Question for people on the spectrum

[liketotalk]

Hello,

I am the parent of a child with HF Autism and I would appreciate it if you could answer some of these questions I have.

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

Did your Parents tell you?

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

Thank you for your time and any help.

 

[amberlight]

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

I only knew for sure in my early 40s - there was no such thing much before then, especially for women.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

No, I thought I was perfectly normal and they were the ones who were weirdly different. It's been a revelation to realise I'm the one that's unusual!

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

Depends on what you mean by 'very young'. I think most become inquisitive at around 8-10 years old, but may not really care much before then. Trust your instincts, I'd say? There's brilliant books aimed at children on the autism spectrum to help explain the differences - well worth seeking out.

 

[carlyle418]

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?
I was diagnosed with severe ADD at 32 and later self-diagnosed with Asperger's. A few months ago (at 35), I received a professional diagnosis of Asperger's syndrome and hyperlexia.

Did your Parents tell you?
My parents told me I was a "difficult child."

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?
Yes...I remember asking my parents why I was so different when I was about 7 or 8.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?
I think parents should be prepared to answer the child's questions and should provide sources of information that the child can use to discover what autism is. I'm inclined to think that the child will let you know when s/he is ready to know.

 

[MoeSzyslak]

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

I don't think aspergers was in the DSM until 1994 and I'm much older then that. So I couldn't have been diagnosed AS as a child. I was diganosed with a anxiety disorder and OCD at around 6 years old and then it was later changed to AS when I was 35.

Did your Parents tell you?

They didn't have too. I mean it's obvious somethings up when your going to the psych regularly, on and off medications, obsessive rituals, selective mutism, etc..and none of the other kids or your siblings are doing it. All they would be telling me is the name of it. I knew the rest of it.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

I've known it for as long as I can remember.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

What's very young? I definately wouldn't lie if asked. I'd probably wait for them to ask me? Like I said, if they know enough to ask, then they already know somethings different, your just supplying the name.

I definately support telling them. You hear allot of aspies say they grew up thinking they we're bad and misbehaving kids. Thats not the case.

 

[dayhiker]

I learned I had some AS trates at 55. So I told my parents not the other way around ... LOL

I knew there were some differnences between me and others. But I always just figure that was within the variation of normal people. One might still think that. But I tend to agree with Amber, the NTs are the one with the real problems. Well, I guess a severe case of AS wouldn't be too good.

I think I would tell my child when if fit into the conversation. I'd not make a big deal about it. Some kids do some serious thinking in their teens about life and its nature. knowing they are AS can help one think thru those issues.

dayhiker

 

[redeemerlives]

I'm a young adult with some symptoms of Asperger's Syndrome/ Autism. I was diagnosed with autism it as a child, though I never really understood that I had it until the last few years, when I decided to look at myself and my parents told me about it. As for me when I found out why I had so many social problems growing up, I finally could understand why. People would think I was weird and I had a hard time talking to girls. Having AS/ autism causes me to be afraid of certain situations or people, especially problems in the past.

I definitely feel like I am wired differently. It's like a curse to have AS/ autism because it's that much harder for me to figure things out on my own. The hardest part about having something deficient is when someone else tells you for the first time. However, knowing that you have AS/ autism is better than wondering for your whole life what is wrong and not finding anything.

An example of how hard it is to live with AS. I got my heart broken by a very inconsiderate girl who humiliated me and embarassed me really badly and never apologized to me about what she did and even after a year or two later I am still hurt. How can I forgive her if she never cares enough to forgive me for having autism/ AS symptoms? And stemming from that problem I have noticed different behaviors in myself: a need for companionship and a great need for support. On the other hand, I feel as though I have grown somewhat out of the AS/ autism symptoms, though not completely.

But I don't really like my past much, all the time I couldn't talk to people, when everyone else could. I wish I could be born again now and start over. I may be a little socially immature for my age, but on the other hand I'm educated.

Moral of the story is this: if you think the child isn't going to understand his or her problem then don't tell them about it until they get older, but if they are smarter, they might ask. The other thing is this: maybe get them to talk to people when they are young. I am doing that now, but I regret not having more social skills when I was younger. If not I would have been able to read girls properly. And I also would care more about my social problems in the past.

It is perfectly legitimate for someone with autism/ AS to expect some type of courtesy from other people. In fact, moreso because of the social limitations that result from these conditions. These are the people who don't care about life or think they are worthless inside. They need you or anyone else for support. I know because I am a person who now found out that opening up to people is the way to start fixing the problem...

