ok so I have this problem. My husband and I have been trying to have sex for the first time but I can't seem to get turned on enough for it to not hurt like heck. Anyone else share this problem when they first got married? I didn't have any libido problems before I got married (and we didn't have premarital sex). Could use advice.
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Problematic first time
- Thread starter Faye
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Tangnefedd
A Liberal Christian
I think you just need to be patient with each other. Is penetration the problem, do you freeze up? This is quite common, and it might be an idea to have a word with your doctor just to check things out.
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karla
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I remember the first time with my husband, we were both so nervous and a little clueless. It hurts the first time and it is normal to tense up because well, you really don't know what to expect. Take things slowly, lots of foreplay, and using a little KY Jelly for extra lubrication might help too. It's more of a mental thing. Just try to relax and focus on eachother.
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You can have a ball without ever "having sex."
Take some time to learn how each other works. Guys are a little less complicated than girls. I think it's important to know how to give each other...favors, and it's fun too. It might help if he can get one out of you before you try to go all the way.
Make sure you're relaxed.
When you "try" go slooooowww the first few times.
Take some time to learn how each other works. Guys are a little less complicated than girls. I think it's important to know how to give each other...favors, and it's fun too. It might help if he can get one out of you before you try to go all the way.
Make sure you're relaxed.
When you "try" go slooooowww the first few times.
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don't like KY, husband refuses to ever use it again. Smelled awful for days after. Any other ideas?
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It's not just the first time that hurt (and actually, in what way does it hurt?), it's every time we attempt it, which we've done a lot.... He doesn't want to just force it, but it's beginning to seem like almost the only way. Going to see a doctor at any rate, but I'd welcome people's advice.
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karla
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Faye said:
Can't really explain how it hurt, I guess it was just more of an uncomfortable feeling. It was that way after we had our children too. Just take things slowly, even though I know it is frustrating. Your body just isn't used to it. After you have sex a few times it does get enjoyable
It's not that you are getting turned on enough for it not to hurt. You can be totally turned on and it will still be uncomfortable. Relax and ask your husband to just take it slow, penetrating a little bit at a time, letting him know when you are ready for more. I promise it does get better.
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I have heard this too. There are also Christian books on marriage and sex that you could read for some ideas.Tangnefedd said:
For us it was uncomfortable the first time too.
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Have you tried oral sex first, then slipping it in? I know this is kinda blunt....but it helps us....
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IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
Astroglide is an excellent lubricant. It tastes sweet and has no smell whatsoever. It doesn't get sticky like KY either.
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mle
4lifeinchrist
Cammie said:
Very good advise and a great product. Before getting sexy with each other perhaps you should pray and ask the Lord to be with the both of you while you are making love. He created it after all and He is the best one to ask to fix the problem. Pray for your sexlife on a daily basis.
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Mrag. It still hurts like the dickens and the doc says there's nothing wrong as far as she knows. Getting sharp pains too occasionally. Sorry if I'm getting too graphic. I just thought maybe someone on this board might know something that my doctor doesn't (she's not been too helpful)...
But yeah, we been praying about it and that's good at least.
Oh, astroglide IS great though
But yeah, we been praying about it and that's good at least.
Oh, astroglide IS great though
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Well I'm not married, but I have had a less than lusterous past as a non-Christian... I think a lot of it can do with guilt feelings. If this is the case for you, work on getting past the guilt and just enjoy the moment and with time the pain will probably go away. (since you know that it's not a medical problem)
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