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Problems with 19 year old son

WEBBGURL

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My husband and I are at our wits' end with our 19 year old son. We have spent the last several years and countless dollars trying to get him help. He is medicated for ADHD and also has issues with anxiety. We have been compassionate with him as much as possible, but he will not work with us. He has been hospitalized at 14 for his issues. He acted out in school and finally he stole from a store here, and went before a judge. His only goal in life is the video games it seems. Last Fall, he attended college for one semester. Finally, we thought things were going well. He told us that his anxiety was acting up again, and he could no longer ride his bike to the campus.

Because he was not a full time student, our insurance stopped carrying him. We spoke to him over the holidays about getting in to therapy, and taking it seriously this time. The next day, he asked my husband to take him to my mother's house. We thought (hoped) he would finally get the help he needed to get his life in order, but no dice. He calls now, and wants to come back and visit with us. Honestly, I don't want him anywhere near me or his younger siblings. I am past tired of his manipulation. He starts to appear better for a while than it's back to his usual laziness and life of video game playing. I have had my own issues with anxiety, so I thought getting him help and medication would have been what he needed. But, he really doesn't want either. He says the meds don't work because he sometimes still has issues with his panic. However, he refuses to be serious about therapy to deal with his issues. My son is very bright and has an answer for everything. I highly resent him.
My husband is fearful that he will harm himself if we tell him we want n
othing to do with him. I have decided that if he must do that, so be it. I don't want him dead, but I want off of this merry-go-round. My mother will not support us. We give her money and other things for his upkeep. It will not matter if we don't give her the money because she says she cannot or will not put him out on the street. With no back up from her, we are fearful that my son can continue these mind games with us for the next ten years. If my son knew that he had to get help or live on the street; he would do better. Does anyone else have any experience in this area with a wayward child? We really could use some advice.:prayer:
 

sidabrius

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I think you need to stop prividing him slowly. Less money you give to him, tell him to find work, because he is adult and only he is responsible for his life. I does not seem that he is depressed and the risk of suicide...maybe he will try to manipulate you this way, but probably he will call to emergency himself. If you are not severely depressed, the fear of what's going to be after death is big. So, he is not a little child, he needs to be on his own. He needs to be sure that you love him and wish him the best.
It seems to me the hat just using you and playing his video game, telling you that he is sick, so he can be lazy and do whatever he wants. Stop!! I really encourage you to kick him out of this using of you. He is responsible, he can be on his own! And he needs to know that he still have family, is loved, but he is not child, he suppose to live on his own. Good luck and God Bless You!
 
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ReiRei

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This probably won't be a suggestion you'll heed, but it can be difficult to discern the right psychiatric medications for treating mental disorders. A former girlfriend of mine had ADHD symptoms and when she went on an anti-depressant it worked well for her. She reported that she could suddenly focus her attention much more than as before. I myself wondered if an anti-depressant might help with some abnormal difficulty relating to other people. The anti-depressant helped some but it mainly just gave me a tremendous amount of energy, insomnia, and made people around me seem to have more color to their faces. Finally, I tried a mood stabilizer which is a treatment of bipolar disorder or manic/depression. I slept great, I became much more involved with my church and the bible, I had renewed interest in topics on psychology (the main reason I'm reading this board on CF), and I felt a much fuller range of emotions. I am hoping one day to discover how my own love for Jesus could possibly nullify my idea that I need a psychiatric medicine and need to live any other way. I have heard other people say that The Lord would tell them to get off their medications. Right now I don't feel as though Jesus is approaching me with that mindset. And I know that when he does I will know it.
 
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homeofmew

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Is there anything he's interested in? Does he want to go to school for anything, heck if he likes video games maybe design, or video game design, which is actually a legitimate major that has both artsy aspects and math aspects behind it. University also have gaming/ Computer clubs. Middle School and High School were hard times for me, I really broke out of the shell in University. Also having him finding a community like for me, Pokemon the trading Card game with friends and support that isn't his family! Are the games he play online, does he use VOIP (voice over IP)? because games create a world that if you fail you can try again.

please post again I'd like to see him really be a happy camper :)

PS: I also play a lot of PC games X)
 
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I know some people who found hyperfocusing on computers led them into success at computer careers.

Before risking college, he could try to work at a help desk service. Every game has a help desk staff (often offside in a distant location, or with remote telecom contracts). The companies love to have people already knowledgeable of the game, to help their ailing customers.
 
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