Question For Divorced

[confused2007]

I am thinking about divorcing my husband. He has been working awful hours and recently I found out he could work less. He's also been taking extended lunches and playing pool with his employees. He used to run things by me like this and ask if I mind. Now he just does whatever he pleases. He seems abrasive whenever we speak to each other.

Do you think he could be having an affair? It's like he doesn't care to spend much time with myself or our yound daughter.

Any advice about how to go about this... and did you feel relief when your divorce was final??

I appreciate any and all advice because I am so depressed over all of this. Thank you.

 

[hope4today]

I can really hear that you are in a lot of pain. Firstly, I pray that you will find the comfort only Jesus can give the grieving and that you will know his peace that passess all understanding for this situation.

On the issue of advice for you marriage, from what you have said I don't believe you are at the point where you need to rush into divorce. Apart from the spiritual aspects of marriage and covenant to honour where possible ( and this is reason enough to try and sort it out before divorcing), God had very good practical reasons for saying he hates divorce. He said it because he knows how painful it is and the devastation it causes to everyone involved. The marriage bond is not easily broken. It is like trying to tear apart two pieces of paper that have been glued with super glue. Impossible without real damage. And your little girl is in the middle of those two pieces. I don't say this to scare you, because God's grace is there, even in the event of divorce. I say this to reinforce that divorce needs to be an absolutely last resort.

Is it 'possible' he is having an affair? Yes
Is it 'possible' he is NOT having an affair? Yes

I suspect there is more going on in this marriage than what you have mentioned here for this to be such a deal breaker for you.

May I suggest you find a trusted pastor or mature christian to help you work through this. I would recommend a professional christian counsellor who could help you work throught the marriage and personal issues that may be involved here.

Please leave no stone unturned in working through your marriage, before deciding to leave. If you need someone to talk to feel free to PM, I can't give you specific advice, but I can listen and pray.

With love and blessing in Jesus,

Hope

 

[confused2007]

Thank you Hope. I try to PM, but, it won't let me until I've posted five times? I'm just feeling awfully lonely. It seems like he's a totally different person. This is my first marriage (6 years), but, I had been in relationships prior and I see the warning signs of a break-up. I don't know if I ever should have married. Feeling kind of stupid for not seeing this coming.

 

[hope4today]

Thank you Hope. I try to PM, but, it won't let me until I've posted five times? I'm just feeling awfully lonely. It seems like he's a totally different person. This is my first marriage (6 years), but, I had been in relationships prior and I see the warning signs of a break-up. I don't know if I ever should have married. Feeling kind of stupid for not seeing this coming.

Don't give up yet. Signs of a break up don't mean it has to be a breakup. It just means to look at the signs and do it differently this time. Take a different path.

All relationships will hit trouble. That's what happens. It always gets tough. However, this time you are married. The difference in a marriage is the covenant you both took that says 'no matter what, I'm committed to you and we'll work through this'.

Be encouraged!! You are not stupid, you are normal. EVERY marriage hits tough times and will a number of times over the years. Marriage is not a happiness ticket, it is a tough road but can bring incredible rewards. IT is the working and growing together through the tough times that brings the true depth to relationships. It is what we do, and how we respond in those times, that makes the difference.

Bless you heaps. Don't give up. I pray you will find someone in your area who has the wisdom to help you and your husband come out of this more in love and with an even stronger marriage.

Hope

 

[Autumnleaf]

Why is he treating you differently?

Kids?

Weight gain?

No sex?

 

[catlover]

Why is he treating you differently?

Kids?

Weight gain?

No sex?

Are you serious?

 

[confused2007]

Why is he treating you differently?

Kids?

Weight gain?

No sex?

HA! I am surprised YOU are married. Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one who needs prayer.

 

[confused2007]

Are you serious?

Thank you.

 

[confused2007]

Don't give up yet. Signs of a break up don't mean it has to be a breakup. It just means to look at the signs and do it differently this time. Take a different path.

All relationships will hit trouble. That's what happens. It always gets tough. However, this time you are married. The difference in a marriage is the covenant you both took that says 'no matter what, I'm committed to you and we'll work through this'.

Be encouraged!! You are not stupid, you are normal. EVERY marriage hits tough times and will a number of times over the years. Marriage is not a happiness ticket, it is a tough road but can bring incredible rewards. IT is the working and growing together through the tough times that brings the true depth to relationships. It is what we do, and how we respond in those times, that makes the difference.

Bless you heaps. Don't give up. I pray you will find someone in your area who has the wisdom to help you and your husband come out of this more in love and with an even stronger marriage.

Hope

Thank you Hope for your encouragement. We had some time together this weekend and things are much better between us. We worked out how we can spend more time together. I really appreciate your sensitivity to this and your prayers.

God Bless you.

 

[Autumnleaf]

HA! I am surprised YOU are married. Thanks for reminding me I'm not the only one who needs prayer.

So am I and most people who meet me on the street.

Men don't just wake up one day and mistreat their wives. It takes awhile for them to realize everything they do is taken for granted and any extra effort they put into the marriage will be blown off, so its a waste of time for them to bother putting in the effort.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

It takes awhile for them to realize everything they do is taken for granted and any extra effort they put into the marriage will be blown off, so its a waste of time for them to bother putting in the effort.

Think before you type, old bean. I try to.




I say try.

 

[overit]

Geesh, you think it's possible to at least TRY to park the misogyny at the curb before posting?

 

[catlover]

So am I and most people who meet me on the street.

Men don't just wake up one day and mistreat their wives. It takes awhile for them to realize everything they do is taken for granted and any extra effort they put into the marriage will be blown off, so its a waste of time for them to bother putting in the effort.

Cry me a river.

Some "men" want mommies not wives.

 

[FLANDIDLYANDERS]

And some wives want daddies, go figure

We all mess up, but it does seem that the men do so more than the women. I base this on current experiences, rather than statistics. But, hey, as a single dad I must say that the way other men act and other husbands/ex's/dads act make me look better and better!

And then there's the men that post on CF....

 

[HuntingMan]

Men don't just wake up one day and mistreat their wives.

Im not sure what dream world youre living in, friend, but in some cases that is exactly how it happens. The guy is a loser from day one and puts up a front for a while till his worse half kicks back in (ie 'the honeymoon is over') and he reverts to his natural, worthless state.

Not that this is the case the the OPs husband, but your comment was very clearly not speaking from fact but from your own opinion.

Ive seen quite a few of these Jeckyls marry some dear, unsuspecting young woman only to become Hyde again not long after shes committed herself to a lifetime of hell and torment.

so yes, it can happen in cases where a woman is a fantastic wife.

 

[HuntingMan]

Cry me a river.

Some "men" want mommies not wives.

And some want punching bags.

 

[Autumnleaf]

Some guys think their wives should be supportive. They don't realize their wives treat them based on how they are treated. I don't know what it is but I realized my mistake shortly after I posted that. Women treat us based on how we treat them... Pimps know and understand this, so should the rest of us.