Question About Newborns & Visitors

OrangeHope · May 26, 2008

I'm wondering how you all feel about having a new born baby brought home from the hospital and every one wants to come visit you and the baby, would you let them come right away? what about guessed that life far away and need to stay with you for a while?

Theres this lady who I know will wanna come see my when my baby is born but I don't want her to cause she'll be coming from far away and she'll wanna stay a few weeks. As DH and I see it, it's our time to bond with our new baby with out having company around, I would just feel like I need to entertain then. I don't really mind visitors that live close by since they'll only be coming over for an hour or two. DH and I are planning a round trip maybe 2-3 months after the baby is born so every one can meet him/her. I just don't really want people coming to us, I like to cook and clean every thing on my own even when I'm not feeling so well, I just like it all done my way even if people want to help out I'll just feel like I owe them, KWIM?

Do I have a right to tell people to back off and let them know this is mine and DH's time to bond with our baby and we'll let every one meet the baby when we're ready?

sthatting · May 26, 2008

Well, I come from a large family and what you are feeling is natural. If you don't feel comfortable, don't do it. Now's the time to use that "mother's intuition."

~Nikki~ · May 26, 2008

My in-laws are staying with us for a month starting on Wednesday - I'm due on June 5th.

Yes, you lose out on some precious 'alone time' but we'll gain as well because it means they'll be able to help us out while we're adjusting to having two children.

Having said that, if it was anyone other than my in-laws we'd say no, we need time to adjust as a family before having anyone to stay - perhaps in a couple of months.

Don't be pressured if you don't want your friend to stay - you'll have enough on your plate as it is, without being resentful of having to look after a guest when you've got a new bub to adjust to. They should totally understand this.

sthatting · May 26, 2008

I might also add that I came from a VERY big family. I suppose after 15+ children, the personal private time kinda loses out.

TCat · May 26, 2008

If you'd rather she not come then suggest that she visit later. Set your bounderies now, if you don't want her then say so and stick to it. There is no need to feel guilty, this is your time, your kid, your home, if she chooses to feel hurt or think you're rude that is up to her.

OrangeHope · May 26, 2008

Thanks every one!
I know I won't want her around because having her it will feel like she's here forever, plus she's a very pushy lady and I really don't need that right now. I'm gonna let her know that when DH and I plan that round trip we'll come see her instead of her coming to us. it's just too much stress and pressure.

sthatting · May 26, 2008

OrangeHope said:
Thanks every one!
I know I won't want her around because having her it will feel like she's here forever, plus she's a very pushy lady and I really don't need that right now. I'm gonna let her know that when DH and I plan that round trip we'll come see her instead of her coming to us. it's just too much stress and pressure.

Good plan. That way no one gets hurt.

~Nikki~ · May 26, 2008

OrangeHope said:
Thanks every one!
I know I won't want her around because having her it will feel like she's here forever, plus she's a very pushy lady and I really don't need that right now. I'm gonna let her know that when DH and I plan that round trip we'll come see her instead of her coming to us. it's just too much stress and pressure.

I think that sounds like a good idea!

OrangeHope · May 26, 2008

sthatting said:
Good plan. That way no one gets hurt.

I hope she won't get hurt. Thing is she sees me as a daughter since she doesn't have kids of her own. From the start she's been very pushy and now that she found out I'm pregnant she's taking this 'daughter' issue too far thinking she's gonna really be a Grandma and even made plans twice to come visit me without letting me know first! thats why I don't want her around.

lin1235 · May 26, 2008

That is tricky... but you need to do what's best for your family first. If she ends up feeling hurt about it, well she's allowed to feel whatever she wants to feel. She can't hold you hostage by demanding a place in your life and then being hurt if you won't yield that to her.

WRT the original question on what to do with a newborn and visitors: When dd was born we let all the friends and family know that they could visit the Sunday after we came out of hospital from 3pm to 4pm to come see the baby and congratulate us etc. We felt it was better to have a full house for an hour, rather than people dropping by all the time. It worked well - of course dd slept through the whole thing, so nobody got to hold her, but all in all I was glad because I didn't feel like having to force people to wash their hands!

Hadassah · May 26, 2008

I remember always hearing that having the family around (close family as in your parents, his parents and your siblings) is 'ok' but be careful especially if they're sick or have been around sick people and just find a nice way to turn down the visit.

If you're down or feeling low or still "recovering" it's also ok to deny a visit.

As far as shopping or the whole church family or whatever.. give it a month or so...

Sign Of The Fish Burger · May 26, 2008

You need to do whats best for your family. My parents live 4000 miles away and my mom is planning on coming out for about a month or so when the baby is born (she's just going to stay through xmas) and my dad is going to fly out after her around the 17th of Dec for the holidays. For me this is just about the biggest blessing ever.

I won't have to do a thing. My parents will take care of every little need I'll have. My mom told me that if I want to stay in bed the entire time they are here to rest, to do it. I won't have to think about cooking or cleaning or grocery shopping. It will be great.

And if anything, with the holidays I really won't have to worry about entertaining or whatever. If people want to visit I won't have to worry about being a good hostess. I can just sit back with bubs and let mom and dad do all the work.

Now if only I could convince her to come out NOW and weigh on me for the remainder of my pregnancy

~Mrs. A2J~ · May 26, 2008

You have every right to say to ANYBODY that you won't be having visitors for x amount of time after baby is born. The biggest change that occured in me with becoming a parent was learning that I had to advocate for me and my child. That everyone has their own ideas and opinions and if I wanted things to go the way that *I* wanted then I had to be assertive and stand up for myself. That goes for having visitors, well meaning parents who think you should have started solids already, those that think you're a monster for spanking, etc, etc. When it comes to parenting there's always going to be someone who challenges the way you do things. So first rule of parenting is acknowledging that YOU'RE the parent and it's ok for you to assert your parental authority.

