Question for Parents Who Push Abstinence

[Toboe]

I am very greatful that my dad has never spoken a word to me about sex.

 

[chipmunk]

If people were curteous they'd knock and wait for an answer before entering their kid's room (they could be getting dressed or maybe they like sleeping nude). Now, if the kid is mastubating on the couch (or other open place) where anyone can walk in, that's a different issue. Despite embarassment on either side there would be a talk of appropriate places to do such things which does NOT include the family couch. If I ever have kids, I do plan to discuss sex with them (the anatomy, birth control options, masturbation, etc).

 

[Skydancing]

As long as a child masturbates in the privacy if their room, it is none of the parent's business! If a child was punished for masturbating the child could quite reasonably complain to the social services that the parents were being unreasonable!

 

[katautumn]

I see alot of people who are of the impression that masturbation makes someone a depraved individual using the statement, "it's selfish". Well so what if it is? I have masturbated on a regular basis since I was ten years old and have no problem giving pleasure to my fiance. I don't seek my pleasure first and then his. He does the same for me. It has not hampered our intimacy whatsoever. I mean, there are lots of unnecessary (from a survival standpoint) activities that people indulge in because it makes them feel good. A woman getting a manicure for example or a man playing golf. These are not activities that are essential to survival of the species. They are solely for the enjoyment of the person engaging in them. Does that make them wrong?

Why don't you ask this question to a parent that had their child die from erotic asphyxiation or something along those lines?

Do you think those parents, had they known beforehand this would have happened, do you think they would have done anything within their power to prevent their teens from masturbating? Would they have punished their kids for doing it?

 

[Marie D]

haha!!! i remember that one too!

what a great thread.

I'm glad you found it funny. It wasn't very amusing for me or my fiance, and it put back our marriage date by almost a year.

 

[butterfoot]

I'm glad you found it funny. It wasn't very amusing for me or my fiance, and it put back our marriage date by almost a year.

If finding out a guy masterbated forced you to push back your marriage a year you truely need to reassess your relationship with this person.

-cw

 

[numberprophet]

If finding out a guy masterbated forced you to push back your marriage a year you truely need to reassess your relationship with this person.

-cw

what he said.

 

[katautumn]

I am very greatful that my dad has never spoken a word to me about sex.

I know it can be very embarassing and uncomfortable to have your parent sit down with you and talk about sex, but remember, it's just as embarassing and uncomfortable for them. The "sex talk" is crucial. My fiance's father died when he was five years old and his mother never had "the talk" with him. Any mention of sexual matters prompted an "eewwww gross! We don't talk about those things!" response from her. He ended up learning every thing he knows about sex from locker room trash talk and dirty magazines and movies. At the age of 41, I had to practically re-train him. His ex-wife was sort of a prude and intimacy was met with complaints, grumbling and disdain. Suffice it to say, they had an almost non-existent and very unhealthy sex life.

I think because my parents were so open with myself and my siblings about sex I am able to be pretty open minded about things. I hear so many men complain that their wives will only perform oral sex on birthdays and anniversaries and even then they complain. Many wives will not "do it" with the lights on or try different positions. I find this usually stems from a lack of healthy discussion about sex during their formative years. After all, if your parents make sex out to be a gross and dirty chore rather than a fun, pleasurable and beautiful experience then you will be inclined to form the same opinion.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

I see alot of people who are of the impression that masturbation makes someone a depraved individual using the statement, "it's selfish". Well so what if it is? I have masturbated on a regular basis since I was ten years old and have no problem giving pleasure to my fiance. I don't seek my pleasure first and then his. He does the same for me. It has not hampered our intimacy whatsoever. I mean, there are lots of unnecessary (from a survival standpoint) activities that people indulge in because it makes them feel good. A woman getting a manicure for example or a man playing golf. These are not activities that are essential to survival of the species. They are solely for the enjoyment of the person engaging in them. Does that make them wrong?

I didn't ask about your sexual life.
If you don't like the morality of being sexually pure? Fine then reject it and realize that there isn't a compelling need to tell other people what you typically do or are willing to do.

Do you think those parents, had they known beforehand this would have happened, do you think they would have done anything within their power to prevent their teens from masturbating? Would they have punished their kids for doing it?

I don't know what those parents "would do".
I imagine what was "probably done" was to seek ignorance of it, sluff it off as normal or the ever famous "everyone does it and it's harmless", or anything done in private is moral enough.

 

[SH89]

I'm glad you found it funny. It wasn't very amusing for me or my fiance, and it put back our marriage date by almost a year.

You're getting married at 17?

 

[katautumn]

I didn't ask about your sexual life.
If you don't like the morality of being sexually pure? Fine then reject it and realize that there isn't a compelling need to tell other people what you typically do or are willing to do.

I don't believe my level of "purity" is defined by my sexual status. The opposite of "pure" would be impure which means you're implying I'm somehow tainted because I engage in premarital sex. My fiance and I are unwed only in the legal sense of the word. In all other aspects we live as husband and wife. He helps me take care of my son. I help him take care of his elderly mother. We own a dog together. We have a home. We split the bills. We share everything. I do not consider our relationship to be impure or myself as "damaged goods". And I don't see what is wrong with sharing some aspects of my life to defend my stance. I didn't go into explicit details about my sex life.

I don't know what those parents "would do".
I imagine what was "probably done" was to seek ignorance of it, sluff it off as normal or the ever famous "everyone does it and it's harmless", or anything done in private is moral enough.

I don't think anything done in private is immoral; however, with that said it doesn't mean everything that occurs in private is safe. Obviously a person can shoot up heroin in private, but it can become a deadly addiction. I person may love eating loads of junk food in private, but it can lead to serious health problems such as heart failure and diabetes. What you have done here is made an attempt at proving masturbation is wrong because a handful of teens have tragically died during experimentation with erotic asphyxiation. Shame on you for exploiting their deaths to suit your moral cause!

 

[Skydancing]

I fail to see what is immoral about masturbation!

 

[SH89]

I fail to see what is immoral about masturbation!

MAsturbation is not a sin according to the bible , however, if one feels that masturbation is sinful then it is sinful to that person. The principles of Romans 14 come into play: on matters of individual conscience, if the conscience is not clear, then for that individual it is a sin.



Most people touch, and those who don't are lying.

 

[Skydancing]

I think it is healthy to touch, feeling guilty because you are doing what comes naturally is going to screw you up!

 

[katautumn]

I'm still trying to understand why it was so bad for me to vaguely describe the intimacy I share with my fiance as if it's wrong to talk about your sex life. Geez, go look at the Marriage forum sometime. Some of those people get pretty graphic about certain sexual desires, dysfunctions and whatnot.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

What you have done here is made an attempt at proving masturbation is wrong because a handful of teens have tragically died during experimentation with erotic asphyxiation. Shame on you for exploiting their deaths to suit your moral cause!

I gave but one simple and extreme example to expose the hidden premise i.e. masturbation is harmless. I didn't even bother touching on conditioned behavior or the psychological consequences related to habitual self-gratification without investment.
I find the call to ignorance of ANY dangers via feigned outrage and accusations of "exploiting"... overdramatic. Perhaps next time a qualifier should be added in that the subject should only be discussed superficially.

 

[katautumn]

I gave but one simple and extreme example to expose the hidden premise i.e. masturbation is harmless.

Masturbation is harmless! For goodness sake. You took one extreme end result of a solo sex act and turned it into a consequence of masturbation. It's like this. Eating is not dangerous; however, you get curious and decide to cram twenty marshmallows in your mouth and choke to death does that mean eating is immoral? No. It just means your curiosity gave way to absence of common sense. Sometimes people develop an eating habit and become compulsive binge eaters. Here again, just because something can be addictive or can be misapplied and proven dangerous does not mean the act, in and of itself, is inherently wrong.

I didn't even bother touching on conditioned behavior or the psychological consequences related to habitual self-gratification without investment.

What sort of conditioned behavior? Like I said, I touch and have for years and I don't seem to have any mental or emotional instabilities. And masturbating on a regular basis doesn't mean it's a habit. Most people do not turn into chronic masturbators.

I find the call to ignorance of ANY dangers via feigned outrage and accusations of "exploiting"... overdramatic.

Because there are not any hidden dangers of masturbation. The problems typically stem from other issues and not the act of masturbation itself.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

Why don't you ask this question to a parent that had their child die from erotic asphyxiation or something along those lines?

What a stupid comment. As if masturbation is this huge health risk, with kids dying all over the world because they give it a tug.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

I'm glad you found it funny. It wasn't very amusing for me or my fiance, and it put back our marriage date by almost a year.

If the fact that your fiance masturbates was responsible for your delaying your marriage by a year, you're not ready for marriage. Hell, you're not ready for life.

 

[Electric Sceptic]

I gave but one simple and extreme example to expose the hidden premise i.e. masturbation is harmless.

It's not a 'hidden premise', it's a simple fact.

I didn't even bother touching on conditioned behavior or the psychological consequences related to habitual self-gratification without investment.

Good, because you have nothing to offer there, either.

I find the call to ignorance of ANY dangers via feigned outrage and accusations of "exploiting"... overdramatic. Perhaps next time a qualifier should be added in that the subject should only be discussed superficially.

Nice try...however, you haven't brought ANYTHING to the discussion that indicates that masturbation is in any way unhealthy.