Protecting Purity

[promise]

I began dating a guy I met online 2 months ago. We talked 2 weeks over the phone and through text before we met face to face. Over the phone, he seemed like a nice guy, he has his own singles ministry, a degree in ministry, he was positive, quoted scripture and mentioned how if we started a relationship we would pray together, study the Bible together, and go to church. All of that sounds good right? Well it was until he started talking about his love language being physical touch. There's nothing wrong with that but I think he used that to justify his want for premarital sex. I told him early where I stood on that and he said he would wait. I don't believe he told me the truth about waiting though. During our short lived dating period, he mentioned taking me on vacation to relax, to do fun things, and to make love. He even mentioned to me he would love for us to play fight and make love afterwards. He even told me that God gave him a vision that we had made love and had pillow talk afterwards. He had told me I could come over to his place sometimes and spend the night. At the end of our third date he made me uncomfortable. I went to give him a hug and he held me for 15 minutes. I tried to break the hug but he held on tighter. So tight that I couldn't move. He started rambling about his plans for me as his wife. I was so scared and uncomfortable. None of what he was saying sounded godly to me, so I had a talk with him to break things off. I let him know this wasn't working for me and he of course wanted to know why. I told him that I wanted a man that was just as interested in protecting my purity and my relationship with God as I am and would be for him. The guy got offended that I would question his motives and his walk with God. I don't think I was wrong with how I felt. I don't think this interaction was healthy nor normal. Some of my friends make me feel as though I was being too harsh, and can't expect even a godly man to strive to protect purity. Am I wrong to want that and to expect that?


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[quatona]

I began dating a guy I met online 2 months ago. We talked 2 weeks over the phone and through text before we met face to face. Over the phone, he seemed like a nice guy, he has his own singles ministry, a degree in ministry, he was positive, quoted scripture and mentioned how if we started a relationship we would pray together, study the Bible together, and go to church. All of that sounds good right? Well it was until he started talking about his love language being physical touch. There's nothing wrong with that but I think he used that to justify his want for premarital sex. I told him early where I stood on that and he said he would wait. I don't believe he told me the truth about waiting though. During our short lived dating period, he mentioned taking me on vacation to relax, to do fun things, and to make love. He even mentioned to me he would love for us to play fight and make love afterwards. He even told me that God gave him a vision that we had made love and had pillow talk afterwards. He had told me I could come over to his place sometimes and spend the night. At the end of our third date he made me uncomfortable. I went to give him a hug and he held me for 15 minutes. I tried to break the hug but he held on tighter. So tight that I couldn't move. He started rambling about his plans for me as his wife. I was so scared and uncomfortable. None of what he was saying sounded godly to me, so I had a talk with him to break things off. I let him know this wasn't working for me and he of course wanted to know why. I told him that I wanted a man that was just as interested in protecting my purity and my relationship with God as I am and would be for him. The guy got offended that I would question his motives and his walk with God. I don't think I was wrong with how I felt. I don't think this interaction was healthy nor normal. Some of my friends make me feel as though I was being too harsh, and can't expect even a godly man to strive to protect purity. Am I wrong to want that and to expect that?

Feelings aren´t right or wrong.
Neither are expectations - it´s just that they mightn´t be met.

 

[PeterDona]

Some of my friends make me feel as though I was being too harsh, and can't expect even a godly man to strive to protect purity. Am I wrong to want that and to expect that?

Did he already propose?

 

[promise]

Did he already propose?

No we only had 3 dates and I broke it off. We didn't seem to be on the same page.


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[S.O.J.I.A.]

you did the right thing in cutting him lose.

 

[rubyinprogress]

If you were uncomfortable then you were uncomfortable. Your friends weren't the ones there hearing his words and being "hugged" etc. Don't doubt yourself. God gave you intuition for your protection. I have regretted when I didn't listen to mine. Sounds to me like he was moving way too fast, and I have known guys to say "if you want to wait, I'll wait." But that is not the same as a man having his own commitment to purity.

 

[dayhiker]

Doesn't sound to me like he is listening to you. So he isn't respecting you. Even if you didn't see anything wrong with sex before marriage, I'd say this guy doesn't know anything about how to love a woman. Let him grow up a lot before dating him.