Question for married men: First attraction

[GraceDaily]

I have a question I'd like to ask married men. What first drew you to your wife? Why did she stand out? I never attract men in social circles. The only men I've dated have been from meeting online and therefore forced into a one on one situation. I've had many crushes that come to nothing because they aren't interested in me. I'm a shy person but if I knew something about myself I could try and project a bit more maybe it would help.

 

[Scottmcc1]

For me, I had a base line of form and face. Which was not high or hard to meet for many women. And from there I was looking for a women that was committed to serving the Lord with a personality and interests that jelled with me.

I knew my wife for a while before we started dating. So for us it was our similar interests that drew us together.

I think you will find relationships by getting involved in different volunteer activities. Also don't neglect prayer. God answers prayer. But don't pray with complaint, pray with thanksgiving of God's goodness.

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart."

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

This will sound odd, but I'm attracted to happiness. Few things are more attractive than the appearance of actual happiness be it a smile or a certain in her step.

Also, consider that a lot of men are shy or have a hard time reading the signs that a woman is interested. You may have to make the first move.

 

[Scottmcc1]

This will sound odd, but I'm attracted to happiness. Few things are more attractive than the appearance of actual happiness be it a smile or a certain in her step.

A smile and a joyful spirit is the most attractive attribute a women can have. As you serve others from a love for Jesus, this will be shown.

 

[LinkH]

The very first thing? Looks. That's all you see of a person when you meet them.

One of the good things about looks is that if one person isn't attracted to you, you may be another person's type. I just notice when a man says a certain girl is pretty, sometimes I'll agree, but sometimes I won't. And I remember in my younger days, thinking a girl was attractive and another boy disagreeing with me.

You only need one man, too, as a husband. So as far as looks go, you only need to attract that one man. If you feel self-conscious about your looks, that doesn't mean you aren't attractive. Some women that men consider attractive don't get asked out a lot. I think personality has something to do with it. I also suspect girls that are too good looking might not get as much attention from men who think she is out of their league.

I used to teach at a school in Indonesia, a supplemental English class for every grade level. There was a new teachers aid in the back of the 4-year-old pre-school class. I left some materials in the room to take to the next class (no break at all between classes) and went back to collect the materials. The teacher introduced me to a young woman who was the student aid.

Later, I saw her at the very far end of some tables were placed end to end next to each other in the teacher's lounge. I admired how beautiful she was and I thought to myself, I wonder if God will give me a woman as beautiful as that to be my wife. I didn't realize it was the teacher's aid I'd met that morning. I didn't see her again, since work conflicted with her college schedule and it didn't work out for her.

I didn't really think about her. I met her a year later. at her Bible college where I was visiting the library and meeting some students. Of course, I noticed her looks. We had a conversation. She had a word of knowledge about me that fit with what I knew about my own gifts. She seemed really sweet.

Looks were the first thing. Her love for the Lord was another thing. Spiritual giftedness didn't hurt either.

 

[LinkH]

This will sound odd, but I'm attracted to happiness. Few things are more attractive than the appearance of actual happiness be it a smile or a certain in her step.

I heard some statistic, that if you smile, you are perceived as being X% more attractive. I forget the number. Maybe it was 25%. It seems to be true. They probably did research with pictures of the same people, smiling or not smiling, and the same person was rated more attractive if smiling.

So walk around smiling if you want to be asked out.

Btw, I didn't add that smiley because I want to be asked since I'm married.

Or that one.

 

[Scottmcc1]

A woman that is sick, or doesn't smile is not attractive.

 

[Darkhorse]

Believe it or not, my wife is not very attractive, in the typical sense. Most guys would never give her a second glance, but she caught my attention by:

being pleasant and friendly. Her basic warmth came through right away, and we conversed quite easily from the beginning (which is very unusual for me);

letting her intelligence show, not by showing it off, but just in conversation about various topics; not trying to hide it. I wasn't intimidated. I like smart women.

having common sense and a realistic image of herself. We talked about drugs, and she said "I'd better not mess up my mind, because I'll never get by on my looks" Most of the ladies her age had 2 interests: (1) what party can I go to next weekend?, and (2) how drunk can I get there? She was different.

Be yourself. Trite, but true.

 

[HerCrazierHalf]

I think one important thing to mention is that what is attractive to a man seeking a wife vs a man seeking a woman for now (for lack of better phase) are different things.

 

[Inkachu]

I've asked my husband this question, and he said it was my intelligence, our shared hobbies and personal beliefs, and when he saw my picture (we conversed for a while before exchanging photos) that was the clincher and he knew he wanted to marry me

 

[GraceDaily]

Thank you for all the replies. I am trying to smile more, I think my"resting face" makes me look sad a lot of them time and it probably doesn't help me!

 

[Dave-W]

We were introduced by the wife of her congregation's youth pastor in a musical setting. She sang and I played guitar.

But beyond that, she was one of the shy ones that seemed to hide out in the shadows. I tend to be that way myself so that was an immediate attraction. (It did not hurt that she was REEEEEEAAAAAALY cute....)