babyangel said:
I also agree seebs, although God was not in my life when I chose to marry my husband, I took my vows seriously. I had no idea any views on marriage or divorce in the bible. I was a good wife according to the bible. I did make vows to him, AND I NEVER BROKE THEM, but my problem is that he has broken every vow to me, except being unfaithful sexually, I mean I can bring in his addiction to porn etc into play and that is a whole other area I do not care to discuss.
Oh, dear.
See, now we get into the meat of things.
I was about to reply, but it was nearly time for church, so I took this with me to consider during worship.
I think you have some fairly important questions, but you have not asked the most important question. To save trouble, I will answer it.
God loves you, and will always love you, no matter how you resolve this.
If you screw this up, if you make a hash of things... God will still love you, and your sins will be forgiven.
If what you end up doing was not the right choice... God will still love you, and your sins will be forgiven.
If what you are called to do is beyond your strength, and you fall short... God will still love you, and your sins will be forgiven.
You will get a lot of advice. We love to discuss marriage and its implications, and there's a handful of passages with teachings on it, which not all churches understand the same way. You will get a lot of advice, and some of it will be conflicting advice. You may be told that you are not married, that you are married, that your marriage is valid, that it is invalid, that it never happened... People will say a lot of things. Not all of them will be true, although we will all mean well.
You will be on trial here, which is unfair to you and unproductive in resolving your problems. You will be accused of not really trying to do God's will... Which is funny, given that you're here asking for help understanding God's will.
Once again: If out of the tangle of answers you get, the one you trust is not true, your sins are still forgiven. God will not turn His back on you over an honest misunderstanding.
Do not let the fear of getting this wrong paralyze you.
But he cant be sorry for what he has done because he keeps doing it and can not undertand why I am upset.
That sounds like a serious problem, and like he may not be taking your concerns seriously.
So that was the basis of one of my questions. Could I leave him and remarry before becoming a Christian would it make things more right for me? Or if I believe I am doing nothing wrong can I become a Christian now and then divorce him and then go on my soulmate journey?
You can do either of those things. I would ask whether you are sure reconcilliation is impossible. Is it possible that, while he does not currently understand, he could come to understand?
I assume he at least occasionally gave the impression of listening to you before you got married, or you wouldn't have married him. He can't be utterly without redeeming features.
Another likely question: Have you talked about counseling?
When we say our vows when we get married before others, where did they come from, there is nothing in the bible that says these are the vows that need to be said (nothing I have seen, so if you know of anything let me know
Well if you want to say till death do us part, well he is dead to me for how he treated me.
"Well the license says you had to stick around
until I was dead
Well if you're tired of looking at my face
I guess I already am"
I am wrong because I don't submit to him and give him sex. Well sex is not just physcial sex is an intimate act of two people loving each other to the highest level. There are other ways of showing that love, and if those other ways are not met then the physical means nothing, the fact he still wanted sex with me, just shows physcial desire not love. I would feel like nothing more than a prostitute if I slept with him again because I dont respect trust or love him in that way for betraying me so badly.
It sounds to me like these are serious issues which would need some work to resolve, certainly. I think you should just tell him what you just told us.
"Right now, it feels like you don't respect me or care about me, you just want to get laid. I'd feel like an underpaid prostitute if I gave you meaningless sex to satisfy your urges when you're not even willing to listen to me or take the time to understand my feelings."
If he cares, he'll listen. If he can't accept that you have strong feelings, you will need external counseling to recover the marriage; if that's not an option, you're in a pretty bad place.
But remember: God still loves you, and will love you no matter what you do. It's okay. Things will work out somehow, and you will survive. Do not let people judge you or tell you otherwise.