As far as when to accept visitors I think it depends on who the visitors are. As some have said, they loved having people there right from the start because they were helpful. Other people won't even consider visitors because they feel like they would have to entertain and the visitors would monopolize the baby. Personally for me apart from quick visits (where we took the baby to the visitors so we had the option of leaving at any point of time) we didn't have anyone come and stay with us until 6 weeks after the baby was born. Even though my family is not over bearing and I didn't feel the need to entertain them I was still happy to have had that time where my daughter could just bond with me and my hubby. To where I had gotten comfortable with having a baby and I wasn't trying to learn to take care of baby infront of people so I wasn't self conscious. I was also happy to have breastfeeding established so that I was comfortable with it and didn't feel like I needed to leave the room because baby was still learning how to latch and things like that.

From your post though it really seems like you have the answer to your question. It doesn't sound like the person in question would be good to have visit at the time they want to come. And yes, it IS ok to tell them no.

GolfingMom · May 26, 2008

OrangeHope said:
I'm wondering how you all feel about having a new born baby brought home from the hospital and every one wants to come visit you and the baby, would you let them come right away?

Sure I came home on a Tuesday and had people over that same day. Baby slept most of the time so I enjoyed chatting with the adults. My mom brought over groceries for me so I didn't have to make anything

I didn't take much time sitting at home though. I found I preferred being out and about. Baby was 5 days and we were out with the stroller walking around. I think the fresh air and being out is what helped me not get blue

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · May 26, 2008

We had people who you couldn't reign in (my mum, MIL) come to us at the hospital for a quick visit - mind you we stayed at the hospital less than 24hrs with my first and not much more with my second, so they had to get there quickly!
At home, we have a 'call and book' unspoken rule, so I could just kindly turn down the visit if I needed. Visitors didn't really bother me - but if they stayed too long it would REALLY bother me! What Mrs.A2J said was perfect, you are the parent now so it's up to you...

-~Truth_N_Trust~- · May 26, 2008

We had people who you couldn't reign in (my mum, MIL) come to us at the hospital for a quick visit - mind you we stayed at the hospital less than 24hrs with my first and not much more with my second, so they had to get there quickly!
At home, we have a 'call and book' unspoken rule, so I could just kindly turn down the visit if I needed. Visitors didn't really bother me - but if they stayed too long it would REALLY bother me! What Mrs.A2J said was perfect, you are the parent now so it's up to you...

angelsgirl · May 26, 2008

We had our entire families (immediate ones) at the hospital at 2am to see the baby! They were allowed one by one up to see her.
And the following days we always had visitiors. I don't think there has been a day go by where someone hasn't been around to see the baby!!!
I really like it... I very rarely have to hold the baby when she is crying with all the family around... they fight over who gets to calm her down!!! I think its going to be this way for all our children!

gracepaints · May 26, 2008

Anyone who comes should know to visit only briefly and to come bearing food or an offer to do housework. I'm serious. Childbirth and life with a newborn is VERY hard on your body and emotions. I personally think new moms shouldn't even get out of bed to do anything but go to the bathroom the first week. Just rest and nurse the baby. That's all. No entertaining guests, etc. I did TOO much after our baby was born and it made recovery a lot harder.

Hadassah · May 27, 2008

gracepaints said:
Anyone who comes should know to visit only briefly and to come bearing food or an offer to do housework. I'm serious. Childbirth and life with a newborn is VERY hard on your body and emotions. I personally think new mom's shouldn't even get out of bed to do anything but go to the bathroom the first week. Just rest and nurse the baby. That's all. No entertaining guests, etc. I did TOO much after our baby was born and it made recovery a lot harder.

QFT

Singin4Him · May 27, 2008

gracepaints said:
Anyone who comes should know to visit only briefly and to come bearing food or an offer to do housework. I'm serious. Childbirth and life with a newborn is VERY hard on your body and emotions. I personally think new mom's shouldn't even get out of bed to do anything but go to the bathroom the first week. Just rest and nurse the baby. That's all. No entertaining guests, etc. I did TOO much after our baby was born and it made recovery a lot harder.

I totally agree with this and wished I would have done this myself!

The day we came home my entire family came over with good intentions to cook for us and get us settled but I wished I would have just had my mom over and not EVEYONE else. It wasn't that they were a bother but it was just too much commotion for the first night home after 4 days in the hospital and no sleep. I even regretted letting my in-laws come over for the first couple weeks, they said they were coming over to bring us food but they was their round about way to come over and see the new baby. We just had no time to ourselves for the first few weeks which I wish we did differently. Our whole family even stayed in our hospital room visiting us and the baby the ENTIRE fire day I had the baby and came to visit a while all 4 days we were there...that was a huge mistake. I was so too nice to say "get out I'm about to fall asleep talking to you", next time we're going to have set rules long before that event. Next time it will be MUCH different!

It's what is best for you and baby and trust me you need all the rest you can get!! Don't feel pressured to have everyone over right away, if they don't understand...too bad they didn't just give birth and are now taking care of a very demanding little person .

Question About Newborns & Visitors

Contributor

Veteran

aka northstar

Veteran

Daily surrender

Contributor

Veteran

aka northstar

Contributor

Jana's mommy!

Well-Known Member

Black holes are where God divided by zero.

According to your faith will it be done to you

Is gone...

gone

gone

angelsgirl

Guest

gracepaints

Guest

Well-Known Member

Here I am Lord, send me!

Similar threads

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency