Yep, another one. Sorry, everyone ^^;;
Lately I've been feeling really depressed. I've always had depression, ever since I was in 1st grade, but I've always been able to handle it, at least somewhat. But lately I've been out of control, and the depression has gotten really bad.
I never really had friends when I was growing up, but in high school I made some really good friends who helped me to not be so depressed and made me feel like I was worth something. But college year approached and my one best friend was shipped off against her will to a private college up in Michigan (a four-hour drive). I was forced to go to a local college (and yes, I use the word "forced" seriously) by my mother, a school none of my friends went to. I was all right for the most part first semester, but ever since 2nd semester started I've been really, really depressed. I've been crying at least 3 times a week at night, which is something I don't normally do. I don't have any friends at college, and since all my friends are away at different schools I'm almost always alone.
To make matters worse, I don't have a great family situation at home. My older brother fights with me a lot, blaming me for everything that goes wrong with the computer and other household equipments. He also fights with me when he wants something that I wont' let him have. He's even used physical violence a couple of times.
My dad is really quiet and prefers to be left alone, and if I make a mistake or something he gets really exasperated with me and makes me feel like an idiot. He's also said some stuff that's really hurt me, and he's always badmouthing my mom.
My mom is very talkative, but she talks bad about a lot of people, including one of my bestfriends and her family. Also, like my DAd, she kind of ignores me, especially when I try to talk to her. She pretends she's listening, but if it's not something she cares about she pays no attention at all to what I'm saying. She's very forgetful, forgetting promises she made to me, which kind of hurts too, especially if they're important to me.She never says "good job" or praises me, not even when I was a little kid. Some people might not think that's such a big deal, but trust me, it is. She also treats me like a child, not letting me go and see my friends in college because I might get "hit", or not letting me go to Chicago with my friends because I'm going to be "raped". And worst of all, she doesn't like me for who I am. Through out my entire life I've always been different from the rest of my family and she is always trying to conform me and make me be like her.
So I'm stuck in this day-in and day-out. It's so hard because they dont' seem to care about me at all, and I'm the type of person who is very sensative to things like that. I just can't cope anymore, and it doesn't seem like God is listening to me at all anymore. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, but there seems to be this wall between God and me that can't be torn down. It's always been like that, but now it's even worse.
Can someone please help me out?
Lately I've been feeling really depressed. I've always had depression, ever since I was in 1st grade, but I've always been able to handle it, at least somewhat. But lately I've been out of control, and the depression has gotten really bad.
I never really had friends when I was growing up, but in high school I made some really good friends who helped me to not be so depressed and made me feel like I was worth something. But college year approached and my one best friend was shipped off against her will to a private college up in Michigan (a four-hour drive). I was forced to go to a local college (and yes, I use the word "forced" seriously) by my mother, a school none of my friends went to. I was all right for the most part first semester, but ever since 2nd semester started I've been really, really depressed. I've been crying at least 3 times a week at night, which is something I don't normally do. I don't have any friends at college, and since all my friends are away at different schools I'm almost always alone.
To make matters worse, I don't have a great family situation at home. My older brother fights with me a lot, blaming me for everything that goes wrong with the computer and other household equipments. He also fights with me when he wants something that I wont' let him have. He's even used physical violence a couple of times.
My dad is really quiet and prefers to be left alone, and if I make a mistake or something he gets really exasperated with me and makes me feel like an idiot. He's also said some stuff that's really hurt me, and he's always badmouthing my mom.
My mom is very talkative, but she talks bad about a lot of people, including one of my bestfriends and her family. Also, like my DAd, she kind of ignores me, especially when I try to talk to her. She pretends she's listening, but if it's not something she cares about she pays no attention at all to what I'm saying. She's very forgetful, forgetting promises she made to me, which kind of hurts too, especially if they're important to me.She never says "good job" or praises me, not even when I was a little kid. Some people might not think that's such a big deal, but trust me, it is. She also treats me like a child, not letting me go and see my friends in college because I might get "hit", or not letting me go to Chicago with my friends because I'm going to be "raped". And worst of all, she doesn't like me for who I am. Through out my entire life I've always been different from the rest of my family and she is always trying to conform me and make me be like her.
So I'm stuck in this day-in and day-out. It's so hard because they dont' seem to care about me at all, and I'm the type of person who is very sensative to things like that. I just can't cope anymore, and it doesn't seem like God is listening to me at all anymore. I've prayed and prayed and prayed, but there seems to be this wall between God and me that can't be torn down. It's always been like that, but now it's even worse.
Can someone please help me out?