 

[amberlight]

Redeemerlives, I agree with you that the more we're able to explain our differences to people, the easier it gets in a lot of situations. I hope and pray that you find the right person for you in your life, someone who is willing to listen and learn and with whom you will know love and acceptance.

 

[joris]

Hello,

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

Uhm about 22 or so? First time the possibility got mentioned to me was by a mother of a child with AS or autism (am not sure which it was), she recognized some things. Later on it got confirmed by a (Christian) psychologist;

Did your Parents tell you?

No they didn't know; had never investigated - or that is, only when I was a young child, there was some investigation, but that didn't answer much then.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

Yeah, as a teenager I felt like different -- (worth) "less", really (not understanding myself well, and being lonely, and later kinda depressed); As a child or teenager I never had close friendships or so - that only started bothering me as teenager;
That became better when I became Christian, when I started to go to church, where a group of people accepted me, had patience with me, tried and prayed and supported me.
Parents tried me to get into many kinds of sports/hobbies, for which I tended to loose interest after a while; the one place to find friendship and acceptance (church), was one where my parents never would've brought me - as they aren't Christians.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

I think I probably wouldn't have had such a hard time as teenager if I had understood some... perhaps. It could've helped I think.
Very young? Uhmm not sure... at least better for them to learn, before they really start having teenager issues!

 

[ThePurpleFlower]

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

19. Before that I had been diagnosed with ADD, which I mostly needed so that I could get special assistance in college (a quiet room for test-taking, permission to tape lectures, and a note-taker if I needed it). However, the ADD diagnosis just wasn't fitting and things that don't fit together have always bothered me. Since I was enrolled in the special needs department, I knew people with ADD and we weren't all that much alike. I knew my brother was in the spectrum, and had always compared myself to him. When I realized that girls manifested AS symptoms differently, things sort of just clicked.

Did your Parents tell you?

No. They had no idea, because my brother was always the troubled one, and I was "never as bad as him." They did think I had ADD, but that's mostly due to my synesthesia and sensory processing differences. Plus, my Dad is on the spectrum himself, and my Mom is just naturally very grounded, structured, and introverted, plus ASDs run on both sides of the family, so unless there were problems at school, they didn't worry overmuch.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

Yeah, though we moved around a lot, so I always thought it was because I was the "new kid" all the time and anyway, I had my books and I was smart, s so I could cover up pretty well, even to myself. And when I was twelve I was homeschooled, and the local co-op was very supportive and inclusive, so my differences "fit right in." It wasn't until college that things really started showing up.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

No, especially not to very young children. Just give them plenty of structure and try to find supportive environments. God blessed me with people, either relatives or, when I was a teenager, friends who acted as a support system and allowed me to learn how to act. Make sure to keep tabs on them though, and if/when interesting behavior starts cropping up, think about doing a little disclosure. Before I went to college, my Mom made sure to tell me that people had suspected I had ADD, because she knew I was leaving the adaptive environment of homeschooling for something a bit more rigid and she wanted me to know how to take care of myself. But she didn't tell me that some girls diagnosed with ADD can actually have AS, and just manifest it different. I think this was because she didn't want me to deal with any more labels than I had too; she didn't want me using them as an excuse or a crutch. And while I was mad at her at the time because I thought she'd lied to me, I understand now. I think it's important for the person to choose whether or not they want to self-identify (unless they need meds or something, and meds are doled out far too much as it is). For me, I needed to know about my AS-ness because I was starting a relationship, and the more my boyfriend and I talked and got beyond the basic social skills that kept me "normal", the more I needed to understand that huge black hole that is the rest of my psyche.

 

[Sabertooth]

...

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

Did your Parents tell you?

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

Thank you for your time and any help.

At age 45.

No, but found me difficult and hard to anticipate.

Yes, but my parents and I thought it was tied to my high IQ.

You should give honest and age-appropriate answers. And, if you don't know an answer, tell them you don't know. Aspies can usually tell when you are making something up, because it is usually self-contradictory. If a parent or another adult in the family has been diagnosed, they may be better able to demonstrate that it isn't completely a bad thing and share ways they cope with the rough spots.

 

[regencygirl]

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?
I was first diagnosed at 16. I had previously been diagnosed (or misdiagnosed) as having ADD, which I understand is a pretty common mistake, or used to be anyway.

