Hi,
I've had a problem with prayer since my early teen years.
At that time I had a traumatic experience that left me suffering from panic attacks until this day (not continuous - 14 or 15, then break, then from 23 until now at mid forties). I don't want to get into it here. It wasn't anything to sexual or occult. It was a rather simple thing in non-ordinary circumstances.
Anyway, when these panic attacks began I didn't tell anyone. It was a pragmatic decision rather than anything else. I can remember thinking or reasoning at age 14 that no one could reach into my mind, so there was no point telling anyone. It would just worry them for nothing. I knew my fears were absolutely irrational.
When these attacks of terror would come (usually at night after laying in bed thinking too much); I would go into the bathroom and cry out to Jesus to save me. The overwhelming feeling was that I was completely alone.
Eventually, after some weeks or months I began to avoid praying in these situations. To pray was to admit I was at the end of my ability to cope and I knew that praying wouldn't help. I'm sure you can see my dichotomy...
For years now, praying leaves me feeling empty, depressed and even in despair. I can pray for other people, but when it comes to myself, I just end up feeling worse and that I am closer to complete hopelessness.
I would ask anyone who replies to this thread to do two things first. 1) Do not give me practical answers from experience. 2) Pray for a true word of knowledge about this matter. I need to know from God what I need to do, if anything, so I can put it right.
So, no pressure guys...
Thanks!
I've had a problem with prayer since my early teen years.
At that time I had a traumatic experience that left me suffering from panic attacks until this day (not continuous - 14 or 15, then break, then from 23 until now at mid forties). I don't want to get into it here. It wasn't anything to sexual or occult. It was a rather simple thing in non-ordinary circumstances.
Anyway, when these panic attacks began I didn't tell anyone. It was a pragmatic decision rather than anything else. I can remember thinking or reasoning at age 14 that no one could reach into my mind, so there was no point telling anyone. It would just worry them for nothing. I knew my fears were absolutely irrational.
When these attacks of terror would come (usually at night after laying in bed thinking too much); I would go into the bathroom and cry out to Jesus to save me. The overwhelming feeling was that I was completely alone.
Eventually, after some weeks or months I began to avoid praying in these situations. To pray was to admit I was at the end of my ability to cope and I knew that praying wouldn't help. I'm sure you can see my dichotomy...
For years now, praying leaves me feeling empty, depressed and even in despair. I can pray for other people, but when it comes to myself, I just end up feeling worse and that I am closer to complete hopelessness.
I would ask anyone who replies to this thread to do two things first. 1) Do not give me practical answers from experience. 2) Pray for a true word of knowledge about this matter. I need to know from God what I need to do, if anything, so I can put it right.
So, no pressure guys...
Thanks!
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