Protecting Our Children

[ZACTAK]

As an adult that was verbally and mentally abused as a child, I have really taken the rights of children to heart, and have grown a special place in my heart for all children, good or "bad." I have recently grown interested in ways to protect the innocence of children by making adults and children alike more aware of child abuse. I have also grown interested in researching and helping to advocate a way to reduce child abductions and harsher penalties for criminals commiting crimes against children. I wanted some insight into what you all can come up with on better ways of protecting our children.

Yes, I do understand that these things will always happen, but we can try to reduce the crimes commited against children.

 

[Matt Never Existed]

Umm..

Get more involved with the children of this world. (Be it neighbor's children, your child's friends, your students.)

If you are able to show them that you just want to be their friend, they normally open up and will be honest with you.

 

[James T]

You, me, and everyone is reponsible for harm that comes to a child. No excuses.

 

[Antoninus Verus]

This is a delicate matter. You need to get the combination of protection and independance just right. If you are too protective, your child is sheltered and has difficulty dealing with the world. If you arent protective enough, your child may grow up thinking you dont care or may get seriously hurt, physically or mentally.

Many parents are over-protective, smothering. Even though most of them have the best intentions, they go about it the wrong way. They keep thier children so close that it retards the child's emotional growth. A myraid of things can happen but these are the most common.

1. The child becomes reliant on the parent because the parent takes over the child's life. The child starts to depend on other people and doesnt learn self reliance. This can often lead to a very needy person.

2. The child becomes sheltered. The years of shielding by the parent prevent the child from experiencing the necciscary experiences that allow them to cope with life. These children sometimes become extremely shy and anti-social becuase they dont know how to communicate effectively.

3(most common). The child becomes angry and resentful of the parent's over-zealous control and it creates bad blood between the child and parent. The child usually doesnt trust the parent and tries as best they can to shut them out of thier life, fearing the parent's overbearing control.

 

[delvaughn]

So, how exactly do we teach our children about "good touch/bad touch," strangers, abuse, etc. without scaring them? My three-year-old will run up to ANYONE, and it scares me to death. I want her to be safe...but I don't want to kill her outgoing, warm, friendly spirit.

 

[James T]

So, how exactly do we teach our children about "good touch/bad touch," strangers, abuse, etc. without scaring them? My three-year-old will run up to ANYONE, and it scares me to death. I want her to be safe...but I don't want to kill her outgoing, warm, friendly spirit.

Teach them self-reliance, independence and to trust and act on their beliefs. Don't kid yourself that you protect them in failing to make them aware of some of the harm that can come to them and that people can be a source of great harm.

My son was most dissappointed that we couldn't go and see the bad people in prison as we drove past, I had to point out they did not look any different to the rest of us, just that their choices in life were different.

Antoninus Verus,

I dislike the word delicate when applied to children. They are very robust and if the abilities are treated with respect can handle a great deal in a matter of fact way. Also, I consider pampering and creating undue dependence harms development.

 

[ZACTAK]

This is just an idea I had in my mind a few weeks ago when I was in a class and had to write a paper on this issue, although I dropped the class and didn't get to write it...

this is a reminder this was an idea, I have not researched it past an idea, and I have not thought too indepth about it, although I do plan on eventually researching this idea:

1. Require all parents to go through a training course about child abuse and other things related to it... before the parents have children, it can be incorporated into lamaze (sp?) classes.

I will stick with this one for now, see what others think, and then maybe add a couple more ideas I have come up with.

 

[James T]

1. Require all parents to go through a training course about child abuse and other things related to it... before the parents have children, it can be incorporated into lamaze (sp?) classes.

And like so many of these things the people who need it the most will not attend.

 

[ZACTAK]

And like so many of these things the people who need it the most will not attend.

This is true, but it could be used as a trial in many cities to see what the turnout rate is, somehow make an incentive for people to come.... but even if people don't come, we could get the knowledge out there that parents need to know regarding their own children as well as the children around them, neighbors, other family members, etc.

 

[SnowBear]

So, how exactly do we teach our children about "good touch/bad touch," strangers, abuse, etc. without scaring them? My three-year-old will run up to ANYONE, and it scares me to death. I want her to be safe...but I don't want to kill her outgoing, warm, friendly spirit.

Sadly most child abuse, and almost all child adductions and child sexual assaults are committed not by strangers but by people the child knows and trusts. For example the most likely to sexually assault a child is the child’s father or the man romantically/sexually involved with the child’s mother.