Did your Parents tell you?
That's the funny/sad thing, my parents were in denial about it. They refused to accept the diagnosis at first (as they didn't like the idea of having a "special needs" child, which they felt implied that they had done something wrong as parents.) It wasn't until I saw a doctor on my own at 19 that I got a diagnosis of Asperger's once and for all.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?
I was always a bit different. My preschool teachers described me as "indifferent" to other people and having "tunnel vision" for whatever I was working on. I never liked socializing with other kids my age - I always preferred to read, draw, write, play music, or do something on my own, because interacting with others seemed like such hard work and wasn't fun to me.

When I was a young teenager (when social interaction is the all-important thing), I was a target for verbal (and occasionally physical) abuse, and this went on until my late teens. I won't say it was pleasant to be the focus of everyone's joke, as socially awkward teens often are, but I learned early on in life that my self-worth didn't have to depend on other people's opinions of me, and that was an important lesson.

Strength in numbers, though - since I was 8 years old, I'd had a close friend that had high-functioning autism, and in my last years of high school I found a group of kids - some of whom also had similar issues - that I fit in with.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?
I think it's a lot like telling kids the 'facts of life', in a lot of ways....some kids are ready to hear and comprehend sooner than others. I think any questions kids have for their parents deserve an honest answer, so if they're old enough to ask "Why am I different?" - especially if it's causing them distress - it's good to have a gentle but accurate explanation standing by.

I've seen some well-meaning but misguided parents use issues like this as a 'crutch' for their kids, and that's where it becomes a real problem. I'm almost glad that mine went undiagnosed for so long, because I never thought to myself, "It's okay, I don't have to try too hard, because I've got Asperger's." My parents were the sort who would have excused me from finding my place in the world, and I wouldn't be a functional adult today if they had.

On the other hand, it's comforting to know that there's a real reason I struggled so much...not because I wasn't good enough, but because I had obstacles to overcome. I suppose it's good to have a balance - understanding what makes you different without letting it cripple you.

 

[C-Man]

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?
I just found out recently that I have AS.

Did your Parents tell you?
No. They were told I had ADD many years ago.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?
Only since I was about 4.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?
If the child can handle it, yes. It'll work out better in the long run.

This is my very first post on Christian Forums!

 

[ContraMundum]

Hello,

I am the parent of a child with HF Autism and I would appreciate it if you could answer some of these questions I have.

How old were you when you found out you had Autism or Aspergers?

Early 30s.

Did your Parents tell you?

No, the shrink did.

Did you suspect you were wired differently than other people/kids?

Definitely.

Do you think parents should tell their children while they are very young?

Only if and when the parents are confident that the child will not develop a complex over it (which could be an inferiority or superiority complex or something else)

Thank you for your time and any help.

No probs.

 

[liketotalk]

Thank you so much everyone! All the answers have been so helpful. I am sorry for those of you who have been through so much pain due to having asd. I see a lot of what my son goes through. I keep reminding him of who he is in Christ and how much our family and God loves him.

I sat my son down (10 yr old) and we had a talk. I will say it was a major relief for him and it was as though a weight had been lifted off him. I prayed that God give me the right words to say to him. It was hard. But he said it explained a lot of things that he had been feeling. And it solved a couple of mysteries for him in his life.

Thanks again!

 

[uft]

Thank you so much everyone! All the answers have been so helpful. I am sorry for those of you who have been through so much pain due to having asd. I see a lot of what my son goes through. I keep reminding him of who he is in Christ and how much our family and God loves him.

I sat my son down (10 yr old) and we had a talk. I will say it was a major relief for him and it was as though a weight had been lifted off him. I prayed that God give me the right words to say to him. It was hard. But he said it explained a lot of things that he had been feeling. And it solved a couple of mysteries for him in his life.

Thanks again!

Oh, bless him.

My daughter is now 15, she was diagnosed at about the age of 7. I was diagnosed about the same time. When I look at her, I often think how different it would have been for me if only I had known (Asperger's wasn't even heard of when I was growing up). I'm glad that she has the benefit of a diagnosis and won't go through life wondering what is wrong with her and why she was "different", but not knowing exactly in what way.

 

[joris]

Praying it will enable him to understand and accept himself better,
and at the same time him not giving in into the trap of not trying things that will end up be blessings for Him! (kinda an area where I have to learn myself I suppose )
All in all, as anyone, but especially as someone with 'a limitation', he'll need Gods grace and leading

 

[BenB]

1) I was 14
2) Yes, my parents told me a few months after I was diagnosed
3) Yes, I could tell I was a little different
4) I'm not sure. It would probably depend on how severe their symptoms are