Punishing Yourself...

[startrekfan1]

Hey there again yall,

Just wanted to ask this question.

Have you ever been so obsessed over something that you just wanted to punish yourself?

For example, say that your OCD causes you to say or think something blasphemous. You obsess and do your rituals. Did you ever just wanted to admit that you were pure evil because then at least you could confirm something instead of living with doubt?

Another thing, do you ever feel like you couldn't live without the abuse OCD provides? That you have become so accustomed to the panic attacks and dread that it has become second nature and "normal" to you?

Thanks for the comments guys.

 

[Jayangel81]

I have been a cutter for years, and there have been quite a few occasions where I was decieved in believing I was pure evil because of the thoughts and whatnot and have cut myself due to it.

There have also been known compulsions to hit themselves when thoughts occur, I have had it and my friend has as well.

I do not hang on this section of the forums anymore so you can PM me anytime you want if you need to talk.

 

[LadyL]

I was reading something great this morning. It reminded me of my OCD bouts sometimes, although people will disagree on whether it's spiritual or mental- I was comforted by this:

Mark 5
The Healing of a Demon-possessed Man

1They went across the lake to the region of the Gerasenes.[a] 2When Jesus got out of the boat, a man with an evil[b] spirit came from the tombs to meet him. 3This man lived in the tombs, and no one could bind him any more, not even with a chain. 4For he had often been chained hand and foot, but he tore the chains apart and broke the irons on his feet. No one was strong enough to subdue him. 5Night and day among the tombs and in the hills he would cry out and cut himself with stones.

6When he saw Jesus from a distance, he ran and fell on his knees in front of him. 7He shouted at the top of his voice, "What do you want with me, Jesus, Son of the Most High God? Swear to God that you won't torture me!" 8For Jesus had said to him, "Come out of this man, you evil spirit!"
9Then Jesus asked him, "What is your name?"
"My name is Legion," he replied, "for we are many." 10And he begged Jesus again and again not to send them out of the area.
11A large herd of pigs was feeding on the nearby hillside. 12The demons begged Jesus, "Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them." 13He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.
14Those tending the pigs ran off and reported this in the town and countryside, and the people went out to see what had happened. 15When they came to Jesus, they saw the man who had been possessed by the legion of demons, sitting there, dressed and in his right mind; and they were afraid. 16Those who had seen it told the people what had happened to the demon-possessed man—and told about the pigs as well. 17Then the people began to plead with Jesus to leave their region. 18As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you." 20So the man went away and began to tell in the Decapolis[c]how much Jesus had done for him. And all the people were amazed.

I was reminded that even through all these OCD bouts, God still has mercy on us.