question for husbands

[Toro]

That depends on the man.

If my wife and I watch something that has something of that nature in it (not often but it is "everywhere") we generally fast forward through it. On the occasions we do not because its a quick scene I look away.

IF I see it I dont become a teenage boy or a dog, I still have control, but I have two options of risk:

1) I run the risk of thinking of that woman on the screen in a way that makes me an adulterer in the eyes of the Lord.

2) I risk missing the a scene of an actress on the screen.

None of us are perfect and the moment we think "We got this" is a moment we are likely to fall due to our pride.

Generally speaking, I think that IF the Holy Spirit is truly abiding in a man (or woman) it should be left to that person to decide for themselves provided they are being true to the Spirit in them. Nudity isn't the problem, the human heart is. IF God leads a man to a place with nudity, God can also keep that man from temptation. However, if the man hides behind God as a means to justify his lusts.... he will no doubt come to regrets that decision.

That said, I also think that in general a person that is abiding in Christ will not be constantly led to watch movies that have such things in them. (It will happen time to time cause its hard to get away from sexualized images in the world.)

I do not know you or your husband so this is a very general opinion of the situation, but a husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the church... so if a husband hurts his wife, no matter the intent or how minor he believes it to be it should matter to him just as harm done to to His people matters to Christ.

That said, your husband is not perfect and I would advise that you be a helper to your husband and pray for him. If he is not a Christian I would say pray from him to know Christ. IF he is a Christian pray that God works on his heart to see his error of harming you and to turn away from that which damages his marriage.

In either case, I would suggest that you continue to pray for him. Also, while you pray, pray that God works on you as well and focus more on the command given to you in your role as a wife. For we are not tasked with focusing on what our spouse does wrong, what they do/do not do, as if to point at the speck in their eye while ignoring the plank in our own.

But instead, we should pray for each other, brother and sister, how much more so the one we are joined to? If we focus on our walk with Christ, strengthening our bonds to Him... then He can use us in a way that MIGHT just shine a light and provide the reason for the change we wish to see in others around us.

Hope this is helpful

 

[SkyWriting]

I don't use porn. But when I was a younger man I feared for my salvation, though I was going to hell. So I fell into porn usage, of which I am now free. But when I used it there is a definite progression, it starts with soft porn usage, but eventually, you get bored, and move on to more "questionable" forms. Like bondage, lesbian sex, and youth porn. Fortunately for me, I never used child sex porn, but there is always a progression to deeper forms of perversity. Where the earlier forms seem "harmless" to the user.

Because I've never experienced any "progression" like you speak of, I will assume you are wrong. There are keywords like "Pre-Lolita" that I have exposed and you cannot find child porn there anymore. Not the hard core stuff anyway.

The very first Playboy magazine I found has the most attractive naked women I've ever seen. My tastes have never changed from that 70's issue.

I've spent hours tracking down child porn and sent dozens of reports to the FBI through their webpage link for reporting it. I never found it any more acceptable through exposure. I'm sure it happens, but it's not the exposure that is the cause. It's the part of a person that is missing and they seek something that porn partially fills but never satisfies. The "progression" is the unfilled area in a person life. It's not the porn that causes the problem.

 

[coffee4u]

I am truly looking for honest answers as I feel I am being mislead. Can men watch an action movie that contains sex scenes with orgies and lesbian sex with multiple beautiful naked women and have absolutely no sexual attraction or physical response or thoughts whatsoever? If it's best that I create a poll so that people can remain anonymous in order to get more honest feedback, please let me know. Thank you so much for your input!

Pornography watching is immoral, considered to be adultery and very addictive. It's very harmful to a Christian mans walk with God, marriage and family life. I don't believe that he is getting zero sexual gratification from it. Why would he be watching it otherwise? Even if he truly got zero sexual buzz from that, that kind of thing objectifies those women. How is a man to respect the women he meets everyday if this is how he constantly views them.The more this type of thing is watched the more the 'lesser' ones are seen as sinful but as okay.

Philippians 4:8

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

That fact that he tries to hide it is proof of his guilt.

My guess is he needs help for a porn addiction as he is likely to be watching far worse that you don't see, this is simply the mild stuff that he is letting slip.

