Proper Christian Behavior?

[daveprez]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year, it will be in March... But anyway, we are both Christians... a few months ago, my gf turned 18 and she has been talking about wanting to go out to a club.

I am not comfortable at all with this. I dont feel that is a place a Chrstian girl, let alone a Christian girl in a serious relationship should be. Even if she goes with a group of other girls and says she wotn dance with other guys, (which I'm assuming it would be anyway) should a Christian girl be invloved in a situation like a club? Alcohol is served.. and I know it's not good to steriotype, but I see those places, and I've spoke with other Christians who have visited clubs and they said that it is a disgusting atmosphere. He referred to it as "vertical sex" and he left after hardly a minute in the building.

Other people ive talked to have said, "well if shes not going to be dancing with other guys, then oh well, right?"

well i dont see it like that... I dont think A Christian girl, in a serious relationship should be invloved in those kind of places, even if you are just with a bunch of other girls. You are still an atmosphere that is supporting drunkeness and sexual behavior...

Advise please..

 

[OrangeHope]

i agree with blue. i'v never been to clubs mostly cause i know whats going on in them and i know i wouldn't feel comfortable in them, i mean why go, people go their mostly to hook up with some one random, they drink, smoke (some even pass around drugs i heard), i just don't see the point in going there i rather read a good book than going to places like that. i think you should ask your gf why she really wants to go there.

 

[peanutbutter12]

I'm at the other end of the argument. I love going to clubs and dancing. On the moral level, I see nothing wrong with it if the person can handle going and not have it effect them spiritually. For myself, I go to dance; not to check out the chicks, not to bump and grind, but dance. Yes, I do drink, but I also know my limits. And drinking itself is not a sin. If I am driving that night, I never have more than 2. Even if I'm not driving, I usually won't go over that. Been there, done that, wasn't all that fun.

I can't speak for your girlfriend in this situation. As I said, I see nothing *morally* wrong with her going. However, the two of you need to come to an agreement and an understanding. If it's bothering you, discuss it with her. At worst, go with her and see for yourself.

Yes, there will be people around there doing the bump and grind, drinking, and being morons. But keep in mind that you are going for you and not them. You deal with idiots doing stupid things every time you walk out of your house.

CJ

 

[beautifully_chaotic]

i agree with TerraSin, it is definantly about knowing your limits, it sounds like she wants to have a new experince, a night out with the girls, and personally i can't see anything wrong with that,

as long as you trust her it shouldn't be a problem, but if you don't then maybe you should be thinking about why that is.....

 

[~Beauty_from_Pain~]

I agree with what most have been saying: it is not appropriate to go to the clubs, etc. Not even really appropriate if not in a relationship I think. Why does your gf want to go for?

 

[ChildOfGod20]

i don't think its appropriate for a christian to go to clubs. i went to a "teen club" when i was 16 and even that was pretty bad with the music they were playin and the way people were dancing. heck, even my high school dances were pretty bad. I couldn't imagine how it would be if you added alcohol. and i don't think its appropriate to go even if you can "not have it effect you spiritually." it's still going to effect you whether you try to let it or not. foul language and sexual dancing WILL get stuck in your head. it's not like you can just let it go and not even let it register in your mind. plus, the Bible says ""what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor 6:14). It can't. We should surround ourself with christian things and christian people and not with worldly things like clubs. would you see Jesus dancing in a club? I really doubt it.

 

[freedom4all]

I go out "clubbing" all the time. The music I dance to isn't the sort you would dance sexually to. My bf and I go out all the time together. Dance and music is a big part of my life. The idea that everyone goes out to get loaded, do drugs, and grind on people makes me irate; not everyone acts that way, and my friends and I do not. Sounds pretty judgmental to me.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

so what kinds of clubs do you go to? and what music do they play? i can't imagine them playing music that people wouldn't be dancing to in a sexual way. music and dance is a BIG part of my life too but i don't go clubbing just for the reason that i am an example to so many younger people and i don't think it's ok for me to tell them about God one day and then go clubbing the next. i know what happens at clubs here and although they are safe and people aren't going there to do drugs and stuff like that, i still don't think it's a place for a strong christian to be.

