Question about counseling

[Tangled24]

I was toying with the fact on going to counseling

Also toying with the fact of taking my husband with me. Idk, what happened to me before we were married affects our marriage in a lot of ways I dont think he (or I) really fully understand. Has anyone else ever taken a significant other with them to therapy? Or even, has therapy worked for you? The thought of re living everything that happened over my life to some stranger alone gives me anxiety, but I am not sure what else to try at this point and I really want my husband to understand my daily struggles and why I do a lot of the things that I do..

Thanks

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Hi Tangled!
I think this is a common question amongst married couples when they decide that counseling is appropriate for their marriage. It sounds like the events that took place before you were married are having a great impact on your marriage. If that is the case, I would urge you to first seek counseling alone. A good marriage and family therapist should begin with one joint session and then work with each individual in separate sessions before getting to the joint sessions.
I think it would be a wise decision to first begin to work on yourself and then integrate into marital therapy once you have gained more knowledge and healing about your past.
I am not married so I cannot personally attest to the strain that these past events can put on a marriage, although, I know that if I were currently married or in a serious relationship, that my relationship would indeed suffer because of what has happened in my past. I see a therapist once a week and have made great progess within this one year span that I've been going. I truly believe that therapy works. It is most successful when you are comfortable with your therapist, honest, and committed to working on the issues at hand. If you aren't comfortable with that person, move on until you find someone you feel most safe with and can establish a great bond with. It is going to be hard work, but don't be afraid of that because the outcomes are invaluable.
Healing is an ongoing process. But in order for you to have a successful marriage and maintain that success, healing must take place in not only you, but your husband as well.
I wish you all the best!

 

[simplegospel1144]

If modern psychology is used, or attempted to be mixed with Jesus, it will not work. Darkness has nothing to do with Light. It will bury you deeper with more man-based theory. Jesus has the only truth, and the truth will set you free if you knock.

 

[RuthD]

I am praying for your anxiety and worry about counseling. I think it is a great idea. You will probably get better and your husband will understand you more.

 

[elephunky]

I attended counseling on my own for something that happened to me when I was young. It was extremely beneficial. It not longer sits in the back of my mind and some of the hurdles/demons/psychological walls that were constantly there became less and less of an issue the more I progressed.

Sometimes its just a matter of finding a counselor that works for you (and clicks with you). I was lucky that the first person I went to see was the right one for me.

 

[Tiberius]

I was toying with the fact on going to counseling

Also toying with the fact of taking my husband with me. Idk, what happened to me before we were married affects our marriage in a lot of ways I dont think he (or I) really fully understand. Has anyone else ever taken a significant other with them to therapy? Or even, has therapy worked for you? The thought of re living everything that happened over my life to some stranger alone gives me anxiety, but I am not sure what else to try at this point and I really want my husband to understand my daily struggles and why I do a lot of the things that I do..

Thanks

I say go for it, take him with you.

It will be good to have a loved one with you. It will also help him understand what you went through.

My gf and I go together when we go to the doctors, and there's no way I'd stay behind if she went to counselling for something like this (she's also a victim of sexual assault, BTW).

 

[dysert]

I too would encourage both of you to go to counseling. You both need to truly understand how past events have lingering results in the present. What you went through back then has shaped you into who you are now -- it's not just something that happened in the past. It has produced effects that you're (both) living with today. The better you're able to understand that the better you'll be able to understand why you think/feel/act the way you do now.