Question for men

[carine]

Was wondering if I have unrealistic expectations of how men should behave? I recently had a day out with two single friends one male and one female no one boyfriend or girl friend. We ended up having a made up picnic in a park. I was left with a heavy bag and we walked up a small road hill etc etc and I was kinda watching this guy to see if he would offer to help carry my bag and he didnt. I kinda look for certain qualitites in men and when God does bless me with a future husband expect certain types of behaviour and consideration is this wrong? Am I kinda outdate on this do men still hold doors open for women and offer to carry things ????

 

[joeman1]

NO thats not wrong. You see we as men today are in a state of confusion on one hand women want a man who opens doors and does the gentlemanly thing. then on the other hand women want to be treated as equals and do things for themselves. As for me I tend to agree with the first notion but anymore we just don't know how to act and when we do act in a gentlemanly manner we don't know what kind of reaction it will invoke.

 

[HomeBound]

Am I kinda outdate on this do men still hold doors open for women and offer to carry things ????

I do, but I offer to carry things, open doors for anyone. I'm not patting myself on the back, I do these things beacause of my upbringing.

 

[Living4Him03]

that's a cop out. Dont be a wuss and say "oh i just don't know how she will react" that is just silly frankly. Be a man and open the door for her. If she doesn't like it say "goodnight" and let her find another guy. I personally cannot stand when a guy worries about such things. Sorry, but it's wimpy to me for a guy to say that he doesn't open the door for a girl cuz he's not sure how she'll react.

 

[joeman1]

I didn't say that was me. frankly I haven't been in the situation to be that way. the nearest I have been to that is holding a door open for a girl at church, or at the local store. my expectations seems to dwindle

 

[nuarc]

Have you heard of the "car door test"? It is a "test" that a guy gives a girl unbeknownst to her. They are going somewhere and he lets her in the car- if she leans over and opens the door she passes the test, if she does not she fails it. Well this is one of the "tests" Ive heard of. After hearing about this test I made up a "car door test" of my own called "carry the bag test". And it is just what you described there. If I had grocery bags, luggage- something like that and a guy didnt at least offer to help me out...well you know. I didnt dump him on the spot, but I sure did keep my eyes open.
The bf I have now passed the "test" and just for the record- my bf carries the grocery bags and I hold open the door .
I dont think it is too much to ask for at all.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

Have you heard of the "car door test"? It is a "test" that a guy gives a girl unbeknownst to her. They are going somewhere and he lets her in the car- if she leans over and opens the door she passes the test, if she does not she fails it. Well this is one of the "tests" Ive heard of. After hearing about this test I made up a "car door test" of my own called "carry the bag test". And it is just what you described there. If I had grocery bags, luggage- something like that and a guy didnt at least offer to help me out...well you know. I didnt dump him on the spot, but I sure did keep my eyes open.
The bf I have now passed the "test" and just for the record- my bf carries the grocery bags and I hold open the door .
I dont think it is too much to ask for at all.

The first "love" did that test about the girl reaching over to unlock his door. I passed. Hey, he passed first by opening the door for me.

I look for those qualities in men. I guess these days I have high expectations because I do expect them. Yet these qualities, I fear, are being seen less and less. That's one thing I liked about most southern boys. Some of their mamma's taught them right.

 

[joeman1]

good ol' southin boy here

 

[Iggster]

Anyone telling you that Chivalry is dead is not the kind of guy you want around you.

I will try my best to open the door for my s/o, without question.

I will take her feelings, opinions, and/or advice into consideration when I make major changes in my life, which could affect our relationship.

I will never let her carry a bag by herself, unless I have a bag heavier than hers.

Thank you(s) and smile is all I need from her. I want to treat her as I would like to be treated in our relationship. To be honest, she does things for me too and buys me things I don't ask for, but she knows I'll love. Hope this clears the air a bit.

 

[the_man]

From where I'm from an how I was raised, it is second nature to help and elder, a lady or a mate when they are carrying stuff and you aren't. Not even something I think about anymore. If it is that important to you, then you should seek a man with that quality.

 

[Living4Him03]

ok, so what if he has a keyless entry type thing and just pushes a button to unlock the doors? My ex has such a car now and he'd probably get flustered with me if I tried to unlock his door and then messed the electronic system thingy up or something lol.

 

[Ginsu]

For me, it's more of an instinct rather than being taught. I couldn't be more than happy bend my back backwards twice over for the ladies. There was a time in my life that I would bolt out of the driver seat door quickly as possible, run around and open the door for my ex. The opening of building doors comes naturally since I don't mind holding it open for everyone. And I have been notorious for tying up undone shoe laces for my ex while walking, well not literally while walking because that would be a serious talent.

 

[throwingbones]

...

 

[TriptychR]

To me, the heavy bag situation does not seem limited to chivalry towards women, but towards anyone that may need help. I would hope that if a girl were "checking me out" that she would look more for how I help everyone around me over only the attention I give her. I don't mean to sound prudish or condescending by that, but that's how I feel.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

My ex wouldn't let me open the car door for her. Said, she's perfectly capable of doing it herself.

Silly girl! Don't listen to her and keep on opening those doors!

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

ok, so what if he has a keyless entry type thing and just pushes a button to unlock the doors? My ex has such a car now and he'd probably get flustered with me if I tried to unlock his door and then messed the electronic system thingy up or something lol.

I'd make a joke out of it as he was opening the door for me (and he better be opening that door! ). I'd say, "Well, I know this is a usual test, but under the circumstances . . . *shrug*grin* or something along those lines.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

good ol' southin boy here

Don't say you're from Georgia. I may react and cause physical harm.

 

[KeilCoppes]

ok, so what if he has a keyless entry type thing and just pushes a button to unlock the doors?

Then the guy gets double bonus points - he can open both doors remotely while escorting the lady to open her door, and make her way to the car easier. I love my new remote door button!

 

[tyberium]

Personally I dont think chivalry is dead. I know I did not kill it, so it must be alive. I hold open doors, mind my manners, and carry heavy things all the time. I do not go as far as to rise every time a lady leaves or enters a room.

As for picking the man with the right qualities for you here is my take on that. I believe that God only holds one test for marriage. That Christians marry other Christians. The verse about not being unequally yolked. Having said that if you meet several guys that pass the test you should ask yourself this question. Who would I be happier spending my life with? Personally I want to find someone that hold the same moral and biblical views as me. Some of the areas I would want to be on common ground with my mate are abortion, same-sex marriage, the end-times, the catholic church, the origion of this world, and other areas. There is no reason that I can see that I would want to spend the rest of my life trying to convince my life partner of my point of view. I am in no way saying that you should not try to change peoples opinions and argue for God, (because that is what he commands us to do). I am simply saying why agrue every day with the person who is second only to God?

 

[HomeBound]

I can't stand it when women don't say thankyou when you hold a door. They just put their noses up at you and keep walking. But I still do it.