that she trusts me to know the right time, the more I try to bring her in the loop the more she shuts down and withdraws.

A lot of it could have to do with the fact that she was engaged three times to the same guy (years ago) and it was only the third time that they even started planning the wedding, the first two times they didn’t even do that they were just engaged for a long time. So in some sense I think she’s trying to spare herself the disappointment that she’s felt in the past.

We talked about it and knew we wanted to marry so I was excited. I definitely didn't have any negative or anxious emotions about it. I guess if someone hates surprises , it would make them anxious though. I know a lot of people that just hate the not knowing even though they do know something is coming. I spent some time within a Christian college and couples were getting engaged left and right. Some girls WERE anxious and upset for the proposal that they knew was coming. They put a lot of pressure on the situation and fiancee because they wanted it to be "perfect" or it wasn't happening soon enough. And on the other side, I think the guys were a little strange for hinting at it and then making the girl wait for some overblown orchestrated moment. That was an overly stressful thing that didn't have to be. But, as you are older, it's probably best just to talk it out and find out why she is feeling that way and assure her you aren't trying to stress her out.

Her dislike of surprises is also part of it I believe. She mentioned that she was kinda glad I slipped up over Valentine’s Day and told her it was coming in March, but she doesn’t wanna know too much else because she somehow feels pressured to make it happen (i.e. facilitating my conversation with her parents and kids). So for the next two weeks until I ask her, I don’t think I should say anything about it at all...

Problem is if I don’t bring her in the loop on the fact that I’m wanting to have that conversation then it makes it harder to get it done cause I don’t know how I’ll find the time to do it. Especially since I’m only visiting her one more time between now and when I plan to ask her.