Problems with Compulsive Lying.

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

I know lying in all it's forms is wrong. Some lies I tell because I literally have no trust in people that have done me wrong and therefore I've been known to create elaborate stories to get away from them. I forgive but don't forget and will hold the whole truth from someone to either get my way or I feel they aren't ready to know it yet because they will more than likely do something rash by knowing it. Another reason is just my own insecurities.

Needless to say, it's all manipulative. I feel burdened and guilty for doing it I just don't know how not to be. I know no one wants to hear a Christian woman say that she lies, but hey I finally said the truth here so praise God!

Anyways, I ask for forgiveness and I attempt to tell the truth more than the lies, but still, I find myself in the middle of lying sometimes and my thoughts are to stop but my tongue keeps going. It was so habitual that eventually, I had to ask myself if this lie was real. That's getting into delusional territory there. That's scary. It's like dreaming and then waking up, going about your day, but believing your dream was real because it was a mundane thing you did and telling everyone that was what happened.

I guess this lying really stems from my fear of people. I know that not everyone is a terrible person that will stone you to death because of your lies, but even still lies hurt others worse than the truth in the end.

What would be the best course of action then? Going to every person I lied to and telling them the truth? And I mean this in recent lies. Some lies I told I can't ever find them and take it back or have a better explanation as to why it happened. So the guilt just hovers. I know God doesn't want us to have guilt and that's why asking for forgiveness is beneficial, but still, the guilt will pop up.

But yes, advice? Please share any wisdom you have about how to just tell-it-like-it-is and being confident in that. Not arrogant though, confident.

 

[brinny]

Lying happens. It is a GOOD thing to acknowledge it. WE just confess it to God, and ask Him, like David did, to examine us and clear out those things in our heart, mind, and soul, that would give us a propensity to lie. I had to come to terms with the fact that it was GOD i was sinning against, and why would i be harboring any conditions in my heart of hearts (y'know, those places deeep inside our hearts that have "no trespassing" signs to God). Yeah, i had to go there and ask Him to help me open that door and remove that sign because i reeeeeeally DID want and need Him to be "all in" there. And He did.

Lying is, many times, a defense mechanism. Now for me, it was a sort of "armor" and if God thought i was gonna lay it down, He needed to get a grip (Ok, that was where i was before i surrendered that armor to Him). For me there were trust issues. And when He would bring to my mind to trust Him, my response was "Are You KIDDING me"? Lots of armor i had....

Ok, back on track. Here's the good news. God CAN and WILL enable us liars to extinguish that defense mechanism eventually.

God bless you, and praying for you Joyful, and a very belated welcome to CF.

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Sounds like you really need to go back to zero. Sincere repentance with a promise to really change. I'm not judging your lying. I tend to do it myself. I think you seem self-aware enough to do some journaling. Write down each lie and ask yourself "why did I lie here?" Sometimes the reasons aren't evil at all. I mean I think you can even justify lying on a resume to get a job. "Yes I have experience doing that." As long as you compensate for it later by working hard. Your purpose was to get a job in order to pay the rent and eat. Now if the lie was to say get a high income job as a doctor, then you are putting people's lives at risk. Entry level jobs such as cleaning, you are not hurting anyone by saying you have experience.
When you lie, to mislead people in order for them to like or admire you more or trust you. I think that's sinful. Close relationships should require authenticity. How can you possibly build a real friendship without some decent candour of who you really are? So the main areas we should be working at first are our partner or closest friend and our boss. I don't mean we have to reveal everything. We just need to reinforce trustworthiness and genuineness. in that way , we are building th Kingdom of God, instead of building the Kingdom of Satan with deception and guile.

 

[SkyWriting]

I know lying in all it's forms is wrong.

Lying is a logical problem becasue I'm doing it right now.
Or am I?

 

[brinny]

Lying is a logical problem becasue I'm doing it right now.
Or am I?

i dunno, but was yer 6th word a lie or just a miss-spelling?

 

[SkyWriting]

i dunno, but was yer 6th word a lie or just a miss-spelling?

Lying is a logical problem becasue I'm doing it right now.
Or am I?

8th word, maybe. Hard to tell.

 

[brinny]

Lying is a logical problem becasue I'm doing it right now.
Or am I?

8th word, maybe. Hard to tell.

There's a good resource for that.

 

[makeajoyfulnoise100]

Sounds like you really need to go back to zero. Sincere repentance with a promise to really change. I'm not judging your lying. I tend to do it myself. I think you seem self-aware enough to do some journaling. Write down each lie and ask yourself "why did I lie here?" Sometimes the reasons aren't evil at all. I mean I think you can even justify lying on a resume to get a job. "Yes I have experience doing that." As long as you compensate for it later by working hard. Your purpose was to get a job in order to pay the rent and eat. Now if the lie was to say get a high income job as a doctor, then you are putting people's lives at risk. Entry level jobs such as cleaning, you are not hurting anyone by saying you have experience.
When you lie, to mislead people in order for them to like or admire you more or trust you. I think that's sinful. Close relationships should require authenticity. How can you possibly build a real friendship without some decent candour of who you really are? So the main areas we should be working at first are our partner or closest friend and our boss. I don't mean we have to reveal everything. We just need to reinforce trustworthiness and genuineness. in that way , we are building th Kingdom of God, instead of building the Kingdom of Satan with deception and guile.

I get what you mean, but even still with the resume issue lying to get the job is still wrong. Let's say the lower level job is just cleaning and you're only a fair cleaner or terrible. Lying and saying you're the best could affect someone else's life. You might learn on the job, but at the same time, your learning and inexperience with cleaning could hurt someone. However unlikely it may seem. Now if you answered fair and they hire you anyways praise be to God that usually means they want to train you with their style of cleaning. And you're right we are building the Kingdom so, therefore, lying even on such small matters can eventually become problematic.

The journaling is a good idea. I write/journal and doodle constantly anyways so that helps! Thank you. ^^)

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

I get what you mean, but even still with the resume issue lying to get the job is still wrong.

I was just thinking that you or someone else might respond like this. I think that is close to "scrupulosity" or "moral OCD". of course strictly speaking, I've lied. Anyone can point this out.
I don't think people realise how much they actually lie, deceive or pretend.
Look at us coming on here. Most have an avatar of someone else or a different representation. An unusual username. We may distort how we appear to others. That's deception. But the reason behind is sincere. We want to speak more frankly, without losing our privacy. If its like facebook, we lose our reputation and may offend others who are close to us. We are too bound by ties and family to say much of significance.
We have to pretend we like people even on here. Total honesty just doesn't work in society. Its utopian. As Jack Nicholson said once "The truth? You cant stand the truth!"

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

Lying and saying you're the best could affect someone else's life.

Come on. That is way too exaggerated. If you honestly think like this, you wont be able to get a job. You will find yourself one day, when you are forced to stretch the truth, in order to survive. Maybe you haven't been in that situation yet. I;m not too proud to say that I have.

 

[Poppyseed78]

It's good you are seeking repentance for this. Admitting you lied to those you care about, on important matters, can be beneficial and actually strengthen the relationship. However, there are times where going back and telling those you lied to is not always possible, or even safe, depending on the person.

I think from now on just try to be mindful of what you say. It's better to say nothing than to lie. Over time and with practice it will get easier to stop automatically making things up. And it will be very freeing for your conscience.

 

[tturt]

agree It can be done with Yahweh's help.