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Problems with NFP
- Thread starter lavenderbees
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helenofbritain
St Mary MacKillop of the Cross, pray for us
Goodness me - that's a tough situation. Is your husband a Catholic? It's harder to get to equal understanding of issues when one spouse is Catholic, and the other is not.How does it make you feel that he uses your body while you're sleeping? If the answer is "bad", have you told him this?
If he's not respecting you as a person, (and that's how it appears from here
) you need to sit down and have a serious chat. And possibly talk to a counselor together. In my book that's just not on.Does he have a high sex drive (therefore "needing" to touch) and not see any moral problem with it? Or is this something he struggles with?
I seem to have asked more questions than anything else - sorry about that
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2Cosmic2Charlie
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You can us the word touch in this forum, everybody else does.
That's really more than we need to know.
Of course we do.
Well, it depends on who you talk to but I think the general concenus amoung a lot of us is that NFP is just a crappy birth control method all the way around.
http://christianforums.com/t6708802-anyone-else-got-this-problem.html[/quote]
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MikeK
Traditionalist Catholic
How does your husband feel about NFP - is it something he's on board with, or does he resent you for it?
As far as church teaching goes, masturbation is sinful whether done by a man or a woman. For a man it's double bad - as he's spilling his seed. Why not help the guy out and do the work for him - if you get him off, that's somewhat preferable to him doing it himself I'd think. One could argue that you'd be guilty of aiding him in sin (onanism), but I would see it more as an issue of you helping him avoid one(masturbation). It'd also likely be better on your marriage, and that's not nothing. I'm sure he'd reciprocate too, which has got to be better than spending a a third of the month next to a guy jerking off while you're trying to sleep.
As far as church teaching goes, masturbation is sinful whether done by a man or a woman. For a man it's double bad - as he's spilling his seed. Why not help the guy out and do the work for him - if you get him off, that's somewhat preferable to him doing it himself I'd think. One could argue that you'd be guilty of aiding him in sin (onanism), but I would see it more as an issue of you helping him avoid one(masturbation). It'd also likely be better on your marriage, and that's not nothing. I'm sure he'd reciprocate too, which has got to be better than spending a a third of the month next to a guy jerking off while you're trying to sleep.
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Yes and no. He was born Catholic and raised Catholic but he has issues with the teachings of the Catholic church. He does not agree with most of the teachings regarding sexuality.
Yes. But he thinks that I should be complimented because he is not going elsewhere (i.e. using porn).
Yes, he does have a high sex drive and he does struggle but only up to a certain point.
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He seems to understand why I use NFP. There are practical life/death reasons for using it, in my case. I cannot risk pregnancy under any circumstances. So, even using a condom during the fertile time is not possible for me. My husband understands that.
I'm glad someone else used that description not just me. I was always taught that "mutual masturbation is against the law of the Catholic Church". Has this teaching changed now?
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MikeK
Traditionalist Catholic
No, it hasn't. I just think that if the only two options you have are to lie next to your lonely husband while he's doing his thing and lend a hand, I'd lend a hand. I don't think you'd be making matters any worse than they already are.
One of your original questions was "how does it make you feel?" Never happened to me, so I can't say for sure. But I think I'd be flattered.
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S
_Shannon_
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I think I'd institute a don't ask don't tell policy--frankly I really don't want to know if my husband is masturbating--particularly if we're not having sex at the time....
ignorance is bliss-really- even the CHurch teaches that.
the idea of my husband using my body to get off while I am clearly NOT participating is creepy and well, also infuriating...but that comes, probably from having been raped.
Of course you're close to the NFP promised land- uh..menopause, I mean-- so it won't be too much longer you'll have to deal with it all....
ignorance is bliss-really- even the CHurch teaches that.
the idea of my husband using my body to get off while I am clearly NOT participating is creepy and well, also infuriating...but that comes, probably from having been raped.
Of course you're close to the NFP promised land- uh..menopause, I mean-- so it won't be too much longer you'll have to deal with it all....
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2Cosmic2Charlie
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A condom during your fertile time is no less effective than NFP in general.
Put another way, if there are practical/death reasons for not getting pregnant, NFP has a rather high failure if you're actaully betting your life on it.
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InTheCloud
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- May 9, 2007
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About 20% of people have a higher sex drive than common mortals. That people cannot wait.
While the CC have very good theological reasons not to teach the "contracept at will" of other churches, I think it should use a bit of Jewish/Jesuit casuistics in the Family Planning Issue.
While the CC have very good theological reasons not to teach the "contracept at will" of other churches, I think it should use a bit of Jewish/Jesuit casuistics in the Family Planning Issue.
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MikeK
Traditionalist Catholic
That isn't quite true, a condom used only durring times thought to be fertile times is less effective than abstinence durring times thought to be fertile.
Why would it be so hard to live in a mudhut and reley on charity for food? Lots of families in Zambia do it.
Lots of people live through lots of undesireable things, that doesn't make it any easier.
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Snowbunny
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but that's a bad allegory... do you tell your children to abstain from food and housing until they are married? you do not need sex to survive, if anything it is a luxury and it is completely appropriate that we wait at various stages in life.
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2Cosmic2Charlie
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According the the militaries own statistics (which are probably conservative) nowhere near ALL families wait while the spouses are on duty elsewhere.
The phase "What happens on TDY stayes on TDY" isn't just an amusing saying.
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boughtwithaprice
Legend
He says that Military men cheat while on Tour of Duty. They have sex with someone else while their spouse is not available. It is unfair to label all military men that way, but that practice does happen
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