 

[anonymouswife]

Pornography watching is immoral, considered to be adultery and very addictive. It's very harmful to a Christian mans walk with God, marriage and family life. I don't believe that he is getting zero sexual gratification from it. Why would he be watching it otherwise? Even if he truly got zero sexual buzz from that, that kind of thing objectifies those women. How is a man to respect the women he meets everyday if this is how he constantly views them.The more this type of thing is watched the more the 'lesser' ones are seen as sinful but as okay.

Philippians 4:8

8 Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

That fact that he tries to hide it is proof of his guilt.

My guess is he needs help for a porn addiction as he is likely to be watching far worse that you don't see, this is simply the mild stuff that he is letting slip.

 

[anonymouswife]

Thank you! I suspect so much of what you are saying is true. You've pretty much summed up what I have been thinking based on all the lying and hiding. I really appreciate you sharing your perspective.

 

[Francis Drake]

As someone mentioned earlier, my wife and I dumped the TV over 10 years ago and if we fancy a film, we watch it on our laptop together. But if it turns out to be pornographic, we either fast forward, or if it turns out to be throughout the film, we stop immediately. We are not prepared to let Satan pollute our minds.

I have been into spiritual warfare and deliverance for over 40 years, and I know with an absolute certainty that Satan uses pornography to get people demonised through lust. Watching it causes our spiritual defences to weaken and open up to demons entering, and those demon will gain control and turn the habit into an addiction and other sexual excesses.

You cannot escape the fact that men indulge in porn precisely because it sexually arouses them.
In my view, they are committing adultery in their hearts exactly as Jesus described.

I would also throw down the challenge here. -
Men like visual pornography, but women get their sexual kick from romance pornography, which may not have naked sex scenes, but is equally demonic, equally addictive, but much harder to spot.
Just like visual porn, romance porn is also driven by lust etc.

 

[anonymouswife]

As someone mentioned earlier, my wife and I dumped the TV over 10 years ago and if we fancy a film, we watch it on our laptop together. But if it turns out to be pornographic, we either fast forward, or if it turns out to be throughout the film, we stop immediately. We are not prepared to let Satan pollute our minds.

I have been into spiritual warfare and deliverance for over 40 years, and I know with an absolute certainty that Satan uses pornography to get people demonised through lust. Watching it causes our spiritual defences to weaken and open up to demons entering, and those demon will gain control and turn the habit into an addiction and other sexual excesses.

You cannot escape the fact that men indulge in porn precisely because it sexually arouses them.
In my view, they are committing adultery in their hearts exactly as Jesus described.

I would also throw down the challenge here. -
Men like visual pornography, but women get their sexual kick from romance pornography, which may not have naked sex scenes, but is equally demonic, equally addictive, but much harder to spot.
Just like visual porn, romance porn is also driven by lust etc.

 

[anonymouswife]

Thank you for the really great insights! I appreciate you taking the time to respond.

 

[Chaston Hall]

It depends on the person IMO. If one is committed to following Christ, when things like that pop onto the screen, looking away is all that needs to be done to avoid the rabbit hole of sexual sin that those types of scenes can lead a man down. The longer you watch those scenes more and more sexual feelings/thoughts are likely to occur. That's what I do anyway (if ever watching filth like that, which is RARE), to both honor Christ and my wife. All in all I would say it's impossible to feel NOTHING at all when watching things like that, which is why it's best to avoid altogether.

 

[Carbon]

My wife and I encourage each other to enjoy portrayals of sex on screen and in writing, as in one of the few Bible books representing a woman's point of view, Song of Solomon which celebrates sex in front of an audience of concubines.

This fear that sexual arousal for someone other than your spouse must somehow wreck a marriage is one of the most pernicious and ironically marriage-wrecking legacies of the early Jerusalem sect. A self-imposed prophecy that is true because highly conservative Christians believe it is true. It prevents openness, unselfishness, and celebration of our natural healthy sexuality.

Secrecy is a clear sign that you and your partner are not on the same page. I'm obviously not recommending any particular approach for you since I am not a theist, but a sex therapist would probably tell you there are more healthy ways to enjoy sexuality as a couple than for one partner to feel like they have to hide their enjoyment of sexuality in everyday cinema, and the other partner feeling threatened by it. A way where each partner feels accepted, respected, and encouraged to explore their erotic side with more humor, less judgment.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

My wife and I encourage each other to enjoy portrayals of sex on screen and in writing, as in one of the few Bible books representing a woman's point of view, Song of Solomon which celebrates sex in front of an audience of concubines.