 

[freedom4all]

Who says I go around talking to people about God? I never said I did. I don't get where anyone got that idea.

BTW, I listen to hardcore electronica, and they don't even serve or allow alcohol.

 

[lacedinlavender]

Christians shouldn't put themselves into situations where they might be encouraged to engaged in sinful behavior. We are supposed to strive to be more Christ-like, and I can't imagine that going clubbing where there is all kinds of immoral behavior could help with that. How can we be a good witness to non-Christians when they see us doing the same exact worldly things that they are doing? It will only encourage the mentality of "Well, I'm the same as any of them, so I must be okay, too."

Would it be okay if I went out, got drunk, and slept with the first guy I saw, just because I wanted to "have a new experience"? No, it wouldn't. And this is the same case. The situation I mentioned and the situation in the OP are different degrees, I think, but still--sin is sin is sin.

Jen

 

[ChildOfGod20]

Who says I go around talking to people about God? I never said I did. I don't get where anyone got that idea.

BTW, I listen to hardcore electronica, and they don't even serve or allow alcohol.

umm i never said you went around talking about God...I said I did.

 

[ChildOfGod20]

oh i see

 

[seamonster]

My husband and I don't go to clubs because it's not our thing. If we want to dance provocatively for each other, we do it at home. If I was single, I might go once just to see what it was like, but I'm not a big crowd person and I don't like random people grabbing my butt. (Which is something to consider...even if you're with your g/f, guys WILL be grabbing her.)

 

[bliz]

It doesn't really matter if she goes clubbing or not.

What matters is that the two of you have very different opinions on this subject. Something that she thinks would be fun you think is a terrible idea. That's a pretty big difference for two people in a serious relationship to have!

Is it possible that you have both been making a lot of assumptions about what each of thos thinks and feels? Perhaps you two need to get to know each other better.

 

[daveprez]

It doesn't really matter if she goes clubbing or not.

What matters is that the two of you have very different opinions on this subject. Something that she thinks would be fun you think is a terrible idea. That's a pretty big difference for two people in a serious relationship to have!

Is it possible that you have both been making a lot of assumptions about what each of thos thinks and feels? Perhaps you two need to get to know each other better.

She just turned 18 and wants to try things she's never experienced... just for the experince, to know what its like. I dont feel, and it seems like a lot of people agree with me, when I say that isnt the proper thing a Christian should be experiencing... I talked to her about it last night, as another Christian and her bf... and she agrees with me, it's just hard to hear that something you want to do is "wrong." I just personally feel that a Christian should not be in the club atmosphere: drinking, sexual dancing, lusting men, etc... and the way i see it, even if you go and dont dance sexually, dont drink, and dont do all the bad stuff, by going there and paying to get in on top of it... you're supporting that... you know what Im sayin? but about what you said that I quoted, you said, " Is it possible that you have both been making a lot of assumptions about what each of thos thinks and feels? Perhaps you two need to get to know each other better." and I am kind of offended by that... by her and I not seeing eye to eye on something... and you just assuming that that is due to us not knowing eachother well? That almost offends me... no, we have not been making assumptions about what we each like, i know what she likes, and I know that she would like the lound music and dancing... im just trying to help her underatand that theres more that comes with going to a club... you have to deal with the drinking, lusting men, the potential (and probable) grabbing and all that stuff too...

 

[daveprez]

I'm at the other end of the argument. I love going to clubs and dancing. On the moral level, I see nothing wrong with it if the person can handle going and not have it effect them spiritually. For myself, I go to dance; not to check out the chicks, not to bump and grind, but dance. Yes, I do drink, but I also know my limits. And drinking itself is not a sin. If I am driving that night, I never have more than 2. Even if I'm not driving, I usually won't go over that. Been there, done that, wasn't all that fun.

I can't speak for your girlfriend in this situation. As I said, I see nothing *morally* wrong with her going. However, the two of you need to come to an agreement and an understanding. If it's bothering you, discuss it with her. At worst, go with her and see for yourself.

