Pushing myself...

BlondieLashes · Sep 19, 2012

rowantree said:
GREAT stuff Court. Let us know how you go. We're not going anywhere LOL

You are an angel rowantree! I got my son dropped off at school and found his lost jacket! Now I need to push myself to go shower and get ready to volunteer. The last time I volunteered a few hours I totally wiped myself out so I am praying for strength and the ability to have enough energy and patience to be a good mom this evening.

Criada · Sep 19, 2012

Praying that the volunteering isn't too tiring and that you have a much better evening, sweetie.
You're doing incredibly well

rowantree · Sep 19, 2012

Praying Court. You are doing an amazing job.

SplendidTree · Sep 19, 2012

Praying for you now.

BlondieLashes · Sep 19, 2012

Thank you for the prayers!!! The volunteering went well. I didn't feel over anxious or tired. The battle has begun since I picked my son up from school though. When I am depressed my patience is low. Getting him through his homework was like pulling teeth. He and I were arguing for which I apologized to him later. I hate it when I raise my voice to him. He does not deserve it. I love him sooooo much! Praying that he will be obedient the rest of the night. Praying I don't feel so on edge. Praying we can get through bath (he has sensory issues so bath time is tough) and bedtime without a fight. I am considering having his doctor put him back on melatonin. He just can't soothe himself to sleep. He has one of those weighted blankets and I lay down with him 'til he falls asleep... I just can't take another 2 hour routine to sleep tonight.

Criada · Sep 19, 2012

I'm glad the voluteering went well
Sorry things are difficult with your son - praying that he gets through bath and bed time easily and without stress
Keep going, sis - you're almost through another day!

BlondieLashes · Sep 19, 2012

Criada said:
I'm glad the voluteering went well
Sorry things are difficult with your son - praying that he gets through bath and bed time easily and without stress
Keep going, sis - you're almost through another day!

Thanks so much Honey! I just want to be a "good Mom".

On top of being depressed with this med change - my Mom just called out of the blue and said," I know I should have left your father years ago. I was just afraid that if I re-married the man would have raped you." :o What an absolutely idiotic thing to say! Why would she even say that? My dad abused me as long as I can remember...and why the heck would she think that she would have to re-marry and why the heck would she feel the need to call me on 9/19/12 in the evening and announce it? Has the whole world gone crazy or is it just me?

rowantree · Sep 19, 2012

Great that the volunteering went well. Sorry to hear that it is so tough for your son. That makes it tough on you too, and more tough because you love him so much. Bless him. And bless you too. Praying that you and his doc can sort out what he needs to help him.

You know what Court - you are a BRILLIANT mom. Keep going - another day almost through and you have done amazingly. We're still going nowhere ! Stay in touch. Praying.

rowantree · Sep 19, 2012

Oh Court, I just read about what your mom said. What a thing to tell you and especially at this difficult time for you. You are far from crazy Court. You are amazing. You have guts and determination. This past two days you have shown what you are made of. Depression is so hard to beat, and you have done it. You can get there Court. I know you can. My mom says stupid things like that as well - it isn't easy, but try to put it out of your head for now and concentrate on what you have to do and on getting through this horrible depression. I pray that it eases very soon. Stay in touch. Love ya sis.

BlondieLashes · Sep 19, 2012

rowantree said:
Oh Court, I just read about what your mom said. What a thing to tell you and especially at this difficult time for you. You are far from crazy Court. You are amazing. You have guts and determination. This past two days you have shown what you are made of. Depression is so hard to beat, and you have done it. You can get there Court. I know you can. My mom says stupid things like that as well - it isn't easy, but try to put it out of your head for now and concentrate on what you have to do and on getting through this horrible depression. I pray that it eases very soon. Stay in touch. Love ya sis.