 

[caitlincares]

There are many websites with helpful advice for parents...
http://www.pollyklaas.org/safe/index.htm
http://www.klaaskids.org/pg-prot.htm

 

[caitlincares]

Many persons that sexually abuse children were
also physically, sexually, and/or mentally abused as children themselves.
Somehow they do not understand EMPATHY - they just do not care.

I say this to mention the need to make sure victims are provided with counseling so the cycle does not continue.
Victims tend to have no self esteem - that needs to be worked on.

 

[ZACTAK]

Sadly most child abuse, and almost all child adductions and child sexual assaults are committed not by strangers but by people the child knows and trusts. For example the most likely to sexually assault a child is the child’s father or the man romantically/sexually involved with the child’s mother.

This is very true. Most crimes committed against a person is a crime committed by someone the person knows. Did you know that mother's are more likely to physically abuse their children than the father because the mother is with the children more often? This is why I think it is important that we put into the mind set of people that it is OK to report child abuse, especially if it is your husband or wife doing it. I have read a Child Called It, the book about the little boy that was abused by his mother... his father sat around and did nothing to stop it. This is a problem that we need to look into and fix it... A few years ago a U.S. surgeon general was quoted as saying something to the effect of our children are being abused, and this is the most important public policy issue, but it is so secretive. Something has to change! And that is my intention.

I might be young, but I lived through nearly 20 years of being verbally and mentally abused by my father while my mother stood by and let it happen. Growing up, I thought it was a normal thing for kids to be yelled at, put down and see the things I saw. When I got out on my own, I quickly realized why I have always been a quiet person, why I am uncomfortable around other men, and why I have trust issues among other things. I was completely unaware that I was being abused because I was not adequately educated.

This brings me to my second idea, I believe in educating children on child abuse, and things to look out for... but it would obviously have to be taught in a way that a child doesn't think if they are spanked or if they are yelled at by their parents that they need to go to the police. We need to let them know what symptoms child abuse shows, and let them know that if they are being abused that it is OK to go to the police and report it, or to tell a teacher because most children that are being abused are too afraid to tell anyone that it is going on... and it is sad because a lot of the times teachers and principals and police won't believe them and so they will send them back to their parents where they get beat for telling.

 

[ZACTAK]

There are many websites with helpful advice for parents...
http://www.pollyklaas.org/safe/index.htm
http://www.klaaskids.org/pg-prot.htm

Thanks for that information, I will have to look into it and see what it is. I listened to Mr. Klaas speak the other day on FOX News about the finding of Jessica Lunsford.

 

[ZACTAK]

Many persons that sexually abuse children were
also physically, sexually, and/or mentally abused as children themselves.
Somehow they do not understand EMPATHY - they just do not care.

I say this to mention the need to make sure victims are provided with counseling so the cycle does not continue.
Victims tend to have no self esteem - that needs to be worked on.

This is also very true. As I said in another one of my threads above, I was verbally and mentally abused by my father from a very young age until I was about 20. As I started opening up to people about my experiences, I talked to my grandma (his mom) about it and she told me that my dad was verbally and mentally abused by his dad. He was raised to think that was an OK way of life. I am lucky enough to have found God in my life and realize that it is not an OK way of life, and I have made a stance to stopping such things from happening in the future for other people.

This might sound pretty contradictory, but I believe that having victims go to counseling is a very good idea. Although, my friends have tried to get me to go see a counselor about the abuse I endured but I won't do it. It is very true that those abused have little to no self esteem. My self esteem is very low, among other things, I have trust issues, and hate being around men as well as some other things. I am getting over these things and making myself a stronger person as a result. Having or recommending victims to go get help is a very good idea, and something I had actually not thought about before. That will be something else I will have to look into for helping it in the future.

 

[ChristianCenturion]

This is very true. Most crimes committed against a person is a crime committed by someone the person knows. Did you know that mother's are more likely to physically abuse their children than the father because the mother is with the children more often? This is why I think it is important that we put into the mind set of people that it is OK to report child abuse, especially if it is your husband or wife doing it. I have read a Child Called It, the book about the little boy that was abused by his mother... his father sat around and did nothing to stop it. This is a problem that we need to look into and fix it... A few years ago a U.S. surgeon general was quoted as saying something to the effect of our children are being abused, and this is the most important public policy issue, but it is so secretive. Something has to change! And that is my intention.