This fear that sexual arousal for someone other than your spouse must somehow wreck a marriage is one of the most pernicious and ironically marriage-wrecking legacies of the early Jerusalem sect. A self-imposed prophecy that is true because highly conservative Christians believe it is true. It prevents openness, unselfishness, and celebration of our natural healthy sexuality.

Secrecy is a clear sign that you and your partner are not on the same page. I'm obviously not recommending any particular approach for you since I am not a theist, but a sex therapist would probably tell you there are more healthy ways to enjoy sexuality as a couple than for one partner to feel like they have to hide their enjoyment of sexuality in everyday cinema, and the other partner feeling threatened by it. A way where each partner feels accepted, respected, and encouraged to explore their erotic side with more humor, less judgment.

An "audience of concubines." Well....that's new. Of course, I have to admit that Song of Solomon isn't really one of my favorite biblical books either. So, there might be a lot in it that's new.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

My wife and I encourage each other to enjoy portrayals of sex on screen and in writing, as in one of the few Bible books representing a woman's point of view, Song of Solomon which celebrates sex in front of an audience of concubines.

This fear that sexual arousal for someone other than your spouse must somehow wreck a marriage is one of the most pernicious and ironically marriage-wrecking legacies of the early Jerusalem sect. A self-imposed prophecy that is true because highly conservative Christians believe it is true. It prevents openness, unselfishness, and celebration of our natural healthy sexuality.

Secrecy is a clear sign that you and your partner are not on the same page. I'm obviously not recommending any particular approach for you since I am not a theist, but a sex therapist would probably tell you there are more healthy ways to enjoy sexuality as a couple than for one partner to feel like they have to hide their enjoyment of sexuality in everyday cinema, and the other partner feeling threatened by it. A way where each partner feels accepted, respected, and encouraged to explore their erotic side with more humor, less judgment.

So, what does "sexuality in everyday cinema" look like for you? I'm just kind of wondering. Are we talking something like the 50 Shades of Grey movies, or something else? Something even more **cough** Vivid?

The interesting thing here in all of this is that this could prove to be a very interesting conversation, depending on how deep we can go, except for the part where we have to keep in mind that the Statement of Purpose for this Married Couples forum says:

Intimate topics (how to deal with addiction to pornography, intimacy problems, etc.) will only be allowed in the separate forums for married men's/women's personal topics. Be cautious when wording these posts. Don't be too graphic in the OP or any replies. No promotion of the use of porn allowed.​

 

[Carbon]

So, what does "sexuality in everyday cinema" look like for you? I'm just kind of wondering. Are we talking something like the 50 Shades of Grey movies, or something else? Something even more **cough** Vivid?

The interesting thing here in all of this is that this could be prove to be a very interesting conversation, depending on how deep we can go, except for the part where we have to keep in mind that the Statement of Purpose for this Married Couples forum says:

Intimate topics (how to deal with addiction to pornography, intimacy problems, etc.) will only be allowed in the separate forums for married men's/women's personal topics. Be cautious when wording these posts. Don't be too graphic in the OP or any replies. No promotion of the use of porn allowed.​

I'm game. Out of respect for anonymouswife I'll start a new thread on the general topic on integrating sexuality in media into a marriage.

 

[2PhiloVoid]

I'm game. Out of respect for anonymouswife I'll start a new thread on the general topic on integrating sexuality in media into a marriage.

Alright. ... lead the way then.

 

[Kalashnikovmage]

As a married man, I subscribe to the thought process that men (and women) were created to have sexual attractions. Human nature is inevitable, i.e. a man can and will (most likely) be attracted to certain females. It is not unnatural, or sinful, to unintentionally see another woman (who is not your wife) and consider her beautiful as God's creation. It is what we do beyond that initial impression that dances with sin.

In other words, what I'm trying to say is "mind over matter". I think our human nature is flawed by God's design, i.e. men are going to find attraction to sexual things when flashed before their eyes. But it is how and what they choose to do immediate following those situations that separates the Faithful from the sinful.