Romans 6:1-4 (New King James Version)
What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we also should walk in newness of life.
As many as have been baptized into Christ have put on Christ (Gal 3:27)
Justin when you were Baptized and Chrismated you put on Christ. You publicly stated that you renounce Satan and all of his works, and that you want to have a relationship with Christ. In doing so, you began the process to allow Christ to transform you, and allow theosis to begin.
It's almost as if you are saying "Okay God, you can come into my life, but only under these terms and conditions." God is not subject to us, but rather WE are subject to GOD.
You say you want to seek a relationship with a man, yet you are rejecting the most important relationship a person can have in life; that with GOD.
You are saying you are Orthodox
for now. As if to imply you will stay Orthodox until something better comes along.
You have said in the past that it is hard for you to choose a relationship with God over a relationship with a boyfriend because you can not joke around with God, cannot cuddle with Him, cannot have romantic dates with Him. You are putting terms as to what you want God to do for
you, but what have you done for HIM?
On April 11th of this year you publicly renounced Satan and all His works to live for God, but have you really done so? Have you allowed God to come into your life and transform you on HIS terms, or are you still waiting for Him to appear on YOUR's?
Today the Church celebrates the life of St. Mary Magdalene, a woman who put her life in the hands of our Lord to deliver her from the presence of seven demons. When all but one of the Apostles stayed away from Christ during His crucifixtion, she was there. When others fled the empty tomb believing the body had been stolen, she looked again to see that He was there, and He is Risen!
I know that you may feel at times that God is not there for you in your life, and that He doesn't care for you. I would encourage you to take the cue from St. Mary Magdalene and look again. He IS there.