I might be young, but I lived through nearly 20 years of being verbally and mentally abused by my father while my mother stood by and let it happen. Growing up, I thought it was a normal thing for kids to be yelled at, put down and see the things I saw. When I got out on my own, I quickly realized why I have always been a quiet person, why I am uncomfortable around other men, and why I have trust issues among other things. I was completely unaware that I was being abused because I was not adequately educated.

This brings me to my second idea, I believe in educating children on child abuse, and things to look out for... but it would obviously have to be taught in a way that a child doesn't think if they are spanked or if they are yelled at by their parents that they need to go to the police. We need to let them know what symptoms child abuse shows, and let them know that if they are being abused that it is OK to go to the police and report it, or to tell a teacher because most children that are being abused are too afraid to tell anyone that it is going on... and it is sad because a lot of the times teachers and principals and police won't believe them and so they will send them back to their parents where they get beat for telling.

Let's not forget those that have opportunity due to authority. The daycare scandals, the Priest molesting choir boys, teachers being involved with minors, etc. Power and position lends itself to temptations that are not usually there. The reference of a familiar person would likewise fall into that category simply by the endorsement of the other authorities within the unit.
The old adage... power corrupts and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
I believe the key wouldn't be exclusive to educating the children - although that would have it's place, but at a cost of lost innocence. The primary point as I see it would be accountability boundaries.

 

[Clem is Me]

Be better adults.

 

[Mercyme_thats me]

As an adult that was verbally and mentally abused as a child, I have really taken the rights of children to heart, and have grown a special place in my heart for all children, good or "bad." I have recently grown interested in ways to protect the innocence of children by making adults and children alike more aware of child abuse. I have also grown interested in researching and helping to advocate a way to reduce child abductions and harsher penalties for criminals commiting crimes against children. I wanted some insight into what you all can come up with on better ways of protecting our children.

Yes, I do understand that these things will always happen, but we can try to reduce the crimes commited against children.

My cousin was abused as a young child and she started a program for youth to come together as a group and talk about their problems with counselors and just with people like themselves...it helps them see that they are not alone and that people will support and protect you out there.
I don't really have a lot of idea's on how to help. I do help my cousin...but its hard cause I have never been abused by my parents a day in my life. I have been very lucky.

I am sorry for your misfortunes with being abused. I hope that you find a way to help others. I think its a really great idea!

God Bless you!

 

[SnowBear]

This is also very true. As I said in another one of my threads above, I was verbally and mentally abused by my father from a very young age until I was about 20. As I started opening up to people about my experiences, I talked to my grandma (his mom) about it and she told me that my dad was verbally and mentally abused by his dad. He was raised to think that was an OK way of life. I am lucky enough to have found God in my life and realize that it is not an OK way of life, and I have made a stance to stopping such things from happening in the future for other people.

In concurrence with the education this country needs an open and responsible way to help Children being abused. Child Protective Services is grossly understaffed, overworked and drowning in red tape. Those of us in jobs where it is a requirement to report suspected abuse and neglect are concerned with the limited ability Protective Services to respond to the needs of these children and these families.

This might sound pretty contradictory, but I believe that having victims go to counseling is a very good idea.

Not contradictory at all. It is the victim that needs the help the most not just regarding the abuse but help in breaking the cycle.

Although, my friends have tried to get me to go see a counselor about the abuse I endured but I won't do it. It is very true that those abused have little to no self esteem. My self esteem is very low, among other things, I have trust issues, and hate being around men as well as some other things. I am getting over these things and making myself a stronger person as a result. Having or recommending victims to go get help is a very good idea, and something I had actually not thought about before. That will be something else I will have to look into for helping it in the future.

The only time someone should go into counseling is if they want to. You list several reasons why you should and several areas you might benefit from by having a counselor but something is holding you back (sort of like talking to a smoker who knows all the bad things cigarettes do but still refuses to quit) Going or not going is your decision. However if you become a parent I sincerely hope you seek out a good counselor. Being a new father I can tell you first hand there is nothing more rewarding and nothing more stressful in the world and you need to be all right with yourself to be all right with your child.

 

[StammerA]

Umm..

Get more involved with the children of this world. (Be it neighbor's children, your child's friends, your students.)

If you are able to show them that you just want to be their friend, they normally open up and will be honest with you.

This sound nice, and all....
But (having been abused sexually, mentally, and physically ), A red flag goes up, when I see someone becoming "Friends" with a child.

Especially when a person who does not have children of their own.

I think a person with out children of their own, is best to serve in the legal part of it all.....getting laws changed, enforced, and taught to adults and children through schools.

A person with children, can become "friends" with their children's friends (to a degree) A person can lead by example more than words.....