Thanks for the kind words of encouragement sis! I really appreciate it.... Her phone call just hit me from out of the blue. I can do this (beat the depression) - I KNOW I can with the Lord! (And with you guys praying for me!) Thanks again....off to take care of Andrew...

rowantree · Sep 19, 2012

Know what it is like for a phone call from mom to hit you out of the blue. Mine does that too. Drives you crazy doesn't it ! I know how hard it is to ignore calls like this and to not let it throw you. Been there so many times myself. Praying for you Court, that it does not throw you off course. I am so happy to know how determined you are to beat this. God bless you. You are a wonderful mom.

Criada · Sep 19, 2012

Moms can be very hard to deal with - mine has rung twice today, once threatening suicide, once just ranting at me
I know it's hard, sweetie , but try not to let it affect you - remember you have a father who loves you completely and uncinditionally, whatever your earth;ly parents are like
Praying the evening is relaxing sweetie - I'm off to bed now.

BlondieLashes · Sep 20, 2012

Thank you all so much for the encouragement and prayers! Last night went okay...only an hour for Andrew to get to sleep (thank you Lord).

Today is going okay...got Andrew to school, went for a walk (which was difficult) and now I need to shower and clean, do laundry, etc. All I want to do today is sleep. I think I am figuring out part of my problem with wanting to sleep so much. When I'm awake I worry about Andrew (I know we are not supposed to worry, but pray, which I do) and if he's okay at school. If anything ever happens to that boy I would just die. He is my heart. So, it's easier to sleep and be relieved of the worry temporarily. Not the best solution I know...

rowantree · Sep 20, 2012

Awww, Court, your love for your son comes through so clearly. Understand why you feel you want to sleep - sometimes I would rather do that than worry about the issues I have to worry about (or rather, do worry about LOL). It seems so much easier doesn't it. You did real well to go for a walk. You are doing so well and I know that you can beat it today as well. Praying for you Court.

Criada · Sep 20, 2012

Glad last night was easier.
And going for a walk is great.. well done!! I know how worry can exhaust you and make you just want to escape by sleeping... you're doing really well recognising and avoiding that! Remember, God loves our children even more than we do - though I know it's hard not to worry about them.
Praying for you

BlondieLashes · Sep 20, 2012

Okay...I'm busted... I slept for two hours. I am feeling better now though (who wouldn't after a two hour nap)...And feel somewhat ready to face the afternoon and evening.

My son has a "Daddy and Son Pizza Night" at school tonight which has me somewhat concerned. I am such a freak. I don't like my son going anywhere without me (yes, I have issues). I am afraid he is going to get hit by a car or in an accident or something. The last time my husband and son went out together without me they were in a car accident (Neither of them were seriously hurt, but still...)

And it does not get me out of cooking dinner as the event isn't scheduled "til 6pm and my son likes to eat as soon as he gets home from school. Then he'll be getting home past his usual bath time, which will make bed time late, etc.

Wow. As I type this out I realize how hard it is for me to let go and let God take control. I need to remember He loves my son even more than I do.

Well, I am praying my son stays safe the rest of the day/night and that our evening routines will go well and he will fall asleep easily. I am also praying that God will give me peace.

Thanks again to those of you that are praying for/encouraging me through this time... You are amazing!

rowantree · Sep 20, 2012

Oh how I relate to the problem of letting God take control ! Praying for the rest of the day for you Court. Yes, God loves your son beyond measure - and He knows how much you love him too. What a lucky boy he is! Praying.

BlondieLashes · Sep 21, 2012

Praying to get through this weekend. So far I have been growled at, hit and yelled at (by my son) since picking him up from school.

I am trying to find inner strength and strength in God.

I feel really down.

rowantree · Sep 21, 2012

Court, I hear your cry and your pain. God does, too. I will pray with you that you get through this weekend. It sounds so tough right now. Wish I could do more, but am here for support and to send some love and a hug too if that is ok. Please keep coming back here if you can - just to say what is happening is a kind of release maybe?

Rooting for you gal. You have been brilliant so far. You are a really good mother. Really praying hard for you right now. xx

TomCS · Sep 21, 2012

I'll continue praying for you.

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