Yes, there will be people around there doing the bump and grind, drinking, and being morons. But keep in mind that you are going for you and not them. You deal with idiots doing stupid things every time you walk out of your house.

CJ

to TerraSin,

Yes, there will be people around there doing the bump and grind, drinking, and being morons. But keep in mind that you are going for you and not them. You deal with idiots doing stupid things every time you walk out of your house.

But by going there and PAYING to get in, ok even if it was FREE... just going there, you are supporting the people that are drinking, grinding, and doing drugs...

this may sound corny... but would Jesus be at a club? If you can tell me how by going to a club, you are honoring God, I will give you a high five... via the internet of course.. but still, a high five none the less.

 

[peanutbutter12]

to TerraSin,


But by going there and PAYING to get in, ok even if it was FREE... just going there, you are supporting the people that are drinking, grinding, and doing drugs...

this may sound corny... but would Jesus be at a club? If you can tell me how by going to a club, you are honoring God, I will give you a high five... via the internet of course.. but still, a high five none the less.

As I stated above, I go for me, so I can have a good time. Whatever other people do there is their own business. You can't run away from people your whole life and personally, I don't let other peoples actions, things I can't change, get to me.

I enjoy dancing and having a few drinks. There is nothing wrong with this. Nor is there anything wrong with being in a place surrounded by people who do. If we had to seperate ourselves from them, then we wouldn't be able to leave the house.

No, I don't go dancing to introduce people to Christ, I go to dance. And yes, you can dance to techno without bumping and grinding. I use to go dancing with people all the time as friends before I got married and there was -0-, NO, NILCH physical contact except for a hug at the end of the night and a thanks.

Christianity anymore has gotten very stupid. We feel the need to be afraid of everything and anything due to a lack of self-discipline. To that all I can say is shame on you! We can't even be normal people anymore by typical Christian standards because we have to fear everyones motives and their "unstability in a situation".



CJ

 

[peanutbutter12]

I think my signature says it best:
"Please Lord, save me from your followers!"
(For the story about it, click http://www.kubik.org/vcm/stickers.htm)

CJ

 

[KristianJ]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year, it will be in March... But anyway, we are both Christians... a few months ago, my gf turned 18 and she has been talking about wanting to go out to a club.

I am not comfortable at all with this. I dont feel that is a place a Chrstian girl, let alone a Christian girl in a serious relationship should be. Even if she goes with a group of other girls and says she wotn dance with other guys, (which I'm assuming it would be anyway) should a Christian girl be invloved in a situation like a club? Alcohol is served.. and I know it's not good to steriotype, but I see those places, and I've spoke with other Christians who have visited clubs and they said that it is a disgusting atmosphere. He referred to it as "vertical sex" and he left after hardly a minute in the building.

Other people ive talked to have said, "well if shes not going to be dancing with other guys, then oh well, right?"

well i dont see it like that... I dont think A Christian girl, in a serious relationship should be invloved in those kind of places, even if you are just with a bunch of other girls. You are still an atmosphere that is supporting drunkeness and sexual behavior...

Advise please..

Firstly, I'm not convinced that a club in its fudamental existence supports/advocates such behaviour. It's the individual who goes to these places who dictates how they behave, not the club's owner. They simply provide walls, doors and music. Still, I can't stand the places and can certainly understand your concern. Your g/f has to acknowledge the risk that she's taking with going into such an atmosphere. However, I'm not sure that all clubs would be like this.

Also, with your US laws regarding legal drinking age being 21, I'm a bit confused as to whether she can legally be on the premises of the club. I know that in bars/pubs here in Australia, there are limited areas that underage people can be in and the proprietors are usually very vigilant in policing the restricted areas.

But in the end, all you can do is tell her your concern. I don't think it's inherently wrong to be in such places unless you're violating local laws. (When you're 21, will you go to a bar with your mates occasionally to enjoy their company and have a beer or two? I can't see any difference between this and your g/f's wanting to go to a club) Try trusting her and her friends if she does decide to go, and if the experience proves to be a negative one, don't say "I told you so" but show her that it was an experience that she can learn from in order to know what to